Where do I go from here? (Bathroom thread)

[kinch]

Okay, so I have some rare middle-of-the-night-time and I remembered starting to write, some time ago, a thread on BP about the bathroom. I found this in a word document:

Bathroom issues/trauma

I recently experienced a few things in the bathroom that left me unsure, sad, and bewildered. Separately. I don't know to whom I should turn in order to share these experiences, from whom I want advice, and whose lives I want to enrich, but somehow I found myself here, a previously accepting place for all my poo-related confessions and testimonials.

1. Boxer-brief mechanics

I start with a question: How do I use boxer-briefs? I wore some to the office on a casual day with some old jeans that I found and which happened to fit me. They are from the low rise phase so they present issues that seem to call for boxer-briefs. Everything was fine and then I went to the restroom. I used a urinal. The briefs have no opening for me. I figured that hiking up the leg of the briefs was the way to go, as I didn't want my pants on the floor standing at a urinal, and I did my business fairly comfortably given the positioning of. . . things. The end of the experience, again given various yoga contortions required for my evacuation, was a mix of maneuvers intended to ensure no unpleasantness (moisture?) of the thigh going forward. All went well enough.

The next time I had to visit Mr. Minty

2. A beautiful thing

3. My life forever changed

Yes, my bathroom experiences were enough to require a word document before posting. I was probably delirious with baby-won't-let-me-sleep thinking, and here it is. I know the end of my first bullet point. I know the amazement of point 2. I just have no idea what "3. My life forever changed" refers to. I don't feel changed. It must have been important. What was what? What could have happened in the bathroom at work?

I will give the exciting end to number 1, which really was a cry for help. It was a question about how the average male deals with these brief things. In the midst of my contortions and craziness at how to properly reconcile the need to evacuate every bit but yet use a urinal with boxer briefs a guy walked in and witnessed my strange Hawaiian dance. I found myself finished, and pleased, and staring at what looked to be a very frightened person. He was staring at me like I was an alien come to conquer his peaceful world, or at least to offend all that was sensible about it. I gave my best nonchalant "you would do this too" face and left. I still feel I don't understand how to handle the issue well, but this certainly troubled me at the time. I'm looking forward to the time we pass again. I intend to look into his eyes just a little too long. I want that "I've come for your children too" look. Then I'll casually walk by, but he'll know. I was the guy.

But still, something changed my world. What. WHAT!?!? I am fighting to remember. It must be important and of course everyone should know. . .

 

[LovelandBuckeye]

 

[ScriptOhio]

 

[Zurp]

But still, something changed my world. What. WHAT!?!? I am fighting to remember. It must be important and of course everyone should know. . .

Maybe it's the beginning of a story, and you need someone else to finish it...

My life forever changed

...when I realized that I still had that utility blade in my pocket. Until that day, I never learned to retract the blade before putting it in my pocket. Up until then, I had a few scratches on my leg and a lot of holes in my pockets, but it was a hell of a lot nicer than having to retract that stupid thing. Anyway, during my "shifting" and "contorting", either the knife was out of place, or my "junk" was out of place.

Someone else can add to that...

 

[The KSB]

How do I use boxer-briefs? I wore some to the office on a casual day with some old jeans that I found and which happened to fit me. They are from the low rise phase so they present issues that seem to call for boxer-briefs. Everything was fine and then I went to the restroom. I used a urinal. The briefs have no opening for me. I figured that hiking up the leg of the briefs was the way to go, as I didn't want my pants on the floor standing at a urinal, and I did my business fairly comfortably given the positioning of. . . things.

try pulling down from the top. I don't like the leg holes getting expanded any more than required.