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the funniest eBay about me page ever.. a must read

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Ginn4Heisman

Ginn4Heisman

Heisman
eBay View About Me for madludwig


MADLUDWIG'S PAGE


Upon graduation from college where I majored in Biology (I was outstanding in the field of Cannabis and produced a number of rolling papers on the subject) I was briefly incarcerated for failure to commit perjury. Upon my release I devoted myself to the study of silver flatware and joined the militant wing of the Salvation Army. In addition, I became very handy with a broom and a kaleidoscope. I spent several summers in Rangoon where I developed a low grade narcolepsy. In 1982, I walked up to the highest paved road in Florida; I then walked back down. Soon afterwards I became an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church.
Currently I am a member of MENSA, Ebay, DAMM (Drunks Against Madd Mothers), and the National Rifle Association. In my spare time I enjoy frog gigging in Montana, watching the Antiques Roadshow, and dancing naked around bonfires. Sometimes I spend hours contemplating my navel. My recipe for radioactive squid recently won 1st Place in the American Cooking Club's Master Chef contest.. Oh, I also like to boil fine vintage wines in lead pots.
I often feel that my 5 cats are running up my long distance phone bill and plotting against my life. I have a 500 entry spectrum of my many smells (whoa, there's a new one). I alone invented the question mark and the phrase "Fools, I'll destroy them all." I am the author of many widely quoted proverbs, the most recent being: "He who findeth sensuous splendor in the hot bodies of luscious damsels is not righteous." Sometimes I hack myself with a machete. Telemarketers irritate me worse than inflamed hemorrhoids on a six-month cattle drive. My only regret is that after devoting 10 years of unceasing efforts I failed to create a time machine from an IUD.
I currently live in a small southern town where I work as a sanitation engineer for the Southeast Sewer & Septic Tank Sucking Service. Also I am a reservist in the Centrifugal Air Force. When I'm not flying or extremely dizzy, I enjoy naming my pens and pencils and arranging them by color and years of service. My plans for immediate future include opening a midget strip club -- I think it would be a huge financial success and am currently looking for investors and midgets. I have been informed by the King of Norway and His Holiness the Pope that there is an excellent possibility that I will receive the Nobel Peace Prize in the near future.


:slappy: :slappy:
 
Blatant Dr. Evil ripoff.

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
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Ginn4Heisman;887345; said:
eBay View About Me for madludwig


MADLUDWIG'S PAGE


Upon graduation from college where I majored in Biology (I was outstanding in the field of Cannabis and produced a number of rolling papers on the subject) I was briefly incarcerated for failure to commit perjury. Upon my release I devoted myself to the study of silver flatware and joined the militant wing of the Salvation Army. In addition, I became very handy with a broom and a kaleidoscope. I spent several summers in Rangoon where I developed a low grade narcolepsy. In 1982, I walked up to the highest paved road in Florida; I then walked back down. Soon afterwards I became an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church.
Currently I am a member of MENSA, Ebay, DAMM (Drunks Against Madd Mothers), and the National Rifle Association. In my spare time I enjoy frog gigging in Montana, watching the Antiques Roadshow, and dancing naked around bonfires. Sometimes I spend hours contemplating my navel. My recipe for radioactive squid recently won 1st Place in the American Cooking Club's Master Chef contest.. Oh, I also like to boil fine vintage wines in lead pots.
I often feel that my 5 cats are running up my long distance phone bill and plotting against my life. I have a 500 entry spectrum of my many smells (whoa, there's a new one). I alone invented the question mark and the phrase "Fools, I'll destroy them all."I am the author of many widely quoted proverbs, the most recent being: "He who findeth sensuous splendor in the hot bodies of luscious damsels is not righteous." Sometimes I hack myself with a machete. Telemarketers irritate me worse than inflamed hemorrhoids on a six-month cattle drive. My only regret is that after devoting 10 years of unceasing efforts I failed to create a time machine from an IUD.
I currently live in a small southern town where I work as a sanitation engineer for the Southeast Sewer & Septic Tank Sucking Service. Also I am a reservist in the Centrifugal Air Force. When I'm not flying or extremely dizzy, I enjoy naming my pens and pencils and arranging them by color and years of service. My plans for immediate future include opening a midget strip club -- I think it would be a huge financial success and am currently looking for investors and midgets. I have been informed by the King of Norway and His Holiness the Pope that there is an excellent possibility that I will receive the Nobel Peace Prize in the near future.


:slappy: :slappy:
Click to expand...

oh8ch?
 
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