So what the hell haven't I done today to beat Michigan...?
I really wasn't going to do anything.... save it all up for the morning... you know... bog them down the Morning of the game... all of you had done so much this week I figured... Hey... Give 'em hell right at the end you know?
So I'm driving to work this morning... late... hung-over from drinking beer and watching Buckeye Classics all might... gearing up for the game... and I'm getting ready to get off at my exit...and some fucking fat bitch in a blue hummer and Michigan Tags cuts me off... I have to slam on the brakes and I almost go into the ditch... whatever... fine... I think to myself... you know... that these people are a bit less gifted than most of the rest of us... and this whore is probably just probably preoccupied with the ass kicking Michigan is going to get tomorrow... hell, I went through the Cooper Years... fine... I remember what its like. Just stay cool, one day to go.
So... I get to work, in the parking garage and I'm still a little bleary, and I'm walking down the ramp to street level... and some fuck with a "Go Blue" flag on his car nearly runs me over... so I yell at his stupid mongoloid-can't-drive-ass and flip him off, I'm clearly too tired to chase him down... I'm also afraid if I run, the cheap beer farts that I've been firing off all morning are going to blow up into something worse... I'd throw my coffee cup at the asshole, but what good is that going to do. He'd just ruin my day more. No Coffee. Not an Option.
Shit, I'm late to a meeting... Gotta hurry and get to my office... Can't run... feeling like ass, pissed off at the whole state of Michigan... my boss catches me in the entryway to my building... Penn State Grad... wants to blab about how "The Game Doesn't Matter" because PSU is going to take care of business... Christ, who empowered these Pennsylvania people to think they are more than pebble on the college football landscape... even a blind squirrel gets a nut once in a while. Jesus... I politely tell him that I'm late for a meeting and I've got to get going... and I'll catch up with him later....
Finally, on the elevator... Just need to drop my stuff in my office, hit the can, and get to my meeting... I was the only one going up... as the doors nearly closed, they suddenly spring back open... You've got to be kidding me... I'm freaking late as hell. Guess what... dude in a Michigan Sweatshirt comes on the elevator with me... What the hell is going on? Is there a rock around here that they crawl out form under this week? Its not even Casual day... christ! He's all like, "Could you hit 8 for me?" I'm thinking, I'm about ready to hit something pal... but I do it... the elevator is slower than hell... and I'm standing there minding my own business and this dude tears off this ferocious stinky assed fart... it smelled like he must have gone to the old stroh's brewery in detroit and drank the dregs of some left behind scratch and dent kegs... so I start gagging in the elevator... I've got bile and coffee trying to come up... and I'm now also trying to keep my own beer shits under control... the dude is just smiling at me while my eyes are watering and I'm trying to keep control of my bodily fluids... don't they have olfactory perception in Michigan, or has the stench of Ann Arbor killed their ability to smell....
Finally... my floor... no choice now... I have to make a run for it... Quickly in the bathroom... take care of business.... aahhhh... now to my office. As I walk by my Admin-- a tall blue eyed red head with 44DD's and kicking body-- she says, there is a message for you, your meeting is cancelled... Thank God! I go in my office close the door and prepare to do nothing all day... the sun is sort of shining in the window... and things begin looking up... Until... I look across the street and there is a Dude in the office one floor up and across from mine, wearing all Maize... what the fuck is he doing with that high powered rifle... he's pointing it at me!
Shit! I was worried this might happen... I jumped behind my desk at the first round cracked through the window and through me new plasma monitor.... That is fucking it... I waited six months for that goddamned thing... I'm going to get this son of a bitch.... but all I've got on me is an UZI machine pistol and a couple hand grenades in my briefcase... gonna have to get back to the car to get the big stuff if I'm going to be able to return fire across the street.... Fucking Michigan Fans... ruining my morning...
As rifle rounds crack through my plate glass window... including one that hit my coffee cup...I keep low and make for the door... as I go through, I tell my Admin to clear out... its gonna get ugly...
I make a run for the elevator, and there is the group I was supposed to meet with... One carrying a Block M flag, the rest with Shotguns... I squeeze off a clip of 9mm down the hall and dive behind some cubicles... I must have hit one or two of them because I heard screaming like a little girls... regardless, I'm still surrounded and outgunned... so I have to make a run for it... I load a fresh Mag into the UZI and decide to back make a run for it to the stairwell... just then I see the Block M flag over the top of the Cube wall, I squeeze off a couple rounds instinctively and throw a CPU monitor at the guy and dazed him for a minute... no choice... I let loose with my sub machine gun and dive through the stairwell door... the door closes behind me and I drop a grenade in front of it... I fly down the steps.. as I made the second turn, I hear the grenade report, and muffled screams... Got 'Em!
As reach the bottom I peak through the door to the main lobby... the place is swarming with scummers by now... probably 30 of them, so I keep going, down to the basement... it pretty dark down there... but I think one of the EVP's-- who's buckeye-- keeps a stash of Guns and Explosives... I don't think he's going to mind... the Mitchickanders probably have him holed up in his office, if not worse....
Ah hah... Now we're cooking... an AK-47 and enough C-4 to blow up the Pig House... now we're in business... I sneak over to the Service Elevator... I didn't watch Bruce Willis movies for nothing... set a 45 second fuse on two pounds of C-4 and push "L".... and then the interminable wait..... and wait... and wait.... Then BOOM...
I run up the stairs and kick through the door to the Lobby.... the scummers who aren’t' dead or wounded were in complete shock... so I put a couple rounds in each of them... good fucking riddance....
Now... to take care of that cocksucker who shot my monitor and coffee cup... as I walk out of the front door, guess who's shooting at Buckeyes down the street....? Mr. Wovereenie sniper himself... but he's pretty well defended... Then... squealing around the corner in my car... is My Admin... she pulls up to me and tossed me a TOW missile.... hmmm too easy... the rocket fires... then BOOM... shoot my office up scummer... that's what you get...
I decided to let my admin have the rest of the day off... and me with her... I think she might like to come on over to my place and watch some Buckeye classics and have a few beers... if you know what I'm saying.
..did my own 
