The KSB
4-4-11/11-5-11
I say 15
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gregorylee
I'd rather be napping!!
Come on KSB, insiting NDC seems like a pass time for some folks but can't well enough be left alone?
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BuckBackHome
Wolverine is largest member of weasel family
How long will he have to prepare?
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ORD_Buckeye
Wrong glass, Sir.
I think he'll drop some poundage. They say that stress causes weight loss, and the stress of going 6-5 and having the domers turn on him like they did Willingham will get to him.
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Captain Hindsight
The Hero of the Modern Age
I'm not sure. He's either going to gain ten or lose ten. I hear crying causes you to lose weight, and God knows that's going to happen after the Fiesta Bowl, when we run all over Notre Ame (famous for no D). Or he'll gain it all after the Fiesta Bowl once he eats up the Irish's D like we will once again, when we take the fight out of the Fighting Irish.
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Bob Saccamano
These pretzels are making me thirsty.
Zing!!!
Contrary to ORD's post, I think losing so many games will drive him to alcohol abuse.
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pianobuck46
pianobuck46
Weis
Probably no more than 5 lbs. Whatever, the difference will not be noticeable.
Probably no more than 5 lbs. Whatever, the difference will not be noticeable.
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ekeen
Banned
In his search to improve Notre Dame's woeful defense from last year and bolster holes in the defensive line, head coach Charlie Weis looked to one place he had avoided for years.
"I looked in the mirror," said Weis chuckling making his four chins jiggle in fleshy unison. "I saw that belly and immediately realized I could plug a few holes with that thing."
In a surprise move that has his players baffled, coach Weis has decided to play noseguard for his team starting this fall. Most players didn't realize the coach had made the decision until they saw the depth chart posted on the door of a South Bend Dunkin' Doughnuts shop.
"I saw it said Weis and immediately thought that it must be a typo," said one of the returning defensive lineman. "But that's coach I guess and you gotta roll with it because that's what it says on the his autographed picture he gives every player before camp."
Other players were more enthusiastic. "I think it's great," said QB Brady Quinn, "a lot of people were questioning it at first but last Tuesday during practice he really showed his mettle." Quinn was referring to a late afternoon scrimmage where Weis, suited up in a Rudy Ruettiger uniform, Nike pads, and four jelly-filled neck rolls, bum rushed an Irish left tackle and clotheslined Quinn with a forearm shiver to his chin sending the players into a momentary state of shock.
"I know it was a live drill but Brady was wearing the red (safety) jersey, said a walk on safety, "coach has got to realize that Brady doesn't have the same protection to his chin that coach has. That hit was (expletive)."
The player was referring to the fact that Quinn only has one chin compared to his coach's four.
"I don't think it was a cheap shot," said Quinn, who required ten stitches and a Charlie Weis autographed Fat Head poster. "It just shows you how much passion coach has for the green and gold that he is willing to sacrifice for the glory that is him...(pausing) in fact, he replaced our sign coming down the locker steps from "play like a champion" to "play like fat egomaniacs."
Weis is allowed to play for the Irish under NCAA rules because he never used up his college elgibility as an overweight nerd during his years as a Notre Dame student.
Asked about his abilities Weis responded, "I would say I am like a Tony Siragusa type player mixed in with that guy who had to be removed from his house with an elephant crane...you know, that guy in the Guinness Book of World Records."
Asked if he was trying to enter the World Record book by being the oldest player/coach to ever play NCAA Division 1 football, Weiss downplayed it noting he was already enshrined, "I made that book 20 years ago when it took me 4 days to put on one of my socks...yellow stripe one I think, I can't remember, but I think it was the day I couldn't get into the Cotton Bowl with Joe Montana because I got stuck in the turnstill outside the stadium...boy, what a comeback though...Joe told everyone he had the flu but he was really stuck."
So far no opposing coaches are complaining. Said Llyod Carr, 11 year interim head coach at Michigan, "he's smart as a whip and if he thinks his big rear end plugging holes will help them win then that is what he is going to do."
However there are doubters. Some recently released players who had voiced their concerns remained skeptical. "He's just a big fat guy who thinks he's the football Moses," said one player who said it was always his dream to play for Notre Dame but that Wies' ego has ruined that dream forever. "I don't think it's fair, said another player crying under touchdown Jesus, "we went 9-3 last year for Chrissake and now he thinks he's Mean Joe Green...gimmie a break!"
Still the administration is standing by their new Messiah. "If we win the national championship then all our sins will be absolved," said the schools chaplain. "And by sins I mean that horrible Gerry Faust and Bob Davie...wretched wretched men."
