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Last minute Valentine love letters

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My dearest Jessica Alba,

Upon this canvas I shall spill my soul's inner-most desires for you, and upon my chest I carve your name with the dagger of carnal desire, so the world may knoweth that only you lie within my heart.

With sensual velvet kisses, with flames of passion, with lustful burning eyes I bathe this canvas in my love-soaked thoughts for you, and only you.

What manner of creature can resist your romantic hazel coloured eyes have always mystified me. I'm not even sure what colour hazel is officially supposed to be, but I did a check using a paint program and the html code is #887044. I always thought hazel was a type of nut, or even a type of witch, but now I realise its actually a colour.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I just can't just help but admire and love your gorgeous brown hair, which sometimes reminds me of a bird nest (only without the eggs and chicks)

You know how much we love going to the cinema together. I think its fantastic that we can share a movie together, although I sometimes have to laugh when you start snorting and laughing out loud every time someone says the word "bush" or "wood". Its also funny to watch you slurp your drink, chew your popcorn out loud, and talk through out the movie, annoying the rest of the movie go-ers in the process.

Words alone cannot express how unique my love is for you. I love you, and you only, I swear that to you my love ....having said that I do love my car which I've just recently done up! It now makes more noise then a jet engine, is more blockier then an old Mario game, and has such low skirting that the whole thing will break apart if I drive over a bottle top, but thats besides the point. My point is that I love you and my love for you is unique (isn't it weird how the word 'unique' and 'eunuch' sound the same? The word Unix also sounds similar, but 'Chimpanzee' doesn't)

I really must tell you though, I absolutely adore your gorgeous eyes! I think if God created something truly amazing, then its definitely gotta be your eyes! I know some people say the same thing about horses and giraffes, but I think your eyes exceeds anything else!

Anyhow my love, I must bring this letter to an end now. But I must tell you something. I've always wondered what you would look like in Black underwear. I really think you would be the hottest thing on this planet in Black underwear and you could easily overthrow any model out there! If you wear those for me, I promise to worship you and treat you like royalty (Just so long as you don't make me clean your toenails with a toothbrush! I draw the line there).

With every beat from my burning, heart which screams your name with every carnal thought of you, I wish you the most happiest Valentines Day ever!

Forever and eternally yours and yours only,

Abcdefg

xxx @}-->---
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:lol: Good find.
 
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Funny stuff!

Would you like to send this letter to someone? Not so fast! First of all you agree that the letter you are about to send is for comedy purposes only and you will NOT hold this website (or anyone connected with it) reponsible for any outcome which may happen as a direct or indirect result of sending this letter to someone. I officially discourage you from sending this to anyone, and if you do so, then its at your own risk. You also agree to abide by the terms and conditions of this website. (In other words, if your boyfriend, girlfriend, fianceé, lover, husband, wife, mistress, friend, room-mate dog, badger, mucus or whatever, happens to be a total stiff with no sense of humour and decides to break-up with you or swear at you for sending this to them, then its your own fault!). You must also agree that you will never use this page (or anything else on this website) to send abuse to anyone. Check the box below before pressing the 'send' button, if you agree.
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Now that is one great disclaimer!!
 
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Sweet! This will save me five minutes of bull-shitting. I'll just print it, fold it up, and stick it in her card.

My dearest Mrs. Katt,

Oh beautiful angel! How I yearn for your velvet touch and how my lips burn for your moist kiss which is sweeter then the nectar which drips from the earth's most beautiful flower.

Only heaven would outcast an alluring work of Gods perfection like you, because even divine angels cannot look upon your delicate face without sacrificing themselves for you. There is just something about you which makes me want to take you in my arms and keep you forever.

What human being would not appreciate those beautiful big brown eyes of yours which look like shiny little pebbles which you find on the beach. Is that where you found them?

I simply love your gorgeous brown hair which shines in the sun like bear fur. Only your hair is longer then bear fur and is a lot more radiant, and smells better.

