Funniest Moments on the Golf Course/Range

[doubleEbuck]

all great stories, i would have loved to see the guy with the left-handed clubs!

here's a couple -

this one is more dumb than anything but i laughed pretty hard. a buddy and myself were standing on a tee box trying to guage the wind direction, after some disagreement, my friend says "i think it's blowing right into our face". as he is saying this, he throws a handfull of grass into the air. sure enough, it blows back directly into his face...
one of those monty python moments i guess.

another,
i was playing a four man scramble for my softball team's fundraiser. needless to say this included beer. so we were constantly flagging down the beer girl all day. good looking girl too. the four of us were doing our best to impress her, giving lines, asking for her #, etc. finally, on 15 or 16 she stops about 20 feet behind the loud obnoxious guy to watch his shot. i'm not sure what this guy did on his swing, but his ball went about 10 feet in front of him and a divot the size of a softball went directly over his head and hit the girl 20 feet behind him. i still laugh out loud whenever i think about it.

 

[buckeyefool]

About My forth or fifth time playing gold ever, I went through on my back swing and the next thing I know half the club is in My hand, and half of it flew over my shoulder.

Was in a scamble once and one of the guys hit this line drive that was heading towards the lake. Well it hit the drop here sign for the hazards and destroyed the sign, but didn't go in the water.

 

[Oh8ch]

I live across from the old Grovebrook course (now closed GDit) and played there often. There is one hole that is tight off the tee with trees on both sides. I am playing with my son and he hits a tree on the left so solid it comes back on a line and takes a divot on the green next to us.

The next week I am playing with my son and my brother and on the same hole and I am telling that story. My brother laughs loudly, then proceeds to hit the trees on the right. Ball goes straight up and lands in the trash can next to the Tee Box.

Damn I will miss that course.


I also recall the first time my son and I played Bolton (now Mentel). He had hit his tee shot well left around a blind turn. We go to look and the only ball we see is resting on a nearby green a few feet from the hole - within easy range of where he might have gone. We look towards what we thought was the tee box for that hole and nobody is there. He trots up to the green, grabs the ball (it matched what he was hitting) and starts to walk off.

As you can guess, we were looking at the wrong tee box. It was actually a short par 3 and the guy - who had hit a really nice shot - was beside himself. I can only imagine what must have been going through his head watching us take his ball.

 

[LoKyBuckeye]

These stories are hilarious! Nasty... your story had me rollin'.

I also had a funny one with one of my clubs. I was out golfing with a friend of mine... I was 17 at the time. To the left of the tee box and the fairway was water. My first shot was terrible so I decided to hit another.... as I hit the ball I let go of the club... SPLASH... into the water it went. So naturally I take off my shoes and pants (I had shorts on under them) and started into the water to retrieve the club. As I'm looking for a guy drives by in a cart and asks "are you looking for a ball??" and I calmly say "nope... I'm looking for my fucking driver!". My friend is laughing his ass off the whole time but I did find the club. I don't know what it is with me and water but I find it all the time no matter if it's with the ball, a cart or my clubs.

 

[Oh8ch]

Didn't realize how much strange crap has happened to me on a golf course til I read these other stories.

I have never had a serious injury in any sport - except one.

I was playing a nine hole course in Patalaska (will they ever build a monument to their home town hero?).

I hit a ball that rolled into the water and was standing on the edge of the hazard trying to see if I could spot it. I wasn't wearing cleats and my feet went out from under me. I caught myself with my hands and immediately felt my left wrist give. The doctor later used the term 'pulverized' to describe it.

Great doc though - unless I am recounting this story I never think about it - full range of motion.

Worst part was - the hazard wasn't even on my hole. I had to hit across another fairway to get to it.

I have since always remembered one of the cardinal rules of golf - Keep your left arm straight and don't break your wrist.

