<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=785 bgColor=#ffff99 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=sidebar id=sidebar-left vAlign=top></TD><!------------------------------ END NAV BAR -------------><!------------------------------ BEGIN CONTENT -------------><!--------------- BEGIN HEADER -----------><TD vAlign=top><!------------------ END HEADER -----------><!--- CONTENT ---><!-- start main content --><!-- begin content -->
<SCRIPT type=text/javascript><!-- function openWin(parts) { myWin = window.open(parts.options[parts.selectedIndex].value,'friend_of_poop','status=yes,toolbar=yes,menubar=yes,directories=yes,location=yes,scrollbars=yes,resizable=yes');}function startit(location,title,wdth,hght){window.open( location,title,'toolbar=0,directories=0,menubar=0,status=0,location=0,scrollbars=1,resizable=1,width='+ wdth + ',height=' + hght )}function jumpTo(parts) { location = parts.options[parts.selectedIndex].value parts.selectedIndex=0;}function Dollar (val) { // force to valid dollar amountvar str,pos,rnd=0; if (val < .995) rnd = 1; // for old Netscape browsers str = escape (val*1.0 + 0.005001 + rnd); // float, round, escape pos = str.indexOf ("."); if (pos > 0) str = str.substring (rnd, pos + 3); return str;}function ReadForm (obj1, tst) { // Read the user formvar i,j,amt,des,obj,pos,val,op1a="",op1b="",op2a="",op2b=""; amt = obj1.baseamt.value*1.0; // base amount des = obj1.basedes.value; // base description if (obj1.baseon0) op1a = obj1.baseon0.value; // base options if (obj1.baseos0) op1b = obj1.baseos0.value; if (obj1.baseon1) op2a = obj1.baseon1.value; if (obj1.baseos1) op2b = obj1.baseos1.value; for (i=0; i<obj1.length; i++) { // run entire form obj = obj1.elements<i>; // a form element if (obj.type == "select-one" && // just selects obj.name == "") { // must be un-named pos = obj.selectedIndex; // which option selected val = obj.options[pos].value; // selected value pos = val.indexOf ("@"); // price set? if (pos >= 0) amt = val.substring (pos + 1)*1.0; pos = val.indexOf ("+"); // price increment? if (pos >= 0) amt = amt + val.substring (pos + 1)*1.0; pos = val.indexOf ("%"); // percent change? if (pos >= 0) amt = amt + (amt * val.substring (pos + 1)/100.0); if (des.length == 0) des = val; else des = des + ", " + val; // accumulate value } else if (obj.type == "checkbox" || // just get checkboxex obj.type == "radio") { // and radios if (obj.checked) { val = obj.value; // the value of the selection pos = val.indexOf ("@"); // price set? if (pos >= 0) amt = val.substring (pos + 1)*1.0; pos = val.indexOf ("+"); // price increment? if (pos >= 0) amt = amt + val.substring (pos + 1)*1.0; pos = val.indexOf ("%"); // percent change? if (pos >= 0) amt = amt + (amt * val.substring (pos + 1)/100.0); if (des.length == 0) des = val; else des = des + ", " + val; // accumulate value, or text } } else if (obj.type == "select-multiple") { //one or more for (j=0; j<obj.options.length; j++) { // run all options if (obj.options[j].selected) { val = obj.options[j].value; // selected value (default) if (des.length = 0) des = amt; else des = des + ", " + val;// accumulate value, or text pos = val.indexOf ("+"); // price increment? if (pos >= 0) amt = amt + val.substring (pos + 1)*1.0; } } } else if ((obj.type == "text" || // just read text, obj.type == "textarea") && obj.name != "tot" && // but not from here obj.name != "quantity") { val = obj.value; // get the data if (val == "" && tst) { // force an entry alert ("Enter data for " + obj.name); return false; } tag = obj.name.substring (obj.name.length-2); // get flag if (tag == "1a") op1a = op1a + " " + val; else if (tag == "1b") op1b = op1b + " " + val; else if (tag == "2a") op2a = op2a + " " + val; else if (tag == "2b") op2b = op2b + " " + val; else if (des.length == 0) des = val; else des = des + ", " + val; } }// Now summarize stuff we just processed, above if (op1a.length > 0) obj1.on0.value = op1a; if (op1b.length > 0) obj1.os0.value = op1b; if (op2a.length > 0) obj1.on1.value = op2a; if (op2b.length > 0) obj1.os1.value = op2b; obj1.item_name.value = des; obj1.amount.value = Dollar (amt); if (obj1.tot) obj1.tot.value = "$" + Dollar (amt);}--></SCRIPT><!------ This is the FORM to view the cart contents -------><FORM id=viewcart name=viewcart action=https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr method=post><INPUT type=hidden value=_cart name=cmd> <INPUT type=hidden value=1 name=display> <INPUT type=hidden
[email protected] name=business> </I>
</FORM><!------ This is the FORM to view the cart contents ------->
<!--------------- BEGIN HEADER ----------->
[SIZE=-1]<!--------------- END HEADER ----------->[SIZE=-1]<!--The fact that you are reading these words right now shows that you are better than everyone else. You are part of an elite society. You are a PoopReporter. And now, you have a legal way to brag.