I love sitting on the couch with you and talking for hours on end. I think its great fun to wind you up by asking you baited questions like "Who is the better sex, men or women?". Oh how I love to watch your nostrils flare up, and your face turn red. The best part is when you stomp around insisting you are right, like a 2 year old brat. Its the cute little things like that which I really love about you!

You know I've always loved your gorgeous chest and I can't wait to see you again so I can drool like an idiot over your chest and make a complete fool out of myself in public as always. I think its great how you just roll your eyes upwards whenever I do that, and politely smile at me. Oh how I do love those charming little habits of yours!

Anyhow my love, I must bring this letter to an end now. But I must tell you something. I've always wondered what you would look like in Leapord Skin underwear. I really think you would be the hottest thing on this planet in Leapord Skin underwear and you could easily overthrow any model out there! If you wear those for me, I promise to worship you and treat you like royalty (Just so long as you don't make me clean your toenails with a toothbrush! I draw the line there).

I wish you a happy Valentines Day with every burning spark of lust, fired by flames of passion from my tender bleeding heart.

Eternally loving you, with flames of desire,

Bucky

xxx @}-->---​
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This thread is a classic!

My dearest Alyssa Milano,

A fire inside me burns with fiery passion to unleash what I am about to say to you! And only the sweet nectar from your lips may vanquish this fiery inferno.

With sensual velvet kisses, with flames of passion, with lustful burning eyes I bathe this canvas in my love-soaked thoughts for you, and only you.

What human being would not appreciate those fabulous brown eyes of yours which reminds me of the bark of a tree. (By bark I mean the outer coating and not a dog's bark. Just thought I'd clear that up)

Your beautiful black hair reminds me of a burnt out frying pan - so dark yet so shiny. (But I will say this, your hair smells better then a burnt out frying pan though. I thought I'd better clear that up incase you get offended and decide to chase me with a cricket bat)

I love sitting on the couch with you and talking for hours on end. I think its great fun to wind you up by asking you baited questions like "Who is the better sex, men or women?". Oh how I love to watch your nostrils flare up, and your face turn red. The best part is when you stomp around insisting you are right, like a 2 year old brat. Its the cute little things like that which I really love about you!

Words alone cannot express how unique my love is for you. I love you, and you only, I swear that to you my love ....well OK, I guess I also love my MP3 player which I love listening to when you are not around. Come to think of it I listen to it when you are around too, but we're not talking about that right now! (Besides the fact that I just mentioned it now, but that part was allowed because the context was a little bit relevant)

I really must tell you though, I absolutely adore your gorgeous chest! I think if God created something truly amazing, then its definitely gotta be your chest! I know some people say the same thing about horses and giraffes, but I think your chest exceeds anything else!

Anyway darling, I must depart now. I really can't wait to see you again, especially if you are gonna be wearing sexy Red underwear for me! Go on, surprise me! I've often wondered what you would look like wearing those, and many a nights have gone by where I would sit and fantasise about you wearing Red underwear and I would have no need to watch music videos any more.

With every beat from my burning, heart which screams your name with every carnal thought of you, I wish you the most happiest Valentines Day ever!

I remain a humble slave to your lustful thoughts,

Buckin\' A
 
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Buckin' A;1078856; said:
Someday...I'll show her who's the boss....
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Then just try this one.
Alyssa Milano, valentine of my heart
when you read these words of love nothing will keep us apart,

Yea I will roll you over in the clover
roll you over in the clover and
lay you down and do it again.
then will you love me forever
and do me again and again in the clover.
 
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I found this one. :biggrin:

My dearest hillary,

With the light of love as my guide, the feather of angels as my pen, and the blood of Aphrodite as ink, I weave my thoughts for you.

With sensual velvet kisses, with flames of passion, with lustful burning eyes I bathe this canvas in my love-soaked thoughts for you, and only you.

What manner of creature can resist your amazing multi-coloured eyes which have always fascinated me! I love how they are such weird and wonderful colours and think you look really cool. Marilyn Manson also has cool eyes but his are fake lenses and not natural like yours (plus you are better looking then him).

