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Speaking The Same Language: Men vs. Women


Metal Rules
You'd think when we say something, we'd mean it. But most of the time you can't take peoples' words at face value. It's like when he knows we're pissed off at him for something, and he asks, "What's wrong?" Do we say, "You're an idiot?" Nope. We stick with the ever popular answer, "Nothing." He'll probably get a few more "nothings" until we're ready to talk. Why the whole song and dance? Why not just say, "I hate you," or "I slept with your best friend?"

Here's a little example of the male-female language barrier...

Her dictionary

"Maybe": "Maybe."

"It's your decision": "The correct decision should be obvious by now."

"Do what you want": "You'll pay for this later."

"We need to talk": "You'd better listen to every word I say."

"Sure...go ahead": "I don't want you to."

"I'm not upset": "Of course I'm upset, you moron!"

"How much do you love me?": "I've done something you're not going to like."

"Is my butt fat?": "Tell me I'm beautiful."

"You have to learn to communicate": "Just agree with me."

His dictionary

"I'm hungry": "I'm hungry."

"I'm sleepy": "I'm sleepy."

"I'm bored": "Want to have sex?"

"I love you": "Let's have sex now!"

"I love you, too": "OK, I said it. Now can we have sex?"

"Let's talk": "I'm trying to impress you by showing I'm a deep person -- maybe then you'll want to have sex with me."

"Nice dress!": "Nice cleavage!"

"You look tense -- let me give you a massage": "Now you owe me a special massage..."

"What's wrong?": "What meaningless, self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?"