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A new low.

My wife and I have lived in our neighborhood for eight years now. Last night while taking our kids around she got lost in our own neighborhood. She called my cell phone from clear on the other side of the development to come and pick her up. She said it was dark, and she could not tell which way to turn. :!
 
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A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab,
and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver
won't stop staring at her and she asks him why
he is staring.

He replies. "I have a question to ask you but I
don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.
When you're as old as I am and have been a
nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
and hear just about everything. I'm sure that
there's nothing you could say or ask that I
would find offensive."

"Well," replies the cabbie, "I've always had a
fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do
about that: #1, you have to be single and #2,
you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes,
I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush. But when they get back
on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must
confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and
I'm going to a Halloween Party."
 
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scarletandgrey;649142; said:
I politely tell them that I'm not passing out candy and the bitch flipped out on me.

I say "Mam my porch light isn't on for a reason"

She cusses me out for about thirty seconds telling me and I quote "It's mother fuckers like you who are ruining the holidays for all of our kids".

I admire your restraint, because I shit you not I'd would've smacked the bitch...no exaggeration. Let the cunt call the cops on me...I'll get her for trespassing and threatening language. Fat cunt. You want fucking free candy? Go fuck the neighborhood crack dealer...
 
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osuflashingpumpkinsyi6.gif
 
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I was passing out candy on Saturday and about gave a full bag to some kid wearing a brutus costume...first I've ever seen.


MY rules for Halloween

1) A towel cannot be a cape.... try and fly with that heavy mofo on.....impossible.

2) Your walking door to door unless you dont have legs!!! no rides!!

3) I'm slashing your effin tires if i see you following your kid(s) in your car ... (I live in a small(ish) town, and seriously it becomes a traffic/saftey issue) lazy ass, get out of your SUV and be a parent.

4) you say "trick or treat" otherwise your not getting a god damn thing...
promptly followed by a "thank you"

5) Hows about you NOT wear the outfit from "Scream"?!?....seriously

6) If I'm spending nearly $100 of my hard earned money on candy to make neighborhood kids happy and carry on tradition,
then I see your punk ass next door NOT passing out candy and I know your doing well for yourself - you deserve having the crap kicked out of you.

7) sorry, but i'm not buying that "I'm trick or treating for 2 people" B.S....
put on another costume, come back around and try to fool me at least;

Finally

8) Little punks who want to prank me, please remember; I stay up late.. I'm packing a high velocity paintball gun, with frozen paintballs, sitting on my roof....
and a little practice with aiming comes in handy with deer season rolling in.
 
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Buckin' A;649495; said:
I ALWAYS HATED THE FUCKERS WHO WOULD GIVE YOU A PENNY B/C THEY WERE TOO DAMNED LAZY TO GO BUY CANDY.
I think I did that in all caps b/c I got a little angry.

Would you still have hated it if all these "lazy people" just gave you a ten dollar bill? :biggrin:
 
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