Funny hospital stories (let's keep this light)

[BB73]

Anybody have any humorous tales from the hospital? And please, let's keep this thread light, by avoiding any painful experiences and refraining from bashing those in the medical profession.

Here's mine:

My mother-in-law was recently in the hospital for over 3 weeks (she's now home and doing well). At one point she had very bad pneumonia and was put on a vent and taken to Intensive Care. A couple days later, she was off the vent but still in the ICU. Just before 7 a.m. one morning, I was the only one in the room with her, and she asked for some water. I knew it was OK, so I said sure and got her some water.

I asked her if she wanted to sit up higher when she drank it, and she nodded. So I pressed the button to raise the back of her bed (I'd done it before). After a second of the mechanical noise of the bed rising, there was a popping sound and an alarm went off. I quit pressing the button and gave her the water. Within a few seconds, a nurse rushed into the room, saw that the patient was not in duress, then went to the back of the bed and plugged a cord back in saying "You set off a code". I said "Sorry, I was just raising up the bed" as she left the room and told the crowd of others with the crash-cart approaching in the hallway that it was a false alarm. A couple seconds later they were all gone, and I looked at my mother-in-law and we both just cracked up.

Maybe it's a "had to be there" story, but after the strain of the previous couple of days it was hilarious to us. And honestly, all I did was push the button, the cord was improperly caught up in something behind the bed. :!

 

[BUCKYLE]

When I was younger, I was in and out of hospitals for years. Anyway, I had jaundice, among other symptoms. I'm in Children's, been there for three plus days, no shower, same clothes I walked in wearing. This big gay murse walks in, (keep in mind I'm 16 years old) and starts talking to me like I'm an infant. "How aw you doing champ"? Now I know he's just trying to be nice, but I couldn't give a fuck about nice at that point. I'm all "How the fuck does it look like I'm doing, dick?!" My mom backhands me so hard, I had a red hand print on an otherwise yellow face.

 

[Gatorubet]

OK, not a hospital, but medical related story. I had eye surgery for a cataract that formed as a reaction to a drug I was prescribed. Actually, I had the other eye done years earlier, and this was the second one, so I knew what to expect.

They cut a hole in your eyeball, and then put a contact into your eye. The next day you take off the patch and they see how good the vision is. Well, the assistant takes me into a room, turns out the lights, and then removes the eye patch and asks me to close the other eye - look out of the surgery eye and tell her what line I can read on the eye chart. I look. Everything is white and I see nothing. I answer her "what line do you see?" with "Nothing. I can't see anything, everything is whiteout" She goes "Oh shit!", which is not the heart warming response I was looking for, and runs out of the room saying "I'll get the doctor." So I wait about five minutes, and the doctor comes in and says "How are you doing?" I say, "Other than the blindness, pretty good." Well, he says nothing, and looks at me. Finally he says that he cut a vein in the eye, and that the eye is filled with blood cells, but it will go away.

Son of a gun, when I woke up the next morning, I could see fine. I walk to the john, and by the time I get there I can't see out of it again. Just like a snow globe when you shake it up, the blood cells would shake up when I got out of bed and I could not see again. It all got absorbed in a week or so, and I could see fine. But the "Oh shit!" had me going for a while

 

[iambrutus]

worked at a hospital for 5 years - i was a biomedical technician - i've got lots of stories

i was walking through the DCU and this woman that had to be 900 years old comes strolling out of her room buck naked and asks me if i want a special dance

same DCU unit - an old man walks out of his room (clothes on) with a pile of shit in his hand - says to me - "this is the finest chocolate in the world, would you like a bite?"

 

[Steve19]

Not sure if I told you guys this before or not. In 1983, I had a black employee go into shock and collapse due to an ectoptic pregnancy (i.e., in the fallopian tube), during a race riot in Durban, South Africa. That was the days of Apartheid health care and separate hospitals for separate races in South Africa, so I took her to the hospital and walked through the process with her guerney to make sure that she was taken care of.

In the middle of this, I sat down, out of exhaustion, in a waiting room chair. It was a minute or two before I realized that the man beside me had an axe buried in his head, straight down the middle. They had put a cast around it and his head down to his shoulders and he was fully alert and sitting there talking in Zulu while awaiting his turn.

I started laughing, thinking it was some kind of joke, but it was a genuine case. Three days later, when I stopped to pick up my employee, the people in the ward told me that it wasn't the first one who had come in like that and lived.

 

[Best Buckeye]

Not sure if I told you guys this before or not. In 1983, I had a black employee go into shock and collapse due to an ectoptic pregnancy (i.e., in the fallopian tube), during a race riot in Durban, South Africa. That was the days of Apartheid health care and separate hospitals for separate races in South Africa, so I took her to the hospital and walked through the process with her guerney to make sure that she was taken care of.

In the middle of this, I sat down, out of exhaustion, in a waiting room chair. It was a minute or two before I realized that the man beside me had an axe buried in his head, straight down the middle. They had put a cast around it and his head down to his shoulders and he was fully alert and sitting there talking in Zulu while awaiting his turn.

I started laughing, thinking it was some kind of joke, but it was a genuine case. Three days later, when I stopped to pick up my employee, the people in the ward told me that it wasn't the first one who had come in like that and lived.

...Checks the other four posts in the thread... Nope you hadn't told it yet Steve.

 

[NFBuck]

About 10 years ago, my friend broke his arm bad enough that it required some surgery. A couple of us go in to visit him. We're all just hanging out in his room bullshitting when I decide to head off to the vending machine to get a snack. As I approach the elevator, I look to my left and see a stark naked man, probably in his fifties, walking down the hall mumbling to himself while pissing and sweeping his, um, unit, as if he were putting out a fire. Laughed my ass off the whole way down in the elevator.