9 Uses For A Dead Hooker ? Shoutwire.com
1. A Battle Ram
Is your horde just not big enough to take down the castle doors? Worry not, young adventurers; this is where those hookers you killed in the last town back will come in handy. Imagine your enemies surprise when they witness you standing triumphant at their broken doors with a dead hooker in your hands. There is no answer for an attack such as that.
2. A Cat Scratch Post
What better way to show your cat how much you care than by getting it a dead hooker scratching post? Cats just love the tuna smell and can chase mice in and out of the orifices for hours on end. Remember, cats like an unshaved muff so it?s better to go shopping for these in the poorer sections of town.
3. Seasonal Decoration
Get in the festive holiday spirit by decorating your dead hooker with shiny lights and tinsel. Dress her up like the baby Jesus and put her in your front yard nativity scene for all to enjoy. Don?t forget, most cities offer a free dead hooker pick up service after the holidays. Call your local mayors office for details.
4. Scarecrow
Are you having trouble with birds eating all the vegetables from your garden? Simply strap a dead hooker to a pole and watch your problems literally fly away. Find one without makeup for the full effect. Soil fertilization is an unexpected bonus.
5. Bong
You can make a bong out of anything. Dead hookers are no exception.
6. A USB Feature
Most hookers that were built after 98 have a hidden USB connector port in their asses. Windows XP offers the dead hooker drivers for download on their website. Sorry Mac users, your gay ass OSX is currently not compatible with any of the hooker?s electronic functions.
7. Aluminum Can Crusher
Do massive amounts of soda cans pile up near your computer desk? Mount a dead hooker on the wall next to your printer stand and watch those cans disappear. Special lever arm to jaw action makes for quick and easy disposal of those unsightly empty soda cans.
8. Incense Holder
This is a sick fucking article. I refuse to explain how to use a dead hooker as an incense holder. It is pretty self explanatory. Now that I think about it, this is probably not the best way to use my writing skills.
9. Last Minute Date
Need a last minute date for prom or your office New Year's party? Dead hookers are the way to go. They have become quite stylish as of late in clubs and at sporting events all over the world. Cosmopolitan magazine did a feature on them for their end of the year fashion report. Like rappers in courtrooms, they are said to be showing up on the scene everywhere.
