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College Football Right Meow: Week 7

Hey all, I'm back. Sorry about last week - I was out of town and left this column to Poobert while I attended to some important business in Las Vegas. As he mentioned, while I was there I put some real money on some of last weeks key games in lieu of doing our normal picks. Poobert said we'd find out who the real Fuck Face is. It turns out, it's both of us. In the grand Vegas tradition, we lost our asses. Poobert only won one of his five bets. I only won two.

The best thing we can do about is change the subject and never speak of that shameful performance again. So, let's talk about rivalries instead. It seems to be an appropriate topic now that Ohio State's rival has re-discovered football and is beginning to run their mouths a bit.

Poobert's rival is Maya. She is the other cat in our household. She is smart, but aloof. She is leery of outsiders. My wife adopted Maya a few years before we met, which means that when Poobert showed up she was bigger, older and in charge. She intimidated Poobert for a while. Eventually though, he established himself in our house and turned the tables on her. He began to chase her, antagonize her, and beat her up. To this day, she can barely get around the house without him following her around and reminding her that he can whoop her ass.

You may be thinking that the dynamics of that rivalry sound familiar. You're wrong. I am definitely not comparing Maya to M*ch*g*n. Nope. No way. My wife reads this, and I'd get in trouble for doing something like that.

Picture 208.jpg
Maya is definitely not the M*ch*g*n of Cats.

I'd better change the subject again before I find myself in the doghouse. This week's picks:

Gamejlb1705Poobert
Cincinnati (+7.0) at BYU
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Iowa (-2.5) at Northwestern
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Mississippi (-10.5) at Memphis
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M*ch*g*n State (+8,5) at M*ch*g*n
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Alabama (-4.0) at Texas A&M
7cQTxqE.png
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Florida (+9.5) at LSU
RMbLOZv.png
2kkUOEJ.png
USC (+6.5) at Notre Dame
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Arizona State (+6.5) at Utah
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Oregon (+2.0) at Washington
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Penn State (+17.0) at Ohio State
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Cincinnati (+7.0) at BYU
BNtkShk.png
67ReJ6B.png

Iowa (-2.5) at Northwestern
h43Obyt.png
GKzS4pC.png

Mississippi (-10.5) at Memphis
J7sfLsC.png
J7sfLsC.png

M*ch*g*n State (+8,5) at M*ch*g*n
pfsIpQH.png
tEsk4Hh.png

Alabama (-4.0) at Texas A&M
7cQTxqE.png
7cQTxqE.png

Florida (+9.5) at LSU
RMbLOZv.png
2kkUOEJ.png

USC (+6.5) at Notre Dame
wNoPr2b.png
wNoPr2b.png

Arizona State (+6.5) at Utah
8Kj1DLu.png
8Kj1DLu.png

Oregon (+2.0) at Washington
FUJP6U1.png
FUJP6U1.png

Penn State (+17.0) at Ohio State
JnURX8C.png
JnURX8C.png


Hey, Fat Boy, push the tuna can this way. I took nine outa ten last week, blowed yo ass away. Maybe you get lucky this week. Shit do happen. But maybe not. Fact is y'all down 4 big ones to me as the party begins.

1. I see Poo head jumping on the Bearcats - against the Mormons close to the Temple. Ain't gonna happen. Pumas all over it.
2. If Michigan can beat the wildkitties by 38 - zip, COY can spoil their homecoming. Hawkeyes.
3. Ol' Piss and vinegar driving the 60 miles north and crossin' Big Muddy to pound some Memphis tiger ass. Fo sho.
4. Is Michigan for real 'cause they beat Northwestern? No.
Take Sparty.
5. Tide rollin' back in to College Station. Hope the gumps stay off the Quad grass. Johnny Foo'ball gone. Tide.
6. If this game was in Gainsville, which it ain't, I'd like the Gators. But I think the boys from Red Stick gonna take this one.
7. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk. In this case it's Sark. Gotta go with the Irish... I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
8. These two Utes lookin' to me like the only legit team on the left coast. Utah.
9. Oregon at U Wash. Ummmmm. Toughie. I'm taking the bowsers over the limp ducks.
10. Buckeyes in a tough one. Not gonna be over till the 4th quarter.

Now then, Poo Head, you gonna Pay Pal them Kibbles, or do I have to send over Max, my Maine Coon Cat buddy?

That's it from the Omniscient See of Oscar.
 

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