• Follow us on Twitter @buckeyeplanet and @bp_recruiting, like us on Facebook! Enjoy a post or article, recommend it to others! BP is only as strong as its community, and we only promote by word of mouth, so share away!
  • Consider registering! Fewer and higher quality ads, no emails you don't want, access to all the forums, download game torrents, private messages, polls, Sportsbook, etc. Even if you just want to lurk, there are a lot of good reasons to register!


Our church has no bells.
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that "Shit happens."
Last edited by a moderator:
Comparison of World Religions (Rated PG)

Submitted By: anon

Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it really is not shit!.

Zen: Shit only happens when it does not happen.

Hinduism: This shit happened before (and it will happen

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Protestant: Let shit happen to someone else.

Catholic: If shit happens, you deserve it!

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?

Atheism: Shit happens for no apparent reason.

Agnosticism: I think shit happens.

Baptist: I BELIEVE shit happens! (Amen)

Jehovah Witness: Let us in and we will tell you why shit

Scientologist: Feces occurs.

Hare Krishna: ShithappensShithappensShithappens.

Existentialism: I shit therefore I am. (Defeco ergo sum)

New Age Religion: Shit came to me in a vision.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.

Paganism: If you send shit out into the world, it will
return to you threefold.

Mormons: If shit happens, the Church gets 10%.

Stoics: This shit doesn't bother me.

Hedonists: There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock knock. Shit happens.

Atheism: No shit.

New Life Christian: Pay us money or shit will happen.

Quantum Physics: The probability that shit will happen is...

Quantum Physics 2: Shit is a wave AND a particle!

Branch Davidianism: David Koresh: I am the shit!

Occultism: I see shit happening in your future.

Bahaiism: Same shit, different pile.
Upvote 0