Open letter to the people at Fox: Can someone please tell Troy Aikman he can say something besides "heckuva"?
Anyone who watched the game yesterday knows what I'm talking about..."heckuva play", "heckuva player", "heckuva call", "heckuva coach", "heckuva pass", "heckuva catch", "heckuva run"...
Someone buy him a book besides the "Irvin to English" translation manual.
Thank you.
Hello Bucklion:
As a customer contact specialist here at Fox (fair and balanced! - even in sports) it is always great to hear from fans of professional football and viewers of the Fox Networks in particular. We did ask Troy what he thought of your comments about his vernacular. Now, please consider that Troy never was the sharpest knife in the drawer, and his speech is filled with homespun homilies at the best of times.
That said, here is how our conversation with Troy went today.
FOX: Hey Troy, we got another letter griping about your lack of imagination during broadcasts. Seems you use the word heckuva too much.
Troy: Imagination?
FOX: Yes, it is what people use to think of new things. You know, like new ways of telling others about a play in a football game.
Troy: Well I always tell it like it is - by the way what's fernackuler?
FOX: Vernacular you mean oh spelling challenged one. That is the style of your speech, when you use certain words or phrases over and over again.
Troy: Like "the"?
FOX: He-he, good one Troy, actually we had in mind "Heckuva" - which you use a "heckuva" lot.
Troy: What's wrong? You just used it!
FOX: Yeah, (sigh) the point is you OVER-USE it.
Troy: So does this mean another round with that damned speech coach?
FOX: Probably that's wisest.
Troy: Yeah -I mean he does do a heckuva job doncha think?
FOX: Sigh
So, there you have it. We went to the mat for you dear viewer. As you can see we have our work cut out for us. If it were only possible to get Jimmy to take up coaching again we might have a fighting chance of ridding the FOX Network of Troy. Till then our hands are tied and Dierdre the speech coach remains flummoxed, speechless and unable to cure Troy's evident lack of vocabulary.
Again, thanks for being a concerned viewer.
The Fox Network -- Fair and Balanced
(And a HECKUVA Network)