 

[iambrutus]

a buddy of mine and i went drinking one night, stayed up until 3 or 4 just absolutly shit faced, we had a 727 tee time the next morning. we showed up and played our round. (i actually was playing pretty well, until the "incident")

this one hole had about an elevated tee (about 80 yards). when we drove the cart down the hill, my buddy thought it would be funny if we slammed in the brakes and turned the wheel so that we could do donuts all the way down the hill....

that is NOT what happend. we rolled the cart, bent the fuck out of the support beams for the roof, and put a huge hole in the roof! we go out, and got all McGiver, since the support beams were bent, we wiggled them back and forth so they would break, we then carried the roof and beams about 200 yards in the woods and left it there. when we got back to the club house, we parked the cart as far away as possible and left very quitely and quickly.

still haven't been back to that course

 

[Ghost Recon]

Last summer I was playing in a 4 man scramble at a local goat ranch here in Mt. Vernon. On one of the par 3's they had a double your money deal if you hit the circle outlined on the green. The chick that was running this operation was kinda hot with big tit's so we said hey 20 bones to see your tits and she said sure. I put down $20 hit the green got $40 back and got a free tit flash.

 

[Buck Nasty]

Here is a golf story that did not happen while playing golf. I was living in a two story apartment with one of my buddies off Bethel Rd. One night while watching our favorite show at the time, Alf, I decided I was going to take a few practice swings with my 7 iron in the living room. Being the broke ass I was at the time, my grips were almost completely worn down. Not thinking about putting a glove on in the house I took a couple easy swings, and then I took a full swing. Needless to say the club flew out of my hand and right through the ceiling leaving about a 4 inch gash. My roomate was on the floor laughing his ass off, and I was too.

Bob Vila Story- The rest of the story should go into the Bob Vila thread as a classic. When it came time to move out I was not sure what to do about the hole in the ceiling, but I knew we would lose our deposit if I didn't fix it. It was much too big to just put spackle into it. So, I taped over the whole with clear shipping tape, and then took a tube of Ultra Bright white toothpaste and covered the tape. It then took the tube of paste and dabbed it on the ceiling to make the little stipple marks on the ceiling so it would blend in. It was a work of art, my roomate could barely even tell where the hole was when he got home.

 

[NightmaresDad]

Ah, High School.....
High school golf qualifying, this one kid was beyond terrible. He only played one round of the qualifying and then gave it up. First round he shoots 136. Turns in his card, the coach is looking at it in wonder. the kid says "I never play well on a strange course"
Same kid, hits about a 20 yard tee shot on a par five, pulls out a club, whiffs 3 times, looks at which club he is using, and says "No wonder!" then pulls out a different club. Then whiffs again!

We were playing a match one year, and all standing behind the green of a par 3 where the reserve team was finishing their round. Our home course has an almost identical par 3 on it - over a ravine and about 110 yards. Well, one guy on our reserve team gets up and hits, and we're all waiting to see where the ball is going to land, and...nothing. Then we hear a splash! in the swimming pool about 60 yards behind us! Yes, he had flown the green by 60 yards! Well, when he finishes, the varsity coach is ready to rip him a new one, because he hates "dumb" mistakes. So he asks the kid, "What club did you hit there?" "4 iron" "Do you know how far this hole is?" "Yes, 110 yards" "Do you realize that this hole is exactly like our number 2 at home?" "Yeah" (now the coach has him right where he wants him) "What club do you normally hit on our number 2?" "4 iron" :ohwell: Coach was speechless.

In sectionals one year there was a kid paired with us who had no clue whatsoever -he was their number 1 player and I think he shot over 70 on each nine. Anyway, on the 9th hole, he hits a drive and the ball shatters into 2 pieces, split almost in half. He has no idea what to do, and asks me. I tell him with a perfectly straight face "You have to play the bigger half" He thinks this is totally unfair but then he starts to go off down the fairway, and I stop and tell him he gets to replay the shot. Think "Patrick" on the SpongeBob show.

There's a guy at work we call Aqua Man because he drove a cart into a lake.

My dad used to hit plastic balls in the living room into the curtains when he first started playing. After he took a big divot out of the carpet, this practice promptly ended.

I got my car stuck out on the driving range one time because I didn't want to get my golf shoes too wet picking up the balls. I hit a spot that was a Quagmire and had to get pulled out. think "Patrick" again, only way dumber.

