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Metal Rules
Please update your dictionaries to reflect the definitions that have been revised to reflect modern usage:

ARGUMENT - A discussion that occurs when you're right, but your opponent just hasn't realized it yet.
PATIENCE - The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
MACINTOSH - The missing link between Nintendo and IBM.
JUNK - Stuff we throw away.
STUFF - Junk we keep.
JURY - A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
SAINT - A person who behaves decently in an indecent society (Kurt Vonnegut)
ADOLESCENCE - A stage between infancy and adultery.
MODERN ART - What happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.
EXPERIENCE - Recognizing a mistake when you've made it again.
SECRET - Something you tell to one person at a time.
ADMIRATION - Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
ALCOHOLIC - Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
DRUG - A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
FRIENDS - People who know you well, but like you anyway.
GAMBLING - The sure way of getting nothing for something.
HAPPINESS - An illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality
IRS - Income Reduction Service.
JUSTICE - A decision in your favor.
LAWYER - The larval stage of politicians.
LIBERAL - Too poor to be a capitalist, too rich to be a Communist.
ON-LINE - The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
OPTIMISM - A guy who gets married at ninety and buys a house near a school.
PARANOID - Someone who just figured out what's going on.
PESSIMIST - A well-informed optimist.
OPTIMIST - A well-instructed pessimist.
CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
POLITICALLY CORRECT - Always having to say you're sorry.
LOGIC - The art of being wrong with confidence.
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
COMPUTER - A device designed to speed up and automate errors.
MARRIAGE - 1. A very expensive way to get your laundry done. 2. A triumph of imagination over intelligence.
POLITICS - Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)
MULTITASKING - Reading in the bathroom.
BUDGET - A method for going broke methodically.
TOE - A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.