cincibuck
You kids stay off my lawn!
The Maine Report; DEROS
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The locals are cunning. They ordered up foul weather and storms for our arrival and a touch of the heat that was scorching the rest of the country. Now as we try and plan our return to the land of air-conditioning they have brought on the ‘A’ team. The days have been just warm enough for shorts and T-shirts, bright blue skies, sun dancing on sparkling water. The nights have been cool, that kind of cool that makes you sleep like a child.
It is now time for lessons learned:
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1. Think twice before renting from someone who tells you that their cabin will allow you to, “watch moose swim in the lake and eagles fish.” As the old joke goes, “You show me a home where buffalo roam and I’ll show you a messy living room.”
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2. In summer rental language “Two private baths” does not mean “Two full baths” or even “Bath and a half” nor does it ensure privacy. It seems reasonable to assume that it does mean two crappers, but our experts are still checking this out.
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3. Eighteen hours of driving on freeways can generate a lot of bad Karma. Pun intended.
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4. If you are 6’2, weigh in at 230 and are over 35 years old you should never enter a kayak unless the dock has a small crane standing by.
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5. If you ignore rule #4 and do get into a kayak, do not, under any circumstances, allow your wife to witness your exiting of same.
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6. If you travel with another couple and the other husband snores, expect to have your wife elbow you in the ribs in the middle of the night and demand that you roll over even though it is the other male who is snoring.
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7. Always put the carafe under the coffee maker before turning it on.
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Miscellany: We’re looking at the map and the Thruway system and I’m thinking that a pilot’s relief tube would be the next big improvement in automobiles. Granted, it’s a male point of view. Bungee cording a port-o-let to the back of the car would be an alternative. Other advancements would be a dashboard GPS system that locates and directs you to the nearest bathroom, non-fast food restaurant and jams all talk and religious radio programming.
<o:p></o:p>
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
The locals are cunning. They ordered up foul weather and storms for our arrival and a touch of the heat that was scorching the rest of the country. Now as we try and plan our return to the land of air-conditioning they have brought on the ‘A’ team. The days have been just warm enough for shorts and T-shirts, bright blue skies, sun dancing on sparkling water. The nights have been cool, that kind of cool that makes you sleep like a child.
It is now time for lessons learned:
<o:p></o:p>
1. Think twice before renting from someone who tells you that their cabin will allow you to, “watch moose swim in the lake and eagles fish.” As the old joke goes, “You show me a home where buffalo roam and I’ll show you a messy living room.”
<o:p></o:p>
2. In summer rental language “Two private baths” does not mean “Two full baths” or even “Bath and a half” nor does it ensure privacy. It seems reasonable to assume that it does mean two crappers, but our experts are still checking this out.
<o:p></o:p>
3. Eighteen hours of driving on freeways can generate a lot of bad Karma. Pun intended.
<o:p></o:p>
4. If you are 6’2, weigh in at 230 and are over 35 years old you should never enter a kayak unless the dock has a small crane standing by.
<o:p></o:p>
5. If you ignore rule #4 and do get into a kayak, do not, under any circumstances, allow your wife to witness your exiting of same.
<o:p></o:p>
6. If you travel with another couple and the other husband snores, expect to have your wife elbow you in the ribs in the middle of the night and demand that you roll over even though it is the other male who is snoring.
<o:p></o:p>
7. Always put the carafe under the coffee maker before turning it on.
<o:p></o:p>
Miscellany: We’re looking at the map and the Thruway system and I’m thinking that a pilot’s relief tube would be the next big improvement in automobiles. Granted, it’s a male point of view. Bungee cording a port-o-let to the back of the car would be an alternative. Other advancements would be a dashboard GPS system that locates and directs you to the nearest bathroom, non-fast food restaurant and jams all talk and religious radio programming.
<o:p></o:p>