Engagement rings (merged)

[BayBuck]

After doing the same kind of initial research on the qualities of diamonds, I went with the old 2-3 months-salary to set a budget (I imagine there's a reasonable cap to that 'rule' though, and big rocks can get gaudy pretty quick) and then found the most technically perfect stone I could afford in that range: I sacrificed just a bit in overall size but got one that sparkles like crazy and still makes my wife really happy to look at.

 

[wadc45]

Congrats NYB...I too will be looking for some advice on this topic. It's time Wade made an honest woman out of The Doctor's Daughter.

I've heard good things about Blue Niles as well.

Also, I had a buddy ask me yesterday about asking for a ring back. His ex wrote him a scathing email about the fact that he asked for the ring back (granted he didn't do it in a real classy way) and he was really [censored]ed about it. What's the protocol? And why would she even want to keep it?

 

[Buckeye513]

Really any info you can give me on the topic Id appreciate.

Don't.

 

[Gatorubet]

There are websites that strictly sell used wedding rings post-breakup or divorce. e-bay does as well. You can get a great ring for far less on the secondary market. Have it appraised before you buy - or arrange a sale to go through a legit local jeweler - sort of a post-appraisal C.O.D. - and either send it back or buy it after verifying it "4 C" status.

Few things in life are as more over-valued than a new wedding/engagement ring purchase. Besides, some of the antique rings are really unique and special. And whoever came up with that "3 months salary" guide to a wedding ring purchase had to be P.T. Barnum's offspring.

 

[Gatorubet]

Ok gents, I know I havent posted on this forum in quite a bit, but in any event I would like some opinions.

My question to you guys is this - how much do you guys think is a reasonable budget for an engagement ring? Im pretty conservative fiscally, but I know its a once in a lifetime kinda purchase.

Opinions vary.

 

[AKAK]

And whoever came up with that "3 months salary" guide to a wedding ring purchase had to be P.T. DeBeer's offspring.

Fify.

 

[BayBuck]

Also, I had a buddy ask me yesterday about asking for a ring back. His ex wrote him a scathing email about the fact that he asked for the ring back (granted he didn't do it in a real classy way) and he was really [censored]ed about it. What's the protocol? And why would she even want to keep it?

It's not a clear-cut issue, but it can depend on which partner breaks off the engagement: if a guy gives a girls a $10K ring and then changes his mind without a compelling reason, he might be out of luck. But it was a conditional gift, and if she accepts the marriage proposal with the ring and then bails, she's probably got to give the ring back.

 

[muffler dragon]

Congrats NYB...I too will be looking for some advice on this topic. It's time Wade made an honest woman out of The Doctor's Daughter.

Congrats.

I've heard good things about Blue Niles as well.

Also, I had a buddy ask me yesterday about asking for a ring back. His ex wrote him a scathing email about the fact that he asked for the ring back (granted he didn't do it in a real classy way) and he was really [censored]ed about it. What's the protocol? And why would she even want to keep it?

She wants to pawn the shit. Otherwise, her daughter wants it for play jewelry. Honestly, I can't think of one positive reason as to why she'd want to keep it, but that's her call.

 

[kn1f3party]

Also, I had a buddy ask me yesterday about asking for a ring back. His ex wrote him a scathing email about the fact that he asked for the ring back (granted he didn't do it in a real classy way) and he was really [censored]ed about it. What's the protocol? And why would she even want to keep it?

The protocol is they give it back if you don't get married. If they don't, you can ask. That kind of purchase is the beginning of possessions that belong to both parties. If she opts out of that contract, it should go to the purchaser.

And whoever came up with that "3 months salary" guide to a wedding ring purchase had to be P.T. Barnum's offspring.

This. I spent about 1 months salary and couldn't be happier. My wife adored her ring and still likes to show it off 4 years later. I think it is more about putting thought in to it and getting them something you feel they'd like or that would represent her interests and the way you feel about her. What to think of someone that bases that decision primarily on price?

 

[Gatorubet]

It's not a clear-cut issue, but it can depend on which partner breaks off the engagement: if a guy gives a girls a $10K ring and then changes his mind without a compelling reason, he might be out of luck. But it was a conditional gift, and if she accepts the marriage proposal with the ring and then bails, she's probably got to give the ring back.

Many courts look at an engagement ring as a conditional gift that is given in contemplation of marriage. If there is no marriage, then the engagement ring needs to be returned.

Iowa
Kansas
Michigan
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
Pennsylvania
Wisconsin​

The courts also have held in these states that the reasoning for no-fault divorces holds for no-fault broken engagements so an engagement ring should always be returned regardless of who decided to call off the engagement.

