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Do you fart

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me and the boys generally see farts as badges of honor... the women never fart... but the dogs are the silent but deadlies...

In public, I will use farts strategically... if I don't like someone, I'll slide in the vicinity, set the SMART FART system to on... release the silent payload... and head for safer ground...

BN27... that story was hilarious... and I can relate...

The funniest and most embarrassing was at the gym... in there with my college son... we're doing situps... all the stunners are in there too... and in the start of the crunch... there it goes... way too much volume...
 
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scUM Buster said:
I am guessing that this is the same as a "butter cup"
Never used on wife, but son gets 'em on a regular basis.
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I don't know what a "butter cup" is but a dutch oven would be while lying in bed you feel one coming on...


Pull the covers over her head and let'er rip :wink:
 
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gregorylee said:
I don't know what a "butter cup" is but a dutch oven would be while lying in bed you feel one coming on...


Pull the covers over her head and let'er rip :wink:
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Oh....well then let me educate you on my friend, the butter cup.
Step 1: When you feel one brewing, reach around with your dominant hand and cup it tightly over your asshole.
Step 2: Let it blow...you'll feel your hand fill with the warm gasses.
Step 3: Rapidly move your cupped hand from your ass to your son's nose and mouth region (much like an oxygen mask would be placed on the face) and hold tightly for about 10 seconds.

Kids just love it!
 
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I use mine to my advantage. If I get stuck shopping with the wife and she is taking her time I'll let one go and tell her that it's time to go... :lol: I ususally give her a warning but she ignores it.
 
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Growing up I was a burping maniac but NEVER got the go ahead on the farting from Mom. SO....

1. NO...I would NEVER unleash what is in my wicked stomach on a human being I actually care for. Especially of late...the toxic gas that comes with this high protein diet has me at times so worried that I'm changing my pants before a date/dinner because of potential residue. Heck...it's getting so bad that I'll barely fart sitting still anywhere. Even outside walking the dogs, I 'll make sure I'm in motion. SO this is a DEFINITE no-no. I TOO have weathered some wicked stomach aches just so I wouldn't release in front of a girl. This is rule #1 in my dating life (since I'm not married yet). No farting in front of the lady. I am a bit old-fashioned when it comes to treating a lady anyhow.

2. Absolutely not. I had a girlfriend once who let the occasional one slide and I would be like...you're so dang pretty and you have to unleash your bowel airs on me? Burping I can handle all day...but the farting, I do not want that.


On a lovely side note, we have in my family what is called a redeye. It is nothing more than one of us guys basically sitting on on another's face and letting one go. It is MEAN, NASTY & Hilarious. Basically don't be the first one to pass out or it's going to be a raunchy night.

Highlight of the year: My stepdad the redneck laughs it up and farts all the time trying to be cute. One day at work last year he's running into this other guy's zone and ripping'em and running...on one of his cutsie gas fart-bys, he literally craps his pants. I guess he had some bad lunch and got some sweet 'rhea due to it. Needless to say he tossed his drawers at work and came home the rest of the day. I still crack on him for it.
 
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LoKyBuckeye said:
I use mine to my advantage. If I get stuck shopping with the wife and she is taking her time I'll let one go and tell her that it's time to go... :lol: I ususally give her a warning but she ignores it.
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Good idea. Especially if you go out to dinner on a Friday or Saturday and she decides that she wants to stop at the mall "really quick". After a big meal is when I struggle to hold it in, thats about it really.

I do occasionally slip up in front of my wife, but most of the time it isn't intentionally, and I will never do it with her right beside me. Actually she will laugh sometimes if I blame it on the dog.

As for her.......no. She isn't into it, and neither am I. Something about a hot chick farting (ala Jessica Simpson) is a total turnoff which takes a long time to reverse.

Quick show of hands, how many have been stuck trying to hold it in when they are working out at the gym. Whenever I get the urge a hot girl is usually working out right next to me........
 
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When a guys gotta fart, he's gotta fart. Hell yes, I fart in front of the wife. I'm no longer trying to convince her that I have no flatulance or other social blemishes... Nope. Not me. No sir.

It's not that I'm an opportunist, but I don't shy away from letting a proud sounding biff in to the nights air.

Of course, she can't retaliate, because I can't smell very well. I can smell things like amonia, but only for a second or two. Because of this inability, a lot less things seem wrong with my car - if I turn the radio up, even less things wrong with it.
 
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Cornerback6 said:
Highlight of the year: My stepdad the redneck laughs it up and farts all the time trying to be cute. One day at work last year he's running into this other guy's zone and ripping'em and running...on one of his cutsie gas fart-bys, he literally craps his pants.
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Gotta love a good shart story!!

On a side note, a good piece of advice to all of you, if you can, always keep a spare set of clothes at work in case you ever shit your pants or spill something all over you.

Can save you a lot of experience and uncomfortable explaining.
 
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On a side note, a good piece of advice to all of you, if you can, always keep a spare set of clothes at work in case you ever shit your pants or spill something all over you.

Can save you a lot of experience and uncomfortable explaining.
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Is this one of life's lessons that you have learned first hand? We may have to change your name to Dump :biggrin:.
 
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