Hey, you got a bottom-tier program in a market where you don't get no attention, Clarett is your guy.
He slices. He dices. And it's not only that, there's more. Waste a good draft choice on this fixer-upper and choose these high performance extras absolutely free. You'll get an inexhaustible supply of free psycho-babble, enough self-absorption to mop up the most difficult to remove team unity and an instant cancer that draws lots of media attention as fans all look in to see if the program can survive. You may even get Johnny Cochran free when it all goes down in the end.
Now tell me, who can resist that kind of allure? Why would you be willing to spend your draft choices anywhere else?
Order now and we'll throw in lots of free media attention from ESPiN and dedicated coverage from that soon-to-be Pulitzer-Prize winner, Tom Friend. And, don't forget, Johnny Cochran is always just a phone call away.
Yep, folks, I'm telling ya, "where's the money, Mommy?" may well be the number one draft pick this year. He's got it all.