BP Youngstown, Ohio
We are receiving reports from South Bend and Ann Arbor that sometime after last nights Notre Dame-Michigan game, the corpses of legendary coaches Fielding Yost and Knute Rockne have risen from their graves and are roaming the countryside in search of human brains. Apparently, the 3.51 jiggawatts of failure from the second half of last night's game was just enough to reanimate their worm-eaten, decayed bodies. When pressed for comment, Touchdown Jesus refused to confirm or deny if he, or his father were responsible for reviving the ex-alive coaches and turning them into members of the undead. But when asked about Notre Dame's defense, Touchdown Jesus was quoted as saying "They know not what they do."
Undead experts seem to agree that those who have purchased their affiliations with Notre Dame or Michigan at Wal-mart, and blondes, should have little to fear from the brain craving zombies. More fearful was Ohio's governor Kasich who released a statement saying "Ohio State students, alums and fans should use extreme caution before approaching any undead beings."
Though these reports, while seemingly accurate, leave this reporter skeptical. After witnessing the last several college football seasons, and last night's game, I believe that neither of these two formerly alive iconic coaches, nor the formerly alive iconic programs they once represented, have in fact, risen from the dead. Instead, it is more likely to be just the imagination and fantasy of the sports entertainment media located in Bristol, Conn.
This is Saw31 reporting from NE Ohio for BP and the BCNN. Good day, good luck and M*ch*g*n still sucks...
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