Implied Conditional States

In these locales, if the guy breaks the engagement, he won't get the ring back. If he doesn't break the engagement, he can request its return.

California​

Unconditional Gift States

Other courts have held the belief that an engagement ring is an unconditional gift and so it doesn't need to be given back.

Montana​

Family Heirloom Engagement Rings

If you are considering giving a family heirloom engagement ring, legal experts recommend having a prenuptial agreement that lists who will keep the engagement ring in the event of a break up.

NYB is in luck

 

[jwinslow]

Those who advise against marriage chose poorly.

After doing the same kind of initial research on the qualities of diamonds, I went with the old 2-3 months-salary to set a budget (I imagine there's a reasonable cap to that 'rule' though, and big rocks can get gaudy pretty quick) and then found the most technically perfect stone I could afford in that range: I sacrificed just a bit in overall size but got one that sparkles like crazy and still makes my wife really happy to look at.

Definitely agree here. Get the best stone you can afford. A slightly smaller perfect stone dwarfs a bigger decent stone.

I went with 2 months salary, but a third of that was because the wedding band had diamond baguettes. It would have been about 6 weeks if I opted for a standard metal wedding band.

It also depends on your cash flow. I was a college student with meager savings. Now as a photographer with mild savings, I would consider three.

I definitely would not feel obligated to spend more than one if the ring was great.

 

[Mac]

Mine was 2 months salary as well for a 1ct diamond. Just paid it off last month. 0% for 12 months. I got it just before Christmas so there were some nice deals going on.

From what I've heard, the trend is starting to lean towards 2 month salary

Opinions vary.

 

[jwinslow]

Congrats.



She wants to pawn the shit. Otherwise, her daughter wants it for play jewelry. Honestly, I can't think of one positive reason as to why she'd want to keep it, but that's her call.

I can think of plenty of negative and vindicative reasons though.

Unless the man bailed or cheated it is bush league to keep it.

It is not like keeping her half of a mortgage, car or other shared investment.

It is a conditional gift she did not buy. She would not be permitted to say no and then a to keep it anyway as a friend. Obviously I am speaking from etiquette not law.

 

[THEWOOD]

Best of luck, I hated going through the hassle of picking a stone. I read tons and tons of stuff online, analyzing everything. I would rather deal with car salesman, than jewelers.

First rule is to set a budget and go from there. Whatever it is big or small, having one, will greatly help narrow down your choices.
Once you get the number in your head, you need to decide where you want to splurge. Size? Color? Clarity? Cut?
Size and color are probably the most expensive. Rightfully so, an untrained eye will notice those characteristics. One trick for size, is to always go just under. For example: if you want a 2 carat ring, go with 1.97-1.99. You will be amazed at how much of a difference that will save you. And unless someone sees the cert, they will never know the difference. Color, I believe to be VERY important. You DO NOT want a yellow tinted diamond. I personally would not go below an F color grade.
Cut was another thing I weighed heavily. An ideal or excellent cut diamond will sparkle/shine much more than others. You do not buy a diamond for it to look dull. I also would stress you buy one with excellent symmetry and polish. With all 3 of those being excellent, it is called a Triple X or Triple 0(AGS Grade). I only was interested in diamonds of that status, because I placed "bling" at a high level.
Clarity is where I skimped for my money. I went down to a VS grade diamond. This means Very Small inclusions, unseen to the human eye. No one is going up to my wifes ring with a magnifying glass and looking for inclusions. This well help keep cost down, and allow for your budget to splurge on other items as listed above.

In the end all that really matters is will it make her happy? She is the one who will wear it everyday for the rest of her life. Best thing is to try and figure out what she wants in a diamond. Size? Sparkle? Flawless? Once you get that answer and set a budget you can decide what to weed out.

Disclaimer: All of my research was done about 3 years ago, searching for the perfect ROUND diamond.

If you have any questions let me know.

 

[MaliBuckeye]

My personal belief (engaged three times, married once... yeah, yeah, yeah) is that you should buy the stone separate from the setting.

A) that will allow you to be 100% sure of your diamond's quality (they can hide a lot in the band/setting)

2) it allows for her to chose the setting and design that she wants; particularly if she's interested in having a "set"

D) It also puts the money where it's most important, and you get a lot more bang for your buck.

We got my ring (titanium, so if there's a divorce I can make it into a fairway wood) at blue nile, but we bought the diamond/rings from an independent (not mall or national) jeweler.