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They do in Cincinnati. They sure as hell aren't handing any out in October.

I'll give you a hint...

Sup motherfuckers! Mr. God damn Red up in this bitch! Someone say 4-2? You're god damn right! World Series bound, assholes! Suck on this 40 oz. Louisville slugger dizick you shitty Phillies and Cardinals. Who's next?!

Insignificant? Your boy Thom comes to our games and leaves you at the old folks home. How's that for insignificant? You're only a hall of famer because you belong in a museum. Your phone has a cord! Sorry to bring you out from under your afghan blanket. I'll let you get back to your M*A*S*H reruns.

Whoopsie! Looks like I "Hoovered" that one. I hope @Marty Brennaman doesn't see this. I represent this franchise and surely don't want to bring it shame via my fat fingered grammatical errors. Official public apology will come later.

When I think of 5-1 homestands, I get wood...

Good night, Pittsburgh. Sail your wooden ship back home safely! Jolly Roger at half mast, of course.

Raise it!

Oh. Mr. Brennaman...nice to see you. I, uh, didn't think you knew how to use the internet. Just rallying the troops for this magnificent Reds baseball season. I AM the mascot of this franchise, you're just the older, more wrinkly face of the franchise.

So you're a switch hitter, huh? Guys and gals? It's gonna take a lot more than some Hoovering to keep Mr Red down. I was at the game (obviously.) The Pirates just about got beat by the bottom dwelling team of last year and it took them a late grand slam to win by a run. The Reds aren't going...

@Pirate Parrot

We're gonna start that party early. Keep dreamin'. I've seen some of the "birds" you've been nailing. Let's just say a picture is worth a thousand squawks... This your old lady??? Yikes! You slumming around with this dirtbag? Gross. Laying with losers? Have ye no dignity? Respect...

I can see where the confusion comes from, but Votto isn't a pirate, he's just Canadian. No worries though, Mr Red don't fuck around. Me and my boy Gapper rounded them up and sent that fruity @Pirate Parrot out to sea.

That's them. What a bunch of Nancys. 7:05 can't come soon enough.

I think can see some stupid ancient wooden ship flying some flag called a jolly roger? It's coming up the Ohio river and looks pretty gay....NTTAWWT. Looks like a group of Jerry Seinfelds? Ohhh. It's the Pittsburgh Pirates. Makes sense...

I'd like to see them try to come in my hood and disrespect. Me an' my crew's gon' handle 'em. Skyline Posse bitches.

Heads up, Philly! Baseball season has started. Sincerely,

Grrrrrrraaannnnd...Suuaaaaarrrrrezzzzz!

Jay Bruuuuuuce doing what Jay Bruce doooo!