BuckShots
Banned
Hello Buckeye Friends and Family-<O:p</O:p
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Is it me or did our offense look like a group or spider monkeys trying to hump a pillow? Let’s be honest for a second- I am definitely grateful for a win. However, Troy Smiths passing style was lamer than Maggie Fitzgerald at the end of Million Dollar Baby. Ok, Ok- Before you get all uneasy…at least I didn’t reference that the footballs looked to be piloted by JFK Jr.! I am not saying that I have never made any mistakes….But, I can tell you some things that I have never done! I never have given a reach around to a one-legged Puerto Rican girl while reciting the pledge of allegiance. I never picked up an illegal alien at a Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touched myself. I never did the same thing except with someone from Joanne Fabrics. I know, I know- everyone must be asking the same thing: “Are you high?” I say to you….No, I crashed hours ago, and by the way- I am out of chips, cookies, Ritz crackers, and easy cheese. So, if anyone is in the Polaris area…please feel free to stop by with groceries. <O:p</O:p
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So, on to our next foe: The Iowa Hawkeyes! Ahhh…. Iowa- The state where people think of the four major food groups as beef, Doritos, Mt. Dew, and Jell-O with marshmallows. This is a game that should invoke nightmares from last season. I think I speak for everyone when I say- This will be a game of redemption! There is some bad blood that has been brewing for the last year. I would like to see the Linebackers take out some frustrations on QB- Drew Tate! Kind of like, Bob Crane’s demise after Hogan’s Heroes or the basement scene from Pulp Fiction (leaving out the sodomy of course). Hey, once again I am not exactly what people call politically correct. Honestly people, you would think that I would learn- However, every time I learn something new- it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Like that time I took a home winemaking class and forgot how to drive!<O:p</O:p
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I know that this week’s game is at 12:05, but there is still plenty of time to get marinated enough to be loud and cheer on the team. I can see it now: Everyone’s favorite drunk- Mr. WJH (using his initials to protect his identity)- walking out from behind my truck… drunk and naked- asking for himself and proclaiming that he had been told by himself that he would be paid $100 dollars if he took his clothes off. If that doesn’t make sense to you….You have not attended our tailgate! Ohio State 31- Iowa 17. <O:p</O:p
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I hope to see everyone at the game- East Lot (next to the stadium and just to the east of the Jessie Owens Memorial) Look for the Brutus on the roof of a silver Durango! I leave you with a quote from Mitch Martin in Old School- “True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a F’ing magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
Go Bucks-<O:p</O:p
Coach D.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
Is it me or did our offense look like a group or spider monkeys trying to hump a pillow? Let’s be honest for a second- I am definitely grateful for a win. However, Troy Smiths passing style was lamer than Maggie Fitzgerald at the end of Million Dollar Baby. Ok, Ok- Before you get all uneasy…at least I didn’t reference that the footballs looked to be piloted by JFK Jr.! I am not saying that I have never made any mistakes….But, I can tell you some things that I have never done! I never have given a reach around to a one-legged Puerto Rican girl while reciting the pledge of allegiance. I never picked up an illegal alien at a Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touched myself. I never did the same thing except with someone from Joanne Fabrics. I know, I know- everyone must be asking the same thing: “Are you high?” I say to you….No, I crashed hours ago, and by the way- I am out of chips, cookies, Ritz crackers, and easy cheese. So, if anyone is in the Polaris area…please feel free to stop by with groceries. <O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
So, on to our next foe: The Iowa Hawkeyes! Ahhh…. Iowa- The state where people think of the four major food groups as beef, Doritos, Mt. Dew, and Jell-O with marshmallows. This is a game that should invoke nightmares from last season. I think I speak for everyone when I say- This will be a game of redemption! There is some bad blood that has been brewing for the last year. I would like to see the Linebackers take out some frustrations on QB- Drew Tate! Kind of like, Bob Crane’s demise after Hogan’s Heroes or the basement scene from Pulp Fiction (leaving out the sodomy of course). Hey, once again I am not exactly what people call politically correct. Honestly people, you would think that I would learn- However, every time I learn something new- it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Like that time I took a home winemaking class and forgot how to drive!<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
I know that this week’s game is at 12:05, but there is still plenty of time to get marinated enough to be loud and cheer on the team. I can see it now: Everyone’s favorite drunk- Mr. WJH (using his initials to protect his identity)- walking out from behind my truck… drunk and naked- asking for himself and proclaiming that he had been told by himself that he would be paid $100 dollars if he took his clothes off. If that doesn’t make sense to you….You have not attended our tailgate! Ohio State 31- Iowa 17. <O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
I hope to see everyone at the game- East Lot (next to the stadium and just to the east of the Jessie Owens Memorial) Look for the Brutus on the roof of a silver Durango! I leave you with a quote from Mitch Martin in Old School- “True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a F’ing magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
Go Bucks-<O:p</O:p
Coach D.<O:p</O:p