<!--[/SIZE][/SIZE][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]
PoopReport is a labor of love. Which means it doesn't make me any money. With your help, I can have more to show for it than the embarrassment of my family and the emptiness of my wallet.
Everyone knows that poop is funny -- but only certain people are comfortable enoughwith their own biology to read PoopReport.com. Be proud that you are one of them. -->TWO DAY & PRIORITY SHIPPING NOW AVAILABLE
<!--------------- SELECT ITEMS ------><SELECT onchange=jumpTo(this) name=select2> <OPTION selected>Brown Revolution for sale:</OPTION> <OPTION value=Store/index.html#t-shirts>t-shirts</OPTION> <OPTION value=Store/index.html#journal>journal of ass production (!)</OPTION> <OPTION value=Store/index.html#certificates>certificates</OPTION> <OPTION value=Store/index.html#businesscard>business card holder</OPTION> <OPTION value=Store/index.html#sticker>stickers</OPTION> <OPTION value=Store/index.html#cafepress>bibs, thongs, mugs and other fun</OPTION></SELECT> <!--------------- SELECT ITEMS ----->
<!-------------------------- T SHIRTS ------------------------><TABLE cellPadding=6 width=600><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top>
[SIZE=-1]T-SHIRTS | $13[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]When you're wearing PoopReport, people notice. And then they give you lots of personal space.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]
PoopReport logo
10 Stages of Pooping (see bigger image)
Shameless Shitter (color) (see bigger image)
Shameless Shitter (b&w) (see bigger image)
Teed Off Turd no text (see bigger image)
Teed Off Turd with text (see bigger image) <FORM onsubmit="this.target = 'paypal';
return ReadForm(this, true);" action=https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr method=post>
<INPUT type=hidden value=_cart name=cmd> <INPUT type=hidden value=1 name=add> <INPUT type=hidden [email protected] name=business> <INPUT type=hidden name=item_name> <INPUT type=hidden name=amount> <INPUT type=hidden value=USD name=currency_code> <INPUT type=hidden value=13.00 name=baseamt> <INPUT type=hidden value="Tshirts @13.00" name=basedes> <INPUT type=hidden name=on0> <INPUT type=hidden name=os0> <INPUT type=hidden name=on1> <INPUT type=hidden value=http://www.poopreport.com/Store/shirts_thanks.html name=return> <INPUT type=hidden name=os1> <INPUT type=hidden value=Comments name=cn> <INPUT type=hidden value=1.50 name=shipping2>
[SIZE=-1]Select shirt style:
<SELECT onchange=" ReadForm (this.form);"> <OPTION value=logo selected>PoopReport logo</OPTION> <OPTION value=10stages>10 Stages of Pooping</OPTION> <OPTION value=shameless-color>Shameless Shitter (color)</OPTION> <OPTION value=shameless-bw>Shameless Shitter (b&w)</OPTION> <OPTION value=TOTnotext>Teed Off Turd no text</OPTION> <OPTION value=TOTwithtext>Teed Off Turd with text</OPTION></SELECT>
Select shirt size/color:
<SELECT onchange=" ReadForm (this.form);"> <OPTION value=mediumbrown selected>medium/brown</OPTION> <OPTION value=largebrown>large/brown</OPTION> <OPTION value=largewhite>large/white</OPTION> <OPTION value=xlbrown>XL/brown</OPTION> <OPTION value=xlwhite>XL/white</OPTION></SELECT>
Select shipping:
<SELECT name=handling_cart> <OPTION value=4.95 selected>Priority Mail: $4.95</OPTION> <OPTION value=17.00>Two Day Shipping: $17.00</OPTION></SELECT>
