Parent dying or dead?

[PrincetonBuckeye]

Is your parent or parents dead or dying?



My dad the other day had info from his cardiologist that only 25% of heart is working.......He is a VERY STRONG man. (mentally)....he won't talk about death, but has to have an internal defibullator (in 2 weeks) too keep him alive....My problem is that I, myself, am not scared of death...but if I lose my dad I don't know what I'm going to do....He is only 62...I was looking forward to another 20 years of him but it looks like I might not see at Christmas....He is my hero!!!


As a medical professional I still don't know how to deal with this crap.....

If you remember he had a stroke in Jan....

What do I do?????

 

[stxbuck]

Damn-my sympathies, my parents are about the same age. Spend as much time w/ him as possible, and get your kids to do the same. I wish I had seen more of my grandparents before they passed.

 

[shoegirl]

My problem is that I, myself, am not scared of death...but if I lose my dad I don't know what I'm going to do....He is only 62...I was looking forward to another 20 years of him

I feel the exact same way about my dad. He's not in the best health, at 65, and I have no idea what I'd do without him.

As for the other parent, my mom died almost 2 years ago. I wasn't as close to her as my dad, but it still shook me to my core. It still does. It was an unexpected death and I wasn't prepared for it at all. Come to think of it, I don't think being prepared would've even helped - losing a parent is unlike any grief I have ever felt... it's essentially like losing a limb, I think. But what do you do? You go on, because you have to. And hopefully you have good people surrounding you, because you'll need them.

But, as your dad IS still around, let me just suggest spending as much quality time as possible while you still have the chance.

 

[PrincetonBuckeye]

Damn-my sympathies, my parents are about the same age. Spend as much time w/ him as possible, and get your kids to do the same. I wish I had seen more of my grandparents before they passed.

I only have 1 kid and she is a "geek" about spending time with "Grandpa"

 

[PrincetonBuckeye]

I feel the exact same way about my dad. He's not in the best health, at 65, and I have no idea what I'd do without him.

As for the other parent, my mom died almost 2 years ago. I wasn't as close to her as my dad, but it still shook me to my core. It still does. It was an unexpected death and I wasn't prepared for it at all. Come to think of it, I don't think being prepared would've even helped - losing a parent is unlike any grief I have ever felt... it's essentially like losing a limb, I think. But what do you do? You go on, because you have to. And hopefully you have good people surrounding you, because you'll need them.

But, as your dad IS still around, let me just suggest spending as much quality time as possible while you still have the chance.

That is what I am trying to think...

I work in an ER and I am an Iraqi vet, so I have seen death...In Iraqi I lost a friend I have known, my best friend, for 10 years....It hurt ALOT.....I don't know if I'm over it yet.....

But to lose my HERO is a different feeling.....the immediate trauma is going to hurt the worse....

 

[BuckeyeRyn]

I'm sorry to hear of this, PB...

I am extremely fortunate to have both my parents still alive. I am most definitely daddy's little girl and can't even begin to imagine what it is going to be like to watch his health decline... Scared shitless as a matter of fact... He is the one man in my life I can always count on, who loves me completely and without a doubt unconditionally.

As most around here know BKB's mom died a year and a half ago. I would certainly never speak for BKB but I can say, that was a damn tough part of life and I will never fully understand the pain until I loose a parent myself.

Damn, it's 8:44, M%ch&g*n still sucks but cancer sucks more!!

 

[PrincetonBuckeye]

I'm sorry to hear of this, PB...

I am extremely fortunate to have both my parents still alive. I am most definitely daddy's little girl and can't even begin to imagine what it is going to be like to watch his health decline... Scared shitless as a matter of fact... He is the one man in my life I can always count on, who loves me completely and without a doubt unconditionally.

As most around here know BKB's mom died a year and a half ago. I would certainly never speak for BKB but I can say, that was a damn tough part of life and I will never fully understand the pain until I loose a parent myself.

Damn, it's 8:44, M%ch&g*n still sucks but cancer sucks more!!

Damn, it's 8:44, M%ch&g*n still sucks but cancer sucks more!!

That makes me feel better....

but I'm still not sure what to do with my dad.....I bought new patio furniture today....all my dad wanted to do is try to help as Amanda and I put it together....He still thinks he is 35!!! 2 hours later he was hurting....this is the time I wish I would have died Iraq......although death doesn't scare me I which I could take my dads place......

 

[CCI]

Is your parent or parents dead or dying?

Both parents are alive, my dad has had a few heart attacks and many operations. my Mom is a fitness nut and lives a good life.

 

[BuckeyeRyn]

That makes me feel better....

but I'm still not sure what to do with my dad.....I bought new patio furniture today....all my dad wanted to do is try to help as Amanda and I put it together....He still thinks he is 35!!! 2 hours later he was hurting....this is the time I wish I would have died in Iraq......although death doesn't scare me I which I could take my dads place......

Nope.. as bad as it might hurt to loose a parent I can simply imagine (for only a plit second before I start to physically get ill) that it would be 10000000 times worse to bury a child...

Just be there for your dad, enjoy your time, make memories... one thing illnesses allow for is the time to do a few things prior to dying. Have him write your daughter a letter for her wedding day or for when she becomes a mom, etc. Ask him questions and lots of them, and really listen to the answers. Let him be stubborn, let him be head strong, that is who he is and that is why you adore and love him so much.

 

[scooter1369]

First and foremost, I'm very sorry about the news.

As for the first question, My mother is still alive an ornery as ever. My father went to hell over 5 years ago. No loss.

Sorry, but I just don't have any good advice. I didn't know my dad was dead until September of last year. Can't say I miss him.

 

[Best Buckeye]

Very sorry to hear this PB. We all dread the day when we lose our parents.
You will just have to spend as much time with him as you can and enjoy the time you will have, and have had.

 

[Steve19]

Talk to him about it.

Listen.

Tell him what he means to you.

Listen.

Make peace if there are any difficulties between you or any unfinished business.

Listen.

Let him know what you plan to do with your life, and how you plan to participate in the lives of other loved ones of his, after he dies.

Listen.


Let him know that he does not need anyone's permission to die, except his own.

Listen.


Tell him what he means to you.

Listen.



Be at peace and go well.

 

[elliemae]

Very sorry to hear that!
You need to spend time with him & do things with him as if there is no tomorrow.
Both my parents are cancer survivors! I don't know if they know how lucky they sre to be honest. I feel lucky they are still here.
My dad had a mild heart attack 2 years ago last February. They did a quadruple by pass on him. Then just over a month ago he had a stint put in.
He seems fine now!

 

[PrincetonBuckeye]

Talk to him about it.

Listen.

Tell him what he means to you.

Listen.

Make peace if there are any difficulties between you or any unfinished business.

Listen.

Let him know what you plan to do with your life, and how you plan to participate in the lives of other loved ones of his, after he dies.

Listen.


Let him know that he does not need anyone's permission to die, except his own.

Listen.


Tell him what he means to you.

Listen.



Be at peace and go well.

Thanks Steve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the greatest advise I have ever gotten about this........LISTEN!!!!!

 

[sandgk]

Princeton - sorry to hear your dad has another bad health issue to face. All you can do I reckon is to keep up hopes and prayers for a favorable outcome from the surgery. A positive approach from the family members can only help him.
As others have said, make the most of this time in any case. Hearing this bad news reminds you (and us) that the time you have with your loved ones, though seemingly endless, is always finite.
Both my mom and dad are, sadly, no longer with us. But, don't dwell on that inevitable end, focus instead on the joy he brings to both his life, yours and others lives. (Even it is by being an ornery cuss and doing more than he should).