Go Tell a Friend
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Daily Thoughts on March 23, 2009 by Maurice Clarett I feel special. I?m not saying it to be arrogant but, I just feel special. I feel as if I no longer have an understanding for anything else. This is one of those moments that I am sure a cancer survivor can identify with. Since I am getting personal with the viewers of this site I can humbly say that there were times prior to prison where I thought death was a better option than life. It makes my stomach turn to think that I ever let that weak thought creep into my mind. Can anyone imagine what it is like to be around someone who doesn?t care about themselves, let alone the next person? I want to thank my mother and girlfriend, and big brother out west for their unconditional love and patience.
There have been times where I shed tears mustering up the strength to overcome my personal struggles. There are few people that have experienced this many highs and lows in 25 years. Trust me. Rather they were self inflicted or inflicted by others there was pain experienced and it took all the strength inside not to quit and give up. Until you?ve literally dealt with the reality of wanting to choose death over life, it is hard for you to understand the depth of my struggle. When I say I am a champion it has an extremely deep meaning. When I say I am free it has an extremely deep meaning. When I say that there is something to be learned from coming to this site daily, I mean it. I?ve been everywhere both mentally and physically.
At moments like those, the superficial pleasures of the world meant nothing. Trust me when I say it. The things so many put time and energy into mean nothing when you?re thinking about seeing what the next lifetime holds. That?s why I don?t respect vanity and materialism anymore. The things that really count are the things you can?t count, and that which you can count means nothing.
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Forgive and Move On
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Daily Thoughts on March 16, 2009 by Maurice Clarett Ha ha. Let?s reflect back to when I was first locked down. I?m laughing because I remember when I would get mad that none of my old friends reached out to see how I was doing. I would sit in the cell wasting time thinking about their lack of communication. I think I spent my first four months being bitter about the shape of my life. I would sit in silence, staring at the walls dreaming of better days but I had no idea of how they would come. I?m not sure that I even had the mental ability to see into the next week. Incarceration was and still is real. Incarceration initially takes you for a psychological ride.
Before prison I don?t think I could have named you five books out of the Bible or library. The thought is embarrassing in a funny way. Doesn?t that sound unbelievable, twenty-two with no real knowledge of any religious or spiritual material? It is hard to believe that I neglected my spirit for so long. Most of my prayers in the past were to be healthy during athletic competitions or safe in the city streets of wherever I lived. That was the extent of it all.
It is good that I?ve separated from my old habits. I want to tell my old friends that I forgive them. I pray that peace be with them throughout their daily movements. I want to express to them that I understand that most of them have never been through this so I can understand them for not knowing how much support I could have used both mentally and spiritually throughout this sentence. Respect should always be there for them but it is official that I must move on. I have business to handle. I have a family and a vision. It doesn?t consist of nonsense and nightclubs. I am a father. It is time to move on.