<INPUT type=image src="https://www.paypal.com/images/x-click-but22.gif" vspace=3 value="Add to Cart" name=submit VALIGN="MIDDLE"> </FORM>
[SIZE=-2](NOTE: Please allow 3-4 days for processing.)[/SIZE]
[/SIZE]
[/SIZE]
</TD><TD vAlign=top><MAP name=shirts><AREA shape=RECT coords=150,0,278,163 href="javascript<b></b>:startit('?q=Store/shirt_big.html','shirt',861,667)"><AREA shape=RECT coords=5,160,142,318 href="javascript<b></b>:startit('?q=Store/shamelesscolor.html','shamelesscolor',861,667)"><AREA shape=RECT coords=161,174,286,311 href="javascript<b></b>:startit('?q=Store/shamelessbw.html','shamelessbw',861,667)"><AREA shape=RECT coords=6,324,139,471 href="javascript<b></b>:startit('?q=Store/tot2.html','tot2',861,667)"><AREA shape=RECT coords=168,232,285,470 href="javascript<b></b>:startit('?q=Store/tot1.html','tot2',861,667)"></MAP><CENTER>( click for bigger images )
</CENTER>
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!------------------------------------------- JOURNAL ------------------------------><TABLE cellPadding=6 width=600><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top width=240><!-------- JOURNAL IMAGE --------> <!-------- JOURNAL IMAGE --------></TD><TD vAlign=top width=360>[SIZE=-1]<!--
JOURNAL OF ASS PRODUCTION | $5[/SIZE]
Written by the most popular contributors to PoopReport.com, it's the funniest literary poop humor you'll ever read.
--><!--------- ADD JOURNAL TO CART ------------><!--<FORM TARGET="paypal" ACTION="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" METHOD="post"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="cmd" VALUE="_cart"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="business" VALUE="[email protected]"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="item_name" VALUE="Journal!!!!"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="amount" VALUE="5"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="shipping2" VALUE=".50"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="image_url" VALUE="http://www.poopreport.com/Images/poop_logo_150x50.gif"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="return" VALUE="http://www.poopreport.com/Journal/thanks.html"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="cn" VALUE="Comments"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="currency_code" VALUE="USD">Select shipping:
<SELECT NAME="handling_cart"> <OPTION VALUE="2.00">First Class Mail: $2.00</OPTION> <OPTION VALUE="4.95">Priority Mail: $4.95</OPTION> <OPTION VALUE="17.00">Two Day Shipping: $17.00</OPTION></SELECT>
<INPUT TYPE="image" SRC="https://www.paypal.com/images/x-click-but22.gif" VSPACE="3" BORDER="0" NAME="submit" ALIGN="LEFT" ALT="Paypal"><INPUT TYPE="hidden" NAME="add" VALUE="1"></FORM>
EU and UK order here.-->
Yes, sold out. Click here for more info.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!------------------------------------------- JOURNAL ---------------------------------------><!------------------------------------------ CERTIFICATES ---------------------------><TABLE width=600><TBODY><TR><TD colSpan=2>[SIZE=-1]POOPING STATUS CERTIFICATES | [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]$5 color; $2 b&w[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]Each certificate is signed and authenticated by Dave, editor of PoopReport.
