fourteenandoh
My swing feels like an unfolding lawn chair.
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<!--posted date -->Posted: 8/11/2006 by: <!--Author with email link -->Jay Wildman </td></tr><tr><td><!--Story --><table align="left" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="5"><tbody><tr><td>http://thephatphree.com/img.asp?img=%5Fphotos%2FA%2DRod%2Ejpg</td></tr><tr><td>
</td></tr></tbody></table>BRISTOL, CT- ESPN today announced plans to add to its family of networks. In addition to ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN Classic, ESPN U and the Ocho, the all-sports behemoth will launch a new network dedicated to the Yankees and Red Sox.
“We just felt like we were already dedicating a ton of programming to the single greatest rivalry in sports already,” ESPN head honcho George Bodenheimer said while polishing his signed balls. “This is just an effort to give the American public what it craves: More Yankees-Red Sox.”
The network will launch around Spring Training 2007. While it hasn’t been officially named yet, a source within ESPN said that it will be called “Heroic Red Sox, Hallowed Yankees: Diary of Mankind's Greatest Rivalry”.
The source also said that ESPN is in negotiations to carry every Yankee/Red Sox game for the next five years. In addition, the network will have pre and post-game coverage of every game for both the Yankees and the Red Sox.
“The plan is for ORGY to be the ultimate source for Yanks/Sox news, above even YES or NESN,” the anonymous source said. “They’re even going to have reporters assigned to both teams.”
Bodenheimer confirmed that Pedro Gomez would be taken out of Barry Bonds’ pimply ass and inserted into David Ortiz’s larger posterior on the Red Sox beat. He said that no one had been assigned to the Yankees beat yet, because their cheeks were clenched so tight that they couldn’t insert anyone yet.
In addition to full coverage of spring training and the regular season for both clubs, the new network will have plenty of regular programming. Of course, there will be classic Yankees and Red Sox games. There will also be several original shows featuring members of both clubs, including “Alex Rodriguez’s Sunbathing Tips”, “Manny Ramirez’s Mood Swings” and “John Stirling and Joe Castiglione’s Orgasmic Calls”. ESPN personalities will also make contributions, including “Great Press Conference Recreations” with Steve Phillips, a Chris Berman-hosted highlight show called “You’re with Me, Cowhide”, and an untitled talk show featuring Harold Reynolds giving out relationship advice.
As expected, the Yankees and Red Sox were thrilled.
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</td></tr></tbody></table>“This is a great thing for baseball,” Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said. “Everybody knows that the Yankees are the most popular team in professional sports. Having another network just for us will be great.” When informed that the network was for the Yankees and the Red Sox, Steinbrenner muttered something about firing someone and walked off.
Red Sox President Larry Lucchino and GM Theo Epstein had a joint press conference, but it ended with the two of them bickering over who would talk first.
Reaction from the rest of the league was decidedly negative.
“Who the fuck does ESPN think they are?,” White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen exclaimed. “Those assholes are giving those two fucking teams their own network?!?! We’re the fucking World Champions! George Bodenheimer can eat shit, the fucking fag.”
Phillies pitcher Brett Myers had a similar reaction.
“This just makes me want to hit someone,” he said (In an unrelated story, Myers’ wife has gone missing).
Pirates’ manager Jim Tracy, commenting after a 14-1 loss to Houston, was more introspective.
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</td></tr></tbody></table>“Hopefully, this gives some of the smaller market teams the chance to be on national TV,” he said, trying to deflect attention away from the fact that the Pirates are 29 games under .500. “I can’t even remember the last time we were on national TV.”
However, Bodenheimer quashed that possibility.
“We’re still going to maintain our current level of Yankees/Red Sox coverage on ESPN. After all, we’ve been extremely successful with it so far. Why would we change that?” <!--This bug indicates the end of an article. -->
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<!--posted date -->Posted: 8/11/2006 by: <!--Author with email link -->Jay Wildman </td></tr><tr><td><!--Story --><table align="left" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="5"><tbody><tr><td>http://thephatphree.com/img.asp?img=%5Fphotos%2FA%2DRod%2Ejpg</td></tr><tr><td>
Get ready to see a lot more of A-Rod than you ever wanted.
</td></tr></tbody></table>BRISTOL, CT- ESPN today announced plans to add to its family of networks. In addition to ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN Classic, ESPN U and the Ocho, the all-sports behemoth will launch a new network dedicated to the Yankees and Red Sox.
“We just felt like we were already dedicating a ton of programming to the single greatest rivalry in sports already,” ESPN head honcho George Bodenheimer said while polishing his signed balls. “This is just an effort to give the American public what it craves: More Yankees-Red Sox.”
The network will launch around Spring Training 2007. While it hasn’t been officially named yet, a source within ESPN said that it will be called “Heroic Red Sox, Hallowed Yankees: Diary of Mankind's Greatest Rivalry”.
The source also said that ESPN is in negotiations to carry every Yankee/Red Sox game for the next five years. In addition, the network will have pre and post-game coverage of every game for both the Yankees and the Red Sox.
“The plan is for ORGY to be the ultimate source for Yanks/Sox news, above even YES or NESN,” the anonymous source said. “They’re even going to have reporters assigned to both teams.”
Bodenheimer confirmed that Pedro Gomez would be taken out of Barry Bonds’ pimply ass and inserted into David Ortiz’s larger posterior on the Red Sox beat. He said that no one had been assigned to the Yankees beat yet, because their cheeks were clenched so tight that they couldn’t insert anyone yet.
In addition to full coverage of spring training and the regular season for both clubs, the new network will have plenty of regular programming. Of course, there will be classic Yankees and Red Sox games. There will also be several original shows featuring members of both clubs, including “Alex Rodriguez’s Sunbathing Tips”, “Manny Ramirez’s Mood Swings” and “John Stirling and Joe Castiglione’s Orgasmic Calls”. ESPN personalities will also make contributions, including “Great Press Conference Recreations” with Steve Phillips, a Chris Berman-hosted highlight show called “You’re with Me, Cowhide”, and an untitled talk show featuring Harold Reynolds giving out relationship advice.
As expected, the Yankees and Red Sox were thrilled.
<table align="right" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="5"><tbody><tr><td>http://thephatphree.com/img.asp?img=%5Fphotos%2FOrtiz820060%2Ejpg</td></tr><tr><td>
How can David Ortiz run with all of ESPN so far up his ass?
</td></tr></tbody></table>“This is a great thing for baseball,” Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said. “Everybody knows that the Yankees are the most popular team in professional sports. Having another network just for us will be great.” When informed that the network was for the Yankees and the Red Sox, Steinbrenner muttered something about firing someone and walked off.
Red Sox President Larry Lucchino and GM Theo Epstein had a joint press conference, but it ended with the two of them bickering over who would talk first.
Reaction from the rest of the league was decidedly negative.
“Who the fuck does ESPN think they are?,” White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen exclaimed. “Those assholes are giving those two fucking teams their own network?!?! We’re the fucking World Champions! George Bodenheimer can eat shit, the fucking fag.”
Phillies pitcher Brett Myers had a similar reaction.
“This just makes me want to hit someone,” he said (In an unrelated story, Myers’ wife has gone missing).
Pirates’ manager Jim Tracy, commenting after a 14-1 loss to Houston, was more introspective.
<table align="left" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="5"><tbody><tr><td>http://thephatphree.com/img.asp?img=%5Fphotos%2FOzