Giovanni Strassini: A Football Fantasy

Work in progress

 

The phrase "Jumped the shark" has jumped the shark.

 

I think the Strassini v. Strassini case unequivocally establishes that Finkle is Einhorn and vice versa.

Then who is Mclovin????

 

Hey! That's some of my family and their lawyer! He's very good.

 

Now that we're famous, I hope we don't have to stop saying "[censored]" around here...

Boy, that Funke is some kind of somethin'.

 

Boy, that Funke is some kind of somethin'.

That is a great social statement. I shall get the video camera. This is ripe for parody. This is ripe!

 

Hey! That's some of my family and their lawyer! He's very good.

Very good at identifying your balls a photograph too.

 

Can't be too careful, I suppose. But I did not get the impression in speaking to him that he's an inherently vengeful or emotionally unstable person. In truth, he has been under constant assault these past several days. Deservedly so, I would say, and to a large extent, I think he agreed.

It is difficult, in the face of the information dredged up that links him to these aliases under which he denies having operated, to come out in strict defense of the man. I am not, however, an investigative journalist, and I did not enter the interview with all of my homework done, so to speak. I mostly just wanted to get a sense of the narrative as it came from the man in question.

What I got from that was a bit of a mixed bag, I suppose. Lingering doubt about the nature of his relationship with the program: plenty. A sense of frustration on his part with how little control he now has over what remains of his online identity: check. A willingness to take his lumps, and an admission that some, if not all, of the crackings wise made here have been both justified and amusing: surprisingly, yes.

He was by no means without contrition. Still, he was vehement in his assertion that he at no point gained financially from the persona he so willingly adopted. And I think adopted, then - not exploited - is the most prudent term for it. If we can isolate the transgression of impersonating a football player, I think it's easy to call this an instance of prolonged weakness--the inability to resist the adoration the position garnered him and (as you care to allow it) the self-satisfaction gotten from the good-natured acts he claims to have made while wearing that mask.

None of that shoos away the spectre of his alleged criminal record, a record he roundly denied having. There is a chain of logic there that is difficult to pull apart. He claimed that he did, in fact, attend Ohio State, but that he had a different name at the time. How to reconcile that with the flat denial of the existence of aliases, I haven't the foggiest idea.

In any case, with specific regard to the imaginary man, the legendary Buckeye tight end Giovanni Strassini, I understand (if only just) the allure of stardom. I was close to athletes in my time at Ohio State, and I was constantly amazed by the sycophantic worship that followed even the most modestly accomplished among them. They pay a price for that stardom, of course--they're more visible, more subject to critique. I would say, then, that this is Strassini's time to make up for having only ever taken the good parts of being a star athlete. The jabs are warranted.

But if we're to treat him that way, it's probably fair to extend to him the same courtesy we do to the true athletes, which is to leave his family out of the equation. He would tell you to respect the aforementioned court decision as well and no longer associate him with the John Strassinis that are on record for various misdoings. That, at this point, may be asking too much. As long as we can keep it above board and examine the issue with maturity (which for the most part I think has been the case), then I don't think anyone here need worry about any return action from Giovanni Strassini.

THANK YOU!

 

Very good at identifying your balls a photograph too.

I know more than you'll... never know...

 

I know more than you'll... never know...

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own recordings to see what Michael was referring to.
Tobias Funke: [on tape] Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!
Tobias Funke: [out loud] Nothing wrong with that.
Tobias Funke: [on tape] I've been in the film business for a while but I just cant seem to get one in the can.
Tobias Funke: [out loud] Context...
Tobias Funke: [on tape] I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: And he realizes there IS something distinct about the way he speaks.
Tobias Funke: [out loud] Tobias... you blow hard!

 

Harvey just got away with a bases loaded balk.

Tabbed browsing fail?

 

HineyG8, you are really quite the Cupid. You can sink your arrow into my buttocks any time.

 

As long as we can keep it above board and examine the issue with maturity (which for the most part I think has been the case), then I don't think anyone here need worry about any return action from Giovanni Strassini.

Soooo....you're saying I should bitch up and watch for the Reeper?

 

Tabbed browsing fail?

Pretty much.

 

Hey! That's some of my family and their lawyer! He's very good.

Those are balls.

 

Well if ol' Gio wants everyone to move along from this he'd be better off being forthright, contrite and apologetic for everything instead of continued misinformation and deception. Until this happens, I don't know how or why Strassini should expect anyone to call off the dogs.