All certificates are nicely printed on nice paper, suitable for framing. [/SIZE]
</TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR><TD><TD width=12></TD><TD><!--------------- CERTIFICATE COPY---------->[SIZE=-1]
SHAMELESS SHITTER CERTIFICATE[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]They stroll to the bathroom with a newspaper under their arm and a grin on their face... you know they'd love a certificate on their wall. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]SHAMEFUL SHITTER CERTIFICATE[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]We all poop. But, for some reason, this person is really embarassed by it. This certificate helps them realize that they're not alone. [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]OFFICIAL POOPREPORTER CERTIFICATION[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]When your friends ask if you really wrote that poop story, this is how you prove it.[/SIZE]
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<FORM onsubmit="this.target = 'paypal';
return ReadForm(this, true);" action=https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr method=post><INPUT type=hidden value=_cart name=cmd> <INPUT type=hidden value=1 name=add> <INPUT type=hidden [email protected] name=business> <INPUT type=hidden name=item_name> <INPUT type=hidden name=amount> <INPUT type=hidden value=USD name=currency_code> <INPUT type=hidden value=5.00 name=baseamt> <INPUT type=hidden value="Certificates @5.00" name=basedes> <INPUT type=hidden value=Name name=baseon0> <INPUT type=hidden name=baseos0> <INPUT type=hidden value=PRname name=baseon1> <INPUT type=hidden name=baseos1> <INPUT type=hidden name=on0> <INPUT type=hidden name=os0> <INPUT type=hidden name=on1> <INPUT type=hidden name=os1> <INPUT type=hidden value=http://www.poopreport.com/Store/thanks.html name=return> <INPUT type=hidden value=Comments name=cn> <INPUT type=hidden value=.50 name=shipping2>
[SIZE=-1]Select certificate style:
<SELECT onchange=" ReadForm (this.form);"> <OPTION value=shameless selected>1. shameless shitter</OPTION> <OPTION value=shameful>2. shameful shitter</OPTION> <OPTION value=poopreporter>3. poopreporter registration</OPTION></SELECT>
Color or B&W?
<SELECT onchange=" ReadForm (this.form);"> <OPTION value="color @5.00" selected>color ($5.00)</OPTION> <OPTION value="b&w @2.00">b&w ($2.00)</OPTION></SELECT>
Select shipping:
<SELECT name=handling_cart> <OPTION value=2.00 selected>First Class Mail: $2.00</OPTION> <OPTION value=4.95>Priority Mail: $4.95</OPTION> <OPTION value=17.00>Two Day Shipping: $17.00</OPTION></SELECT>
Recipient's name
<INPUT size=24 value="first middle last" name=first_name_1b>
Recipient's PoopReport name
<INPUT value="(only applies for style #3)" name=addr_2b>
<INPUT type=image src="https://www.paypal.com/images/x-click-but22.gif" vspace=3 value="Add to Cart" name=submit>
</FORM><!--------------- CERTIFICATE COPY------->[/SIZE]
</TD><TD vAlign=top><!--------------- CERTIFICATE IMAGE -------><MAP name=certificates><AREA shape=RECT coords=0,0,275,152 href="javascript<b></b>:startit('?q=Store/shameless.html','shameless',800,550)"><AREA shape=RECT coords=9,165,278,299 href="javascript<b></b>:startit('?q=Store/shameful.html','shameful',800,550)"><AREA shape=RECT coords=9,325,258,455 href="javascript<b></b>:startit('?q=Store/poopreporter.html','poopreporter',800,550)"></MAP>
<CENTER>( click for bigger images )
</CENTER><!--------------- CERTIFICATE IMAGE ------->
</TD></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!----------------------------------------- CERTIFICATES ----------------------------->
<!------------------------------------------- STICKER ---------------------------------------><TABLE cellPadding=3 width=600><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top width=338>
[SIZE=-1]POOP BUSINESS CARD HOLDER | $7[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]The perfect gift for those stuck in shitty jobs. Hand-painted. Seriously![/SIZE]
<!--------- ADD STICKER TO CART ------------><FORM action=https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr method=post target=paypal><INPUT type=hidden value=_cart name=cmd> <INPUT type=hidden [email protected] name=business> <INPUT type=hidden value="fake poop business card holder" name=item_name> <INPUT type=hidden value=7 name=amount> <INPUT type=hidden value=1.50 name=shipping2> <INPUT type=hidden value=http://www.poopreport.com/Images/poop_logo_150x50.gif name=image_url> <INPUT type=hidden value=http://www.poopreport.com/Store/thanks.html name=return> <INPUT type=hidden value=Comments name=cn> <INPUT type=hidden value=USD name=currency_code> [SIZE=-1]Select shipping: [SIZE=-2]See shipping note[/SIZE]
