BuckShots
Banned
Hello Buckeye Friends and Family-
<O:p
Well my Buckeye family, we have learned many valuable lessons this past week. We learned that Coach Tress is not afraid open up the offense. We learned that our linebackers are really “THAT” good. We learned that our team wants to dominate games and not go with the usual heart attack brand of football. On a personal note- I learned that I could feel important even without alcohol. (Which is a nice balance) I also learned that not only can I play the piano when I am drunk, but also I can vomit, fall down, and make dirty calls to my ex-wife’s sister. Lets just say that it didn’t go over very well with her husband. Well, he has kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his mailbox. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly,” and replace “mailbox” with “dog.”
<O:p
Speaking of lessons- I thought I would give you a peek into the mind of a Texan. What makes Texans so crazy? What kind of whacked culture makes them so obsessed with their own statehood? What’s up with those f’ing hats? Let’s start with language: Remember that “Y’all” is singular, “All Y’all” is plural, and “All Y’all’s” is plural possessive. Now with this in mind- if you hear a Texan on Saturday exclaim, “Hey, all y’all, watch this!” Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. Also- remember that the word “fix” is used as an auxiliary verb. Example: “Ahm fixin’ to go Wall-Martin.”
<O:p
Ok, now lets get to the fine points of this game. Is it me, or does Texas QB- Vince Young look like that Rocky Dennis kid from the movie Mask starring Cher? Yea, I know that I may be a little harsh. At least I didn’t use a Corky from Life Goes on reference. Wait, didn’t he go on to sing country music in Texas? You must all be wondering- “What is Coach D. going to do next?- Proclaim to be the Lord Jesus Christ and threaten to get drunk and beat up a couple of midgets?” Let’s just say that anything is possible! As a friend told me last Saturday- "I can't make any promises past an hour from now."
<O:p
This week’s game is going to be an absolute shoot-out in The Shoe. But let’s keep in mind that the Texas Longhorns are nothing more than the lesbian sisters of the Michigan Wolverines. So, break out your scarlet and gray, put on your buckeye necklaces, and paint your faces in honor of the great Psycho- cause the Bucks are going to the Rose Bowl on the backs of a Longhorn. Ohio State 17- Texas 10.<O:p></O:p>
<O:p
We will be starting up the tailgate at 8am on Saturday. There will be Texas Hold ‘em, Cornhole, and an X-box tournament. We hope to see everyone there! Remember- we are located just to the left (East) of the Jessie Owen’s memorial in the East Stadium lot. Look for the Black Expedition and Silver Durango. See you there-
<O:p
<O:p
This week I quote a great Texan- President George W. Bush…”Fool me once, shame on you..Fool me, you can’t get fooled again.”<O:p
<O:p
Go Bucks and Yea-Ohio,<O:p
Coach D.
<O:p
Well my Buckeye family, we have learned many valuable lessons this past week. We learned that Coach Tress is not afraid open up the offense. We learned that our linebackers are really “THAT” good. We learned that our team wants to dominate games and not go with the usual heart attack brand of football. On a personal note- I learned that I could feel important even without alcohol. (Which is a nice balance) I also learned that not only can I play the piano when I am drunk, but also I can vomit, fall down, and make dirty calls to my ex-wife’s sister. Lets just say that it didn’t go over very well with her husband. Well, he has kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his mailbox. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly,” and replace “mailbox” with “dog.”
<O:p
Speaking of lessons- I thought I would give you a peek into the mind of a Texan. What makes Texans so crazy? What kind of whacked culture makes them so obsessed with their own statehood? What’s up with those f’ing hats? Let’s start with language: Remember that “Y’all” is singular, “All Y’all” is plural, and “All Y’all’s” is plural possessive. Now with this in mind- if you hear a Texan on Saturday exclaim, “Hey, all y’all, watch this!” Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. Also- remember that the word “fix” is used as an auxiliary verb. Example: “Ahm fixin’ to go Wall-Martin.”
<O:p
Ok, now lets get to the fine points of this game. Is it me, or does Texas QB- Vince Young look like that Rocky Dennis kid from the movie Mask starring Cher? Yea, I know that I may be a little harsh. At least I didn’t use a Corky from Life Goes on reference. Wait, didn’t he go on to sing country music in Texas? You must all be wondering- “What is Coach D. going to do next?- Proclaim to be the Lord Jesus Christ and threaten to get drunk and beat up a couple of midgets?” Let’s just say that anything is possible! As a friend told me last Saturday- "I can't make any promises past an hour from now."
<O:p
This week’s game is going to be an absolute shoot-out in The Shoe. But let’s keep in mind that the Texas Longhorns are nothing more than the lesbian sisters of the Michigan Wolverines. So, break out your scarlet and gray, put on your buckeye necklaces, and paint your faces in honor of the great Psycho- cause the Bucks are going to the Rose Bowl on the backs of a Longhorn. Ohio State 17- Texas 10.<O:p></O:p>
<O:p
We will be starting up the tailgate at 8am on Saturday. There will be Texas Hold ‘em, Cornhole, and an X-box tournament. We hope to see everyone there! Remember- we are located just to the left (East) of the Jessie Owen’s memorial in the East Stadium lot. Look for the Black Expedition and Silver Durango. See you there-
<O:p
<O:p
This week I quote a great Texan- President George W. Bush…”Fool me once, shame on you..Fool me, you can’t get fooled again.”<O:p
<O:p
Go Bucks and Yea-Ohio,<O:p
Coach D.