I've always found your beautiful bald head to be really sexy! I love the way it shines in the sunlight like a marble and have often wondered if you would consider putting solar panels on there. Oh darling think of the electricity we can generate and use, and of course we will be helping the environment.

I'd love for us to go out to our favourite bar again on a Friday night. I simply adore the way you dress like a complete buffoon and then end up attracting attention and getting laughed at by everyone else. I also think its sweet how you try to make friends with random people when you are completely drunk and end up buying them drinks even though you've never met them before.

Words alone cannot express how unique my love is for you. I love you, and you only, I swear that to you my love ....well OK, I guess I also love my guitar which is great cos I love to torture you by bashing my fists against the strings and making silly noises. Its also cute how you sit there fuming away in anger and boredom... or even hysterical laughter, but thats besides the point. My point is that I love you and my love for you is unique (isn't it weird how the word 'unique' and 'eunuch' sound the same? The word Unix also sounds similar, but 'Chimpanzee' doesn't)

I really must tell you though, I absolutely adore your gorgeous bum! I think if God created something truly amazing, then its definitely gotta be your bum! I know some people say the same thing about horses and giraffes, but I think your bum exceeds anything else!

Anyhow my love, I must bring this letter to an end now. But I must tell you something. I've always wondered what you would look like in Leapord Skin underwear. I really think you would be the hottest thing on this planet in Leapord Skin underwear and you could easily overthrow any model out there! If you wear those for me, I promise to worship you and treat you like royalty (Just so long as you don't make me clean your toenails with a toothbrush! I draw the line there).

With every breath in my body and every fibre of my soul, I wish you a velvet kisses drenched, and love-soaked Valentines Day.

I remain a humble slave to your lustful thoughts,

Obama
 
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My dearest Chasey Lain,

How are you doing?

I really hope this note makes you smile. I just wanted to say something to you. You are truly wonderful!

You know I've always loved your gorgeous bum and I can't wait to see you again so I can drool like an idiot over your bum and make a complete fool out of myself in public as always. I think its great how you just roll your eyes upwards whenever I do that, and politely smile at me. Oh how I do love those charming little habits of yours!

I wish you a very happy Valentines Day!

Take Care,

OCBF

I think Bloodhound Gang did it better...
 
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To my raison d'etre

My dearest OCBucksFan,

With the light of love as my guide, the feather of angels as my pen, and the blood of Aphrodite as ink, I weave my thoughts for you.

How my body sweats and trembles with desire, when my thoughts turn to drinking the sweet nectar from your full lips, which is sweeter then the honey dripping from the lips of the Goddess Aphrodite herself.

What human being would not appreciate those radiant blue pools which you call eyes? When I stare deep into them I feel hypnotised and often get the urge to jump into your pools. But I don't think you would appreciate me stripping off and throwing myself naked against your eyeballs. That could hurt.

You know something. I've always found your sexy bald head to be something which I really admire and love! It kinda looks like a shiny giant birds egg, and I've often wondered if you get jealous looks from all the parrots when you walk in to a pet shop. I'm sure they would love to sit on your head and incubate it.

I'm eager to go out to our favourite bar with you again and watch you get chatted up by that sweaty fat troll of a bartender who seems to have taken a fancy to you. I think its sweet how you are offered free drinks and peanuts, and I promise not to roll around laughing at you this time!

You know I've always loved your gorgeous smile and I can't wait to see you again so I can drool like an idiot over your smile and make a complete fool out of myself in public as always. I think its great how you just roll your eyes upwards whenever I do that, and politely smile at me. Oh how I do love those charming little habits of yours!

Anyway darling, I must depart now. I really can't wait to see you again, especially if you are gonna be wearing sexy Purple underwear for me! Go on, surprise me! I've often wondered what you would look like wearing those, and many a nights have gone by where I would sit and fantasise about you wearing Purple underwear and I would have no need to watch music videos any more.

You always remain in my thoughts, helping me keep alive with visions of your sweet lips to help fire up my aching heart!

Forever lost without you,

OCBuckWife

​
 
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