<SELECT name=shipping> <OPTION value=4.95 selected>Priority Mail: $4.95</OPTION> <OPTION value=17.00>Two Day Shipping: $17.00</OPTION></SELECT>
<INPUT type=image alt=Paypal src="https://www.paypal.com/images/x-click-but22.gif" align=left vspace=3 border=0 name=submit> <INPUT type=hidden value=1 name=add> </FORM>[/SIZE]
</TD><TD vAlign=top width=242><!--------- STICKER IMAGE -------->
<!--------- STICKER IMAGE --------->
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!------------------------------------------- STICKER ---------------------------------------><!------------------------------------------- POOP POWER STICKER ---------------------------------------><TABLE cellPadding=3 width=600><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top width=300><!--------- STICKER IMAGE --------> <!--------- STICKER IMAGE ---------></TD><TD width=20></TD><TD vAlign=top width=280>
<!------ POOP POWER STICKER ------>
[SIZE=-1]POOP POWER STICKER | 4 for $2[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]Get the symbol of the brown revolution![/SIZE]
<!--------- ADD STICKER TO CART ------------><FORM action=https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr method=post target=paypal><INPUT type=hidden value=_cart name=cmd> <INPUT type=hidden [email protected] name=business> <INPUT type=hidden value="Poop Power Sticker" name=item_name> <INPUT type=hidden value=2 name=amount> <INPUT type=hidden value=.25 name=shipping2> <INPUT type=hidden value=http://www.poopreport.com/Images/poop_logo_150x50.gif name=image_url> <INPUT type=hidden value=http://www.poopreport.com/Store/thanks.html name=return> <INPUT type=hidden value=Comments name=cn> <INPUT type=hidden value=USD name=currency_code> [SIZE=-1]Select shipping:
<SELECT name=handling_cart> <OPTION value=1.00 selected>First Class Mail: $1.00</OPTION> <OPTION value=4.95>Priority Mail: $4.95</OPTION> <OPTION value=17.00>Two Day Shipping: $17.00</OPTION></SELECT>
<INPUT type=image alt=Paypal src="https://www.paypal.com/images/x-click-but22.gif" align=left vspace=3 border=0 name=submit> <INPUT type=hidden value=1 name=add> </FORM><!------ POOP POWER STICKER ------>[/SIZE]
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!------------------------------------------- POOP POWER STICKER ---------------------------------------><!------------------------------------------- BUMPER STICKER ---------------------------------------><TABLE cellPadding=3 width=600><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top width=300><!--------- STICKER IMAGE -------->
<!--------- STICKER IMAGE --------->
</TD><TD width=20></TD><TD vAlign=top width=280><!------ BUMPER STICKER ------>
[SIZE=-1]BUMPER STICKER | 4 for $2[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]Be proud! Be loud! Discourage tailgaters![/SIZE]
<!--------- ADD STICKER TO CART ------------><FORM action=https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr method=post target=paypal><INPUT type=hidden value=_cart name=cmd> <INPUT type=hidden [email protected] name=business> <INPUT type=hidden value="Bumper Sticker" name=item_name> <INPUT type=hidden value=2 name=amount> <INPUT type=hidden value=.25 name=shipping2> <INPUT type=hidden value=http://www.poopreport.com/Images/poop_logo_150x50.gif name=image_url> <INPUT type=hidden value=http://www.poopreport.com/Store/thanks.html name=return> <INPUT type=hidden value=Comments name=cn> <INPUT type=hidden value=USD name=currency_code> [SIZE=-1]Select shipping:
<SELECT name=handling_cart> <OPTION value=1.00 selected>First Class Mail: $1.00</OPTION> <OPTION value=4.95>Priority Mail: $4.95</OPTION> <OPTION value=17.00>Two Day Shipping: $17.00</OPTION></SELECT>
<INPUT type=image alt=Paypal src="https://www.paypal.com/images/x-click-but22.gif" align=left vspace=3 border=0 name=submit> <INPUT type=hidden value=1 name=add> </FORM><!------ BUMPER STICKER ------>[/SIZE]
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!------------------------------------------- BUMPER STICKER --------------------------------------->
<!------------------------------------------- CAFEPRESS ----------------------------------------><TABLE cellPadding=6 width=600><TBODY><TR><TD colSpan=2>[SIZE=-1]TANK TOPS, BABY TEES, BEER MUGS, ETC | [/SIZE][SIZE=-2](cafepress.com)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]PoopReport has partnered with Cafepress to offer loads of
good stuff. A coffee mug! A baby's bib! A THONG??!?[/SIZE]
</TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top width=161>
</TD><TD vAlign=top width=439> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
[/SIZE][/SIZE]
</I></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>