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ScriptOhio browses the internet

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Indian Just Want Coffee...

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee......

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

Remember to VOTE on November 2.
 
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HELLO OPERATOR

Actual call center conversations!

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through;
Can you help?'


Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I
Need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
Telephone Jack before cl eaning. No w, can you give me the
Number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'
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RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
Traveling in Australia ?'
Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?'
------ ----------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )

'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland '
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'
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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
Point?'
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
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Tech Support: OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can
You see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'
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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'
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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.' < / B>

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
Went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'.

Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I
Type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one? '

Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over?'

Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's
because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.'

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'

:biggrin:
 
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Fifteen yard penality

762px-OklahomaSooners-BoomerSooner-Schooner_display_image.jpg

Perhaps the biggest impact on a football game by the Sooner Schooner was the 1985 Orange Bowl loss to Washington. Following a 22-yard, fourth quarter Sooner field goal that split the uprights, the wagon burst onto the field to celebrate what appeared to be a late 17-14 OU lead. However, the Schooner crew had failed to notice that the Sooners had been penalized for an illegal formation. With the wagon on the field at a premature time, a referee?s yellow flag that flew through the air further subdued the crimson cheers. OU was penalized an additional 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct, forcing what would be a failed 42-yard kick.
?The penalty really affected the outcome of the game,? said longtime OU fan Bob Jackson. ?The officials didn?t want the Boomer Schooner on the field because they considered it a delay of the game.? The Sooners never recovered from the penalties that led to the blocked field goal as the Huskies rode the momentum to a 28-17 victory. When the Sooners returned to the Orange Bowl the following year the Schooner was in no danger of being ticketed. OU sports officials ordered the wagon to stay in a parked position in hopes of avoiding a repeat.
boomer_sooner.gif

:biggrin:
​
 
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