All this talk of civil discourse makes me think it's time for a re-post of the Kerry/Edwards lovers' spat.
This time on "Coupling," John and John have their first fight:
John E.: "I've gotta tell y'all, John, Love, that Blayck Pow'r Saaaalute (Don't you just love "Hee Haw," Johnnie?). Anyway, Sweetie, that whole Blayck Pow'r thing is just not ryyght. In fact, Baby, it's wrong and it made you look, well, Honey, stupid. You're wyyte, Johnnie."
John K.: "First of all, let me tell you, Senator Edwards, Dear, I have not and will not ever see, ehem, Hee Haw (at least not until I find it politically expedient to do so), so any reference to a hillbilly salute is completely lost upon me. B: How and when and why I choose to address my African American soul brothers is not truly your concern and should you choose to find fault in my actions or conduct, perhaps, then, I have made an error in judgment here. I certainly hope that I will not have to find it necessary to change my mind with regard to this particular issue and, dare I say, relationship, of all things. That said, you know, you are really cute when you're irritated, Sweetness."
JE: "Don't you daare patronize me, you miserable snob of a pig! Sob, sniff. You are lucky I'm here at all. Without me you're nothing! Do you hear me, Mister, NOTHING! Without me to clean up your messes and make you look good all you are is a, a Ketchup Whore!" Sob, Sob, Sniff, Sob
JK: "Listen, Baby, I waz down wit da man whan yo fyyyne white ass waz still in dyypas, yo. Know wha I'm sayyin, G? I waz in da 'Nam, Baby. Y'all caint hannel nonna dat shit, yo. Now why don't you come on over here and show me that thang?"
JE: "Well I never... of all the boorish, insensitive and offensive remarks... Sob... If I had only known what you were going to turn out to be, I never would've listened to that bitch, Hillary. You are a monster, an absolute monster and I hate you! I HATE YOU! AHHHHHHH!"
JK: "It's all good, Baby. Cum on now. I'm goin' ta Carolina in my mind, yo."
JE: "If you think you're ever seeing my Carolina again, Mister, you are soooorely mistaken." Sob... Pout.
JK: (phone call to Al Sharpton) "Yo, Al, my man, this whole smooth rap I'm laying down like you said ain't gettin' me any. Help a brutha out, Rev."
ASs: "WAZ UP!! Jus chill, Baby. Just say it wit me: Show me da coochie!"
JK: "Excuse me?"
ASs: "You wanna get you some ass, John? Say it wit a black man: Show me da coochie!"
JK: (Quietly) "Show me the coochie?"
ASs: "Naw, Johhny Boy. Say it wit may, lemme hear ya, Baby, Show me da Coochie! Can ya feel it, Johnny, can ya feel it? Show me da coochie!"
JK: "Yes, Reverend, I can feel it, I can feel the power, SHOW ME DA COOCHIE!"
JE: "Excuse me?"
JK: "SHOW ME DA COOCHIE, SHOW ME DA COOCHIE!"
ASs: "That's it, Show me da Coochie! Bring it on home, John-Boy, show me da coochie."
JK: "SHOW ME DA COOCHIE!"
JE: "You wanna see this coochie?"
JK: "SHOW ME DA COOCHIE! Show me that fine white coochie!"
JE: "I got your coochie right here, Big John." Giggle, giggle.
ASs: "My work here is done. John?"
JK: "Ummm, umm. Oh, uh, Yes, Reverend?"
ASs: "I'm gonna be expectin' a prime-time gig at the Convention, you know. Now don't make me axe you again."
JK: "Oh, no, Reverend, you got the keynote address!"
ASs: "Later, and like Shaq to Miami, I'm gone."
JE: "Why don't you put down that phone and come on over here?"
JK: "Baby, I'm about to show you why gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts!"
JE: "Oh, John!"
JK: "Oh, John!"
JE: "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, John. Gimme some a that sweet ketchup."
JK: "I got your Heinz right here."