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Being the biggest horse's ass was quite enough already, James.

Shouldn't you be out hand cuffing yourself to a fence, somewhere? Begone, interloper!

I always loved talkies, especially the foolish actors who lost their ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality. *sigh* To say this Presidents' Day has been the worst disappointment since Gracie's headache Saturday night would be a tremendous understatement.

Well, I see the wannabes and never weres are here but so far I'm the only real President to appear on our day. Let me guess, Chet is sleeping off his latest weekend bender, Jefferson is deciding which slave he wants to bang today, and Carter is most likely just doing something stupid.

Mormons are nothing compared to the meddling micromanagers who think they can create utopia through government intervention. $14 trillion later how is that working? It makes me glad I'm dead. I'll take some clown who believes in Joseph Smith any day so long as they leave the economy alone...

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to the greatest president ever, happy birthday to me. Now, where the hell are my presents?

Well, well, if it isn't the poster boys for Prohibition. No wonder Sherman never saw the White House, but I would like to expect more from you, Grant. Apparently, you've spent too much time with Chet and his crew.

Ahem...and Coolidge. Frankly Sam, I'm not sure why you care? It's not as if George and Abe can overturn your past failure and make you part of the club.

I think the term in that case is actually carpet muncher, Aaron. Regardless, as the hours count down to our big day tomorrow I suspect the party has already begun over at Chet's place. No doubt Jefferson is knee deep in slave girls whilst I sit here watching dear Gracie knit me another...

This from a man who only ever hit bongs and buffet lines. Have another donut, Chet.

Franklin Roosevelt 9%? That crazy cripple destroyed everything I accomplished and I didn't even make the list! I guess I needed to get shot in office like Kennedy, Reagan and Lincoln.

12 of 15, but the 3 I missed were silly, irrelevant questions. Who gives a damn which one of us had a musket ball in our shoulder? And I certainly wouldn't brag about being born in a log cabin - what in the world were the voters thinking? I still can't believe that fat bastard Taft lived more...

Let's leave that fucking stoner Chet Arthur out of this discussion, please. I was quite proficient hitting the old peach basket back in the day and I must say this 4 corners play is one of the most absurd ideas I've seen, second to Woodrow Wilson being President of course.

This from a man who never was President, crashing the former President's thread? One of us belongs here, Sam, and it's not you. Speaking of whores where the hell is Miss Lewinsky? Dear Gracie has many talents but polishing the knob isn't one of them.

I would like to thank all of you for the warm birthday wishes as I turned 138 years old today. Unfortunately, I can't thank any of you worthless bastards since none of you sent me any such wishes. Thankfully, Coca Cola is still kicking it in my day.

None, General, although I supposed I could have initiated a scorched earth campaign on Nebraska just for shits and giggles. I take exception with any non-President coming here and questioning those of us who actually were Presidents. You're no better than wannabes like Dewey, Gore and Tilden...

From one Massachusian to another, take her up on it, Mitt. This fine lass could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

I was Commander-in-Chief of all armed forces, General. You lose.

Pardon me, President Bill Sherman of the St. Louis Railroad, but this thread is for real Presidents. And don't get me started on that so-called institution of higher learning you ran in Louisiana.

It truly is a shame we don't tar and feather anymore. Is that you in the skirt, Burr?