Nevertheless, the school is covering it's bases. "If he doesn't record at least one sack a game then I would say his plan hadn't worked," said the University President, "if that happens, we might have to hold an emergency meeting with the Board of Trustees to discuss whether we still wanted to be associated with Coach Weis."
However, Weis isn't worried. "They dumped Willingham sure," he said while munching on a 10 foot subway sandwich he stole from a kindergarten picnic, "but Ty is a moron...he refers to himself in the third person, who does that?" After a few more bites Coach Weis concluded, "what I promise you is this, the Super Me will not let you down, I just won't, not for my team, not for the subway alumni, and most importantly not for me...it's my big belly and I say when I play...that's the bottom line for Super Me."
"I looked in the mirror," said Weis chuckling making his four chins jiggle in fleshy unison. "I saw that belly and immediately realized I could plug a few holes with that thing."
In a surprise move that has his players baffled, coach Weis has decided to play noseguard for his team starting this fall. Most players didn't realize the coach had made the decision until they saw the depth chart posted on the door of a South Bend Dunkin' Doughnuts shop.
"I saw it said Weis and immediately thought that it must be a typo," said one of the returning defensive lineman. "But that's coach I guess and you gotta roll with it because that's what it says on the his autographed picture he gives every player before camp."
Other players were more enthusiastic. "I think it's great," said QB Brady Quinn, "a lot of people were questioning it at first but last Tuesday during practice he really showed his mettle." Quinn was referring to a late afternoon scrimmage where Weis, suited up in a Rudy Ruettiger uniform, Nike pads, and four jelly-filled neck rolls, bum rushed an Irish left tackle and clotheslined Quinn with a forearm shiver to his chin sending the players into a momentary state of shock.
"I know it was a live drill but Brady was wearing the red (safety) jersey, said a walk on safety, "coach has got to realize that Brady doesn't have the same protection to his chin that coach has. That hit was (expletive)."
The player was referring to the fact that Quinn only has one chin compared to his coach's four.
"I don't think it was a cheap shot," said Quinn, who required ten stitches and a Charlie Weis autographed Fat Head poster. "It just shows you how much passion coach has for the green and gold that he is willing to sacrifice for the glory that is him...(pausing) in fact, he replaced our sign coming down the locker steps from "play like a champion" to "play like fat egomaniacs."
Weis is allowed to play for the Irish under NCAA rules because he never used up his college elgibility as an overweight nerd during his years as a Notre Dame student.
Asked about his abilities Weis responded, "I would say I am like a Tony Siragusa type player mixed in with that guy who had to be removed from his house with an elephant crane...you know, that guy in the Guinness Book of World Records."
Asked if he was trying to enter the World Record book by being the oldest player/coach to ever play NCAA Division 1 football, Weiss downplayed it noting he was already enshrined, "I made that book 20 years ago when it took me 4 days to put on one of my socks...yellow stripe one I think, I can't remember, but I think it was the day I couldn't get into the Cotton Bowl with Joe Montana because I got stuck in the turnstill outside the stadium...boy, what a comeback though...Joe told everyone he had the flu but he was really stuck."
So far no opposing coaches are complaining. Said Llyod Carr, 11 year interim head coach at Michigan, "he's smart as a whip and if he thinks his big rear end plugging holes will help them win then that is what he is going to do."
However there are doubters. Some recently released players who had voiced their concerns remained skeptical. "He's just a big fat guy who thinks he's the football Moses," said one player who said it was always his dream to play for Notre Dame but that Wies' ego has ruined that dream forever. "I don't think it's fair, said another player crying under touchdown Jesus, "we went 9-3 last year for Chrissake and now he thinks he's Mean Joe Green...gimmie a break!"
Still the administration is standing by their new Messiah. "If we win the national championship then all our sins will be absolved," said the schools chaplain. "And by sins I mean that horrible Gerry Faust and Bob Davie...wretched wretched men."
Nevertheless, the school is covering it's bases. "If he doesn't record at least one sack a game then I would say his plan hadn't worked," said the University President, "if that happens, we might have to hold an emergency meeting with the Board of Trustees to discuss whether we still wanted to be associated with Coach Weis."
However, Weis isn't worried. "They dumped Willingham sure," he said while munching on a 10 foot subway sandwich he stole from a kindergarten picnic, "but Ty is a moron...he refers to himself in the third person, who does that?" After a few more bites Coach Weis concluded, "what I promise you is this, the Super Me will not let you down, I just won't, not for my team, not for the subway alumni, and most importantly not for me...it's my big belly and I say when I play...that's the bottom line for Super Me."
Upvote
0
