Zurp
I have misplaced my pants.
A long time ago, while the dinosaurs still ruled the earth, there lived a man named Gronk. Gronk was the leader of the cavemen and he ruled with an iron fist. The fact that he ruled with an iron fist was very amazing, since iron wasn’t discovered in those days.
There also lived another man. Actually, there lived many, many men, who were Gronk’s subjects. But one man, named Thag, was Gronk’s rival and biggest enemy. Every chance Thag had, he would undermine Gronk’s authority. He constantly tried to steal Gronk’s wives and clubbing tools. He urinated in Gronk’s prize-winning fires, and he was even caught trying to release Gronk’s riding dinosaurs.
Gronk didn’t really care much, because he knew that Thag was just a loser. No one really cared much for Thag, and Thag knew it. It drove him crazy every day, until one day, he convinced Gronk to go sleep with the fishes. Gronk had never slept with the fishes, before, and he thought it sounded pretty flippin’ sweet.
Wearing his new concrete shoes (which was actually one, big shoe), Gronk jumped into the water, and sunk to the bottom. He lay down on the bottom of the lake and tried to sleep. However, he found out that he couldn’t sleep with all the laughing and cheering that Thag was making, back above the water. He decided that he better go punch Thag in the throat to get him to shut up.
He stood up and tried to swim back to the surface. However, he found that with the concrete shoe, he was unable to move his legs. And to make matters worse, the lake in which he was trying to sleep had apparently been infected with mutant, midget cat-people from a nuclear holocaust that wouldn’t occur for another five-hundred-thousand years. Gronk whipped out his trusty club and began clubbing his attackers. Despite being totally immersed in the water, Gronk pounded the little guys into cans of sardines. The sardines, of course, were greasy and gross.
But Gronk was surrounded. He knew he had to get out of the water, but he couldn’t move his feet. And needing to keep his club, he was unable to swim with just one hand. He called to Thag to help him out of the water, but Thag was no longer near the lake. He realized at that point that Thag had set this up as an attempt to murder Gronk. Gronk vowed to personally kick Thag’s ass if he ever got out of his mess.
Just as Gronk had figured out, Thag, indeed, was trying to kill him. Thag was already visiting Gronk’s wives, kicking his dogs, and peeing in his award-winning fires. The wives and dogs didn’t mind the treatment so much, but the fires were pretty pissed-off. They attempted to fight back, but he simply laughed at them and told them that they were lousy Notre Dame fans.
Gronk, using his skills as barbecue-master, clubbed his concrete shoe. After his third merciless attack on the defenseless shoe, the concrete crumbled off. The mutant, midget cat-people ran for their lives. Gronk, however, had pure 93-octane adrenaline in his veins, and he pummeled the cat-people, until they all agreed to give him their lunch money.
But Gronk didn’t want their lunch money. He wanted to beat up Thag. He ran from the lake, be-heading witches with his club whenever he happened to find one. After he be-headed the first witch, he saw no more witches, and be-headed no more witches. "Take that, Witch!" he yelled, as he picked an orange from the tree, and spat on it.
He found Thag right where anyone might have found him: in the casino, gambling Gronk’s money. Gronk, who had to pee pretty badly, threw his spit-on orange at Thag and cursed at him. Thag, who feared no one, whipped out his own club, and they agreed to play a game over Texas Hold ‘Em.
Before the first hand could be completely dealt, however, Thag ran to the restroom. He didn’t return for 15 minutes, and Gronk took all of Thag’s chips, as well as his wives, his dogs, and his award-winning fires.
"I’ll get you," said Thag.
Gronk replied, "A drink? Thanks!"
Thag then was forever Gronk’s bitch. And they both lived happily ever after. Except for Thag. Thag was pretty unhappy.
There also lived another man. Actually, there lived many, many men, who were Gronk’s subjects. But one man, named Thag, was Gronk’s rival and biggest enemy. Every chance Thag had, he would undermine Gronk’s authority. He constantly tried to steal Gronk’s wives and clubbing tools. He urinated in Gronk’s prize-winning fires, and he was even caught trying to release Gronk’s riding dinosaurs.
Gronk didn’t really care much, because he knew that Thag was just a loser. No one really cared much for Thag, and Thag knew it. It drove him crazy every day, until one day, he convinced Gronk to go sleep with the fishes. Gronk had never slept with the fishes, before, and he thought it sounded pretty flippin’ sweet.
Wearing his new concrete shoes (which was actually one, big shoe), Gronk jumped into the water, and sunk to the bottom. He lay down on the bottom of the lake and tried to sleep. However, he found out that he couldn’t sleep with all the laughing and cheering that Thag was making, back above the water. He decided that he better go punch Thag in the throat to get him to shut up.
He stood up and tried to swim back to the surface. However, he found that with the concrete shoe, he was unable to move his legs. And to make matters worse, the lake in which he was trying to sleep had apparently been infected with mutant, midget cat-people from a nuclear holocaust that wouldn’t occur for another five-hundred-thousand years. Gronk whipped out his trusty club and began clubbing his attackers. Despite being totally immersed in the water, Gronk pounded the little guys into cans of sardines. The sardines, of course, were greasy and gross.
But Gronk was surrounded. He knew he had to get out of the water, but he couldn’t move his feet. And needing to keep his club, he was unable to swim with just one hand. He called to Thag to help him out of the water, but Thag was no longer near the lake. He realized at that point that Thag had set this up as an attempt to murder Gronk. Gronk vowed to personally kick Thag’s ass if he ever got out of his mess.
Just as Gronk had figured out, Thag, indeed, was trying to kill him. Thag was already visiting Gronk’s wives, kicking his dogs, and peeing in his award-winning fires. The wives and dogs didn’t mind the treatment so much, but the fires were pretty pissed-off. They attempted to fight back, but he simply laughed at them and told them that they were lousy Notre Dame fans.
Gronk, using his skills as barbecue-master, clubbed his concrete shoe. After his third merciless attack on the defenseless shoe, the concrete crumbled off. The mutant, midget cat-people ran for their lives. Gronk, however, had pure 93-octane adrenaline in his veins, and he pummeled the cat-people, until they all agreed to give him their lunch money.
But Gronk didn’t want their lunch money. He wanted to beat up Thag. He ran from the lake, be-heading witches with his club whenever he happened to find one. After he be-headed the first witch, he saw no more witches, and be-headed no more witches. "Take that, Witch!" he yelled, as he picked an orange from the tree, and spat on it.
He found Thag right where anyone might have found him: in the casino, gambling Gronk’s money. Gronk, who had to pee pretty badly, threw his spit-on orange at Thag and cursed at him. Thag, who feared no one, whipped out his own club, and they agreed to play a game over Texas Hold ‘Em.
Before the first hand could be completely dealt, however, Thag ran to the restroom. He didn’t return for 15 minutes, and Gronk took all of Thag’s chips, as well as his wives, his dogs, and his award-winning fires.
"I’ll get you," said Thag.
Gronk replied, "A drink? Thanks!"
Thag then was forever Gronk’s bitch. And they both lived happily ever after. Except for Thag. Thag was pretty unhappy.
I just watched Thag throw his woman 96 feet. She was so happy she did the funky chicken. Meanwhile Gronk was just standing around clubbing himself while playing a rock. :2004:
