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Crop dusting

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reagdog;1462553; said:
Sounds like someone has some blockage! Try this:

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Bachelor party

One of my buddies is getting married so we had a bachelor party for him this past Saturday night. Went to two different strip clubs and I crop dusted both establishments all night long. I had some serious beer farts and would crop dust my buddies while they were getting lap dances. It was awesome - not so much for them, but for me. Luckily I didn't have to fart when I was getting my lap dances and no one returned a dusting favor to me, which was nice.
 
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reagdog;1841407; said:
Cheesey potatoes = Great crop dusting ammunition

Christmas Day was a crop dusting playground.

My Family = not amused
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I had some bombs as well...I actually cleared the dinner table after I let one go. The family wasn't too happy with that one.
 
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Buckeye513;1841409; said:
How the fuck are you married?
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Funny thing is I've always farted a ton all my life, but never farted around girls / girlfriends - until I met my wife.

I didn't fart in front of her until our 3rd or 4th year in our relationship so she had no idea what she was in for. Once I let the first one fly in front of her, I never held back again. But it was too late for her because she was already deeply in love with a gas producing machine. She learned to live with it. She thinks 90% of them are funny, until I drop a really stinky one and then she gets pissed.

My mom gave me a button that you pin on your shirt when I was like 12 years old that said "How do I spell relief? F-A-R-T" Of course I wore it to school proudly.
 
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reagdog;1841493; said:
Funny thing is I've always farted a ton all my life, but never farted around girls / girlfriends - until I met my wife.

I didn't fart in front of her until our 3rd or 4th year in our relationship so she had no idea what she was in for. Once I let the first one fly in front of her, I never held back again. But it was too late for her because she was already deeply in love with a gas producing machine. She learned to live with it. She thinks 90% of them are funny, until I drop a really stinky one and then she gets pissed.

My mom gave me a button that you pin on your shirt when I was like 12 years old that said "How do I spell relief? F-A-R-T" Of course I wore it to school proudly.
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I've got the same problem. I've got some bass that's for sure. I've always farted, but with my current girlfriend, I held it for the first 3 months. (everytime I was with her prior I felt like I was going to explode) After that though, it was fair game. Like you, if they don't stink she doesn't care. But when I do happen to have one of those rancid ones, oh boy.
 
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I wouldn't call myself a crop duster as I'd be embarrassed to fart in public but I do have a gasy Christmas story.
After having a dinner that consisted of brussels sprouts au gratin, scalloped potatoes with 3 cheese and pecan pie I got a call from a female acquaintance that needed a 30 mile ride plus a return trip. Upon getting into my car the gas started. I rolled my windows down and tried to pump them all out before arriving at her house to no avail. The whole thirty miles I droved with cheeks clenched tightly trying not to spoil the ride. When we arrived at her destination I waited outside, outside the car I should say, and tried to squeeze them all out before she returned. Not a chance, I was only getting started. To make matters worse she gave me a tamale that she'd been given which only made it worse. I once again kept them clenched until I dropped her off. Once she was out of the car I was like a one man campfire scene from Blazing Saddles.
 
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reagdog;1841493; said:
Funny thing is I've always farted a ton all my life, but never farted around girls / girlfriends - until I met my wife.

I didn't fart in front of her until our 3rd or 4th year in our relationship so she had no idea what she was in for. Once I let the first one fly in front of her, I never held back again. But it was too late for her because she was already deeply in love with a gas producing machine. She learned to live with it. She thinks 90% of them are funny, until I drop a really stinky one and then she gets [censored]ed.

My mom gave me a button that you pin on your shirt when I was like 12 years old that said "How do I spell relief? F-A-R-T" Of course I wore it to school proudly.
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Farts/poop are always funny.
 
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