Engagement rings (merged)

[AKAK]

My buddy did too. Then he found out the day after they got married that it was expected that she never work again once she got pregnant, that he was expected to place her on a pedestal as the mother of his child. He agreed that as the mother of his child she was special and deserved to be treated very well - but did not know that it meant her demanding that he give up everything he enjoyed to move up the money ladder. He did not know that the opinions of her family were worth more than his, or that she expected him never to work with an attractive female colleague - or to pay the price if he spent time away from home at work with a female co-worker.

She eventually left him and told him to get an even better job to support her. She was stunned to hear that the judge expected her to go to work, given her graduate degree, and that there would be no alimony. She now works and has a vastly diminished lifestyle.

There can be a downside to that whole Whore/Madonna Latin American cultural vibe.

But I'm sure that yours will be different.

Simmer down Hitler's Pool Man's buddy.

 

[Gatorubet]

I'm not seeing which part of this is uniquely South American. (no smiley)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marianismo

Never said unique bro. Stereotypes are what they are, but sometimes they not inaccurately reflect some cultural manifestation, given the obvious lack of uniqueness.

 

[jwinslow]

I don't suppose he was a Mississippi Republican...

 

[Gatorubet]

Simmer down Hitler's Pool Man's buddy.

Your words are hurtful.

 

[Gatorubet]

I don't suppose he was a Mississippi Republican...

Boston Yellow Dog Dem actually.

 

[Jake]

Ok gents, I know I havent posted on this forum in quite a bit, but in any event I would like some opinions.

NYB has finally decided to take the plunge and ask for my gf's hand. I just reserved a room in a fancy schamancy NY hotel and made a reservation at One If By Land. Date is gonna be in mid-Feb.

Last thing is the ring. Was just online learning about cut, color, etc. A bit overwhelming at first I suppose.

My question to you guys is this - how much do you guys think is a reasonable budget for an engagement ring? Im pretty conservative fiscally, but I know its a once in a lifetime kinda purchase.

Damn, why didn't anybody tell me that?

I've got a fantastic diamond sitting a safe deposit box, well over a carat, and could probably make you a nice deal. I don't intend to use it again.

 

[NewYorkBuck]

My buddy did too. Then he found out the day after they got married that it was expected that she never work again once she got pregnant, that he was expected to place her on a pedestal as the mother of his child. He agreed that as the mother of his child she was special and deserved to be treated very well - but did not know that it meant her demanding that he give up everything he enjoyed to move up the money ladder. He did not know that the opinions of her family were worth more than his, or that she expected him never to work with an attractive female colleague - or to pay the price if he spent time away from home at work with a female co-worker.

She eventually left him and told him to get an even better job to support her. She was stunned to hear that the judge expected her to go to work, given her graduate degree, and that there would be no alimony. She now works and has a vastly diminished lifestyle.

There can be a downside to that whole Whore/Madonna Latin American cultural vibe.

But I'm sure that yours will be different.

Gat - all I can tell you is what you write is diametrically opposed to what I see between her mother and father, as well as every cousin Ive ever met.

I didnt want go down this road, but since we're here.

She is Colombian - she was born there and moved here when she was 4. I cant tell you what a culture shock the first family party I went to was. The things that really stood out to me -

1 - Everyone speaks Spanish at these things. Everyone. Either learn it, or just get the table scraps that they translate for you.

2 - Everyone dances. Everyone. At any event - Christmas, New Years, birthdays, whatever. Until wee hours of the morning. Either learn how to salsa, or feel like the stupid gringo in the corner.

3 - Most people I know marry others close to their level of attractivness. 7's marry 7s. 5s marry 5s, and so on. Not so with the Colombians. Not even close. I have not idea why, nor do I really wish to know, but the women are SO much better looking than the men. Like not close. At these parties, you see these short, rotund balding dudes dancing w shapely Latinas in a tight black dresses and heels. Im talking the rule rather than the exception, and before you evem go there, we're not talking rich dudes here either. Dont know why it exists, but that it does I cannot deny.

4 - Talking all of the above in mind, the women will think its SO adorable when the gringo tries to dance an speak spanish. Which brings me to perhaps the most important lesson of all, at least to my gf. In Colombia, the national passtime is not soccer (football?). It is stealing men. The happier a woman is with a man, the more another woman will try to take him away. Family connections mean little, and friends mean less. All of the women are aware of this. There is no shame in it either - if a women is successful in doing it to a man she wants, she will feel proud that was able to take him away. This, IMO, is one of the reasons for the famous latina jealousy streak - they have it for very good reason, and my gf is no exception. She is the most passive non confrontational person I know - until it comes to this - and she will readily admit it. If she even sniffs another latina circling the waters around me, it generally will not turn out well. The idea driven home from a very young age is to take care of your man, or someone will do it for you......

Growing up where I did, I had absolutely no contact with Colombian culture. I have to admit, I quickly became fascinated by it, and am definitely welcoming it as a part of my life.

 

[Gatorubet]

He did not know...that she expected him never to work with an attractive female colleague - or to pay the price if he spent time away from home at work with a female co-worker.

Gat - all I can tell you is what you write is diametrically opposed to what I see between her mother and father, as well as every cousin Ive ever met.

In Colombia, the national passtime is not soccer (football?). It is stealing men. The happier a woman is with a man, the more another woman will try to take him away. Family connections mean little, and friends mean less. All of the women are aware of this. There is no shame in it either - if a women is successful in doing it to a man she wants, she will feel proud that was able to take him away. This, IMO, is one of the reasons for the famous latina jealousy streak - they have it for very good reason, and my gf is no exception.

One of your quotes is not like the other. But obviously, nothing I said was meant to mean that I do not think you will have a very happy life, or that I do not wish you all the best. :cheers:

 

[NewYorkBuck]

One of your quotes is not like the other. But obviously, nothing I said was meant to mean that I do not think you will have a very happy life, or that I do not wish you all the best. :cheers:

LOL - save that part! Guilty as charged. No excuses. In fact, the most ballistic Ive ever seen her was when I told her I was CONSIDERING interviewing a Colombian woman who submitted a resume for one of my client svc reps. Needless to say, I backed off that one.

But the stuff about having kids and putting her on a pedestal and the money stuff, no way. In fact, what Ive seen its the exact opposite. The males in Colombian culture are from birth so coddled that they expect everything to be done for them - throughout life. As my gf has said to me - "They feel they are kings and we are lucky to even be with them."

 

[buxfan4life]

She is Columbian? Yeah, don't piss her off.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaKG6_2mKWU"]Columbiana Movie Trailer - YouTube[/ame]

 

[BuckBackHome]

3 - Most people I know marry others close to their level of attractivness. 7's marry 7s. 5s marry 5s, and so on. Not so with the Colombians. Not even close. I have not idea why, nor do I really wish to know, but the women are SO much better looking than the men. Like not close. At these parties, you see these short, rotund balding dudes dancing w shapely Latinas in a tight black dresses and heels. Im talking the rule rather than the exception, and before you evem go there, we're not talking rich dudes here either. Dont know why it exists, but that it does I cannot deny.

I now picture NYB as Ziggy.

 

[LordJeffBuck]

My question to you guys is this - how much do you guys think is a reasonable budget for an engagement ring? Im pretty conservative fiscally, but I know its a once in a lifetime kinda purchase.

Most people are willing to blow 10-50K for a six-hour wedding, so I think that it's perfectly reasonable to spend that much on a ring that will last for ever and will likely hold its value pretty well.

Also, of the factors involved - which do you think is most important? Do you sacrifice color for size, clarity, etc? Or the other way around.

Most women care only about size. Most guys want quality at a value price. If your soon-to-be-fiancee is the typical woman, then find out the sizes of her friends'/sisters' rings, and make hers larger. If she's got rich friends, then you're in trouble.

Cut is the shape of the diamond. Let her choose the cut, as some women are very particular about the cut. My wife insisted on an emerald cut, but most women don't like emerald cut because they do not sparkle nearly as much as round or most other cuts.

Cut also refers to how well the shape of the particular diamond compares to a model cut. A lot of stones will be cut shallow to increase the area of the table (the top part of the stone). This makes the diamond appear larger, but lessens the lustre and sparkle of the stone.

After determining the right size and her preferred cut, then spend a few extra bucks to upgrade the color. Color variations, even slight ones, can be seen with the naked eye. "Colorless" diamonds (D,E,F color) are generally overboard, as "near colorless" diamonds (G,H,I,J) will still appear to be very clear. Anything below J will be noticeably yellow. I would not go below H color, but that is just my personal preference.

"Fancy" diamonds, like canary (bright yellow) or cognac (light brown), are an option. Again, some women won't like them at all, but if the woman wants to be a little bit different, then fancies are something you should look into. Also, you might consider a white diamond with side stones like sapphires or rubies.

Don't go crazy on clarity, as you will not be able to see most inclusions with the naked eye. Anything VS1-VS2 range will be perfectly fine.

If you buy a new ring, make sure to get a GIA certificate.

Some women love estate pieces, some women hate them. When it comes to diamond rings, they really don't make them like they used to. There are some amazing pieces from the 1920's-30's, and the prices are not out of line compared to new rings. However, you have to be careful with estate pieces - if you don't know what you are doing, you can get ripped off. If possible, take the estate ring to a reputable jeweler to have it graded and appraised.

Brand name - Tiffany, Graff, Bulgari, Van Cleef - will matter to some women; most won't care if it came from Zales as long as it looks good on her finger (i.e., is bigger than her best friend's). You will pay more at a premium jeweler, but you will get quality stones, and they will stand by their product.

Bottom line for me - any guy can go out and buy a 1.49 carat round stone in a platinum setting. If that's exactly what your fiancee wants, then fine, but the engagement ring is a chance to make a statement, so don't be afraid to do something a little bit different.

 

[Gatorubet]

LOL - save that part! Guilty as charged. No excuses. In fact, the most ballistic Ive ever seen her was when I told her I was CONSIDERING interviewing a Colombian woman who submitted a resume for one of my client svc reps. Needless to say, I backed off that one.

But the stuff about having kids and putting her on a pedestal and the money stuff, no way. In fact, what Ive seen its the exact opposite. The males in Colombian culture are from birth so coddled that they expect everything to be done for them - throughout life. As my gf has said to me - "They feel they are kings and we are lucky to even be with them."

Also, two routes: One, do a pre-nup. If you cannot do that, put a large amount of your assets in an irrevocable trust - for you and your kids - so that you do not have to do a pre-nup and get massacred.


Better yet, do not rely upon a Looziana guy who does not do family law, but get a really good opinion from a NY lawyer specializing in such things.

It is not "unromantic", it is not "sneaky", it is not "cheap". It is smart. Protect yourself. As you are in charge of your hard earned wealth, it is up to you to see that you keep it. Then - if something changes - you can have a clearer, easier, less stressful path ahead.

 

[Gatorubet]

She is Columbian? Yeah, don't [censored] her off.

Columbiana Movie Trailer - YouTube

Colombian. Just sayin'.

 

[sparcboxbuck]

Best of luck, I hated going through the hassle of picking a stone. I read tons and tons of stuff online, analyzing everything. I would rather deal with car salesman, than jewelers.

First rule is to set a budget and go from there. Whatever it is big or small, having one, will greatly help narrow down your choices.
Once you get the number in your head, you need to decide where you want to splurge. Size? Color? Clarity? Cut?
Size and color are probably the most expensive. Rightfully so, an untrained eye will notice those characteristics. One trick for size, is to always go just under. For example: if you want a 2 carat ring, go with 1.97-1.99. You will be amazed at how much of a difference that will save you. And unless someone sees the cert, they will never know the difference. Color, I believe to be VERY important. You DO NOT want a yellow tinted diamond. I personally would not go below an F color grade.
Cut was another thing I weighed heavily. An ideal or excellent cut diamond will sparkle/shine much more than others. You do not buy a diamond for it to look dull. I also would stress you buy one with excellent symmetry and polish. With all 3 of those being excellent, it is called a Triple X or Triple 0(AGS Grade). I only was interested in diamonds of that status, because I placed "bling" at a high level.
Clarity is where I skimped for my money. I went down to a VS grade diamond. This means Very Small inclusions, unseen to the human eye. No one is going up to my wifes ring with a magnifying glass and looking for inclusions. This well help keep cost down, and allow for your budget to splurge on other items as listed above.

In the end all that really matters is will it make her happy? She is the one who will wear it everyday for the rest of her life. Best thing is to try and figure out what she wants in a diamond. Size? Sparkle? Flawless? Once you get that answer and set a budget you can decide what to weed out.

Disclaimer: All of my research was done about 3 years ago, searching for the perfect ROUND diamond.

If you have any questions let me know.

Agreed with everything Wood wrote. I will say I've seen a 1.25 SI2 F that was perfectly cut look better than comps that were less included or less colored. Cut is something that a LOT of people overlook. Don't.

For my money, size, cut and color are tops then clarity (within reason).

One last thing I will add, my wife's ring was originally white gold. After about ten years she had it redone in Palladium so she didn't have to have it polished every year.