On a real wet day in HS, my friend and I had a "divot fight" one time, which was real fun until we saw how much damage we had done.

 

[Wingate1217]

Back in High School we were playing a school in our area on their course. I had just made the varsity team and was playing in my first "real match." In those days you went out as a foursome (two of theirs and two of yours). Well I was paired against this huge guy named "Randy". Randy was 6' 7" tall and about 250lbs and he just looked mean. The guys on my team warned me that this guys was a "loose cannon" and had a temper to match and to watch what I said around the guy. Well I meet this guy and his teammate on the first tee and try to strike up a little conversation. To my surprise Randy is pleasant and somewhat engaging. Well, we play the front side and Randy has me down by a couple of strokes and during the whole time Randy has been joking and having a good time. We start playing the backside and I am just begginning to believe my teammates have been putting me on. I remark to me teammate and to Randy's teammate regarding that fact that Randy has been just great to play with. My teammate tells me that just last year he watched Randy wrap three clubs around a tree a threaten to bodily harm every living thing within earshot. Randy's teammate remarks to me that Randy has been to a counselor and has been a new man this year.

We get to the 16th tee and I have been chipping away at Randy's lead since the 13th and we are now tied. Randy has become suddenly quiet, but I attribute that to our match now being tied.

Sixteen is a par five that has a pond off to the right of the tee about 30 yards. It is no way in play. Well I hammer my drive straight down the middle about 275 yards off the tee. Randy steps to the tee and he looks to want to rip the cover off the ball when he hits it. Remember this is 1977 and drivers are still made of wood. Randy hits the ball on the hosel and the ball lands right in the water. Steam is starting to come out his ears and he begins to mutter to himself but to his credit he walks to his bag and retrieves another ball. He promptly hits his next shot and if you did not know better It is a replay of the first. Now all pretext of control is gone. He throws the club in the water and says something "like drown there like the balls you bastard." The club initially slips below the surface but after a second or two it comes to the surface and bobs up and down. Nobody in our group dares to say a thing and I am dying to burst out laughing. Randy is not done as he becomes angrier and angrier as the club continues to bob up and down. He begins throwing rocks at it (ya like that is going to sink it), and when that doesn't work he takes out an iron and pitches that at it. Now he just realizes that not only is the offending club still alive bobbing up and down, but he just lost his 7-iron. He now starts wading into the pond with the intent to break the club into two and retrieve his 7-iron. I believe he thinks the pond is only a foot or two deep ( I don't know why since his club is at least 4 ft long and is bobbing up and down) and he continues his descent into the pond. The pond must have had a false shoreline as with his next step he slips and falls and vanishes below the surface. He immediately pops up and the water is up to his neck. Well that was it as all three of us fall on the ground and bust up laughing. My partner and I are just about to take off running for our lives when the golf coaches for both schools pull up in a golf cart. To this day I believed that saved our lives. It was decided by both coaches that Randy would forfeit his match and "retire" to the clubhouse.

I forgot about the incident until one day I was working between my freshman and sophomore year during the summer at the factory my mother worked at. I was asked one day to see the supervisor at the "brooches" for my marching orders that day. Yes you guessed Randy was the supervisor. I almost died right there with dread, but Randy must not have remembered me and the summer passed without incident.

 

[Jaxbuck]

A former boss of mine was the type who had a million dollar set up for a .05 cent game, I mean all the good gear.

Anyways, true story, he gets this $400 fucking laser range finder one day and is just using the shit out of it on every hole figuring out how far it was when he couldn't hit a clean shot with a boat oar. Well about 5 or 6 he puts one in a fairway bunker off the tee and spends the next 15 fucking minutes trying to see how far it is to the green. I mean he's got the entire 4-some taking turns looking through this thing to get the right distance for a 250+ shot that he couldn't make if his life depended on it. Well after determining it was 248 and a half not 250 he promptly duffs one about 3 yards out of the bunker.

At this point considering he was my boss, I'm just absolutely busting a nut trying not to laugh but then the crazy fucker walks up to the ball, breaks out the range finder and starts it all over again!! Its 3 fucking yards closer than the last time he looks and still 240+ out!!

Needless to say I just couldn't hold it anymore and laughed my ass off at him. He didn't like it much but when the whole crew was laughing he couldn't get pissed at just me.

 

[NightmaresDad]

A former boss of mine was the type who had a million dollar set up for a .05 cent game, I mean all the good gear.

Anyways, true story, he gets this $400 fucking laser range finder one day and is just using the shit out of it on every hole figuring out how far it was when he couldn't hit a clean shot with a boat oar. Well about 5 or 6 he puts one in a fairway bunker off the tee and spends the next 15 fucking minutes trying to see how far it is to the green. I mean he's got the entire 4-some taking turns looking through this thing to get the right distance for a 250+ shot that he couldn't make if his life depended on it. Well after determining it was 248 and a half not 250 he promptly duffs one about 3 yards out of the bunker.

At this point considering he was my boss, I'm just absolutely busting a nut trying not to laugh but then the crazy fucker walks up to the ball, breaks out the range finder and starts it all over again!! Its 3 fucking yards closer than the last time he looks and still 240+ out!!

Needless to say I just couldn't hold it anymore and laughed my ass off at him. He didn't like it much but when the whole crew was laughing he couldn't get pissed at just me.

Too bad he was your boss, or you could have ripped it from around his neck and smashed it into pieces with a sand wedge. The calmly hand them back to himand say - "I think it says this shot is out of your range"
That would make a great scene for a movie, BTW.

 

[Golferdow01]

I hit a spot that was a Quagmire and had to get pulled out.

 

[NJ-Buckeye]

Story 1
A fella in my foursome was on the tee... he was in his downswing when we heard "FORE"... he proceeded to finish his swing and hit an awesome drive.. right down the middle...

We all semi-ducked when we heard "FORE" but yet still watched his drive... then looked down and his ball was still on the tee... he had hit the incoming ball from the next fairway !!!
=========
Story 2
I'm in college but still caddying... had wild sex in the bunker on the 16th hole.. next morning I'm the second group off... get to the 16th green and her panties (that we left in the bunker) are hanging on the pin
=========
Story 3
My father-in-law is a scratch golfer.. has been his whole life.. dad&mom-in-law finally ask both sons-in-laws to play with them... my bro-in-law had never played with father-in-law... he's scared because he's not very good yet... bro-in-law is 6'6" .. we're on vacation... top shelf course.. first tee... bro-in-law winds up... hammers his tee... and it's out there.. big.. but this sucker is bending... and keeps bending... finally lands in the second floor balcony of the condos on the right... banging around like a pinball on the railing and sliding glass door... I'm dying but trying to hide it so my bro-in-law won't kill himself... I looked at parents-in-laws.. mouths are frozen wide open... the fear on their faces... priceless

 

[ScarletBlood31]

this wasnt exactly while i was playin golf, but involves a golf club.

i was hitting empty soda cans in my rec room when i was a kid (prob. 7 years old), and my cousin and sister came in the room with me. So, i go, check this out, and tell my sister to back up. I take a full swing, take a whack at the can, missed it, and hit my sister right in the forehead with the golf club. apparently she backed up right into a wall, and didnt have the common sense to move somewhere else (but who am i to talk common sense, swinging clubs in the house with cans). anyway, it was luckilly just a nick and needed stiches right about her eye on that bone. she was about 4 or 5 then and i was lucky all that happened.


another one, which was actually a week or 2 ago, was when i was out golfing with my 2 cousins. One of my cousins has his ball go in the rough, and me and my other cousin are sitting back about 15 yards behind and to the left. As he's setting up, i whiseper to my cousin, "watch that thing hit the tree and come right back at him." i didnt wanna say anything and mess it up or jinx it, cus you would figure he would be able to know if he could get it by or not. anyway, he takes a full swing back, and as hard as he can comes down and nails the tree right in front of him, bullets back right between our heads and back about 50 yards. talk about seeing your life flash before your, eyes, having a titleist come back 100 miles an hour by your head. we couldnt stop laughing, and then when he walked back to hit again, my cousin and i both dove the the ground (being the smartasses we were) and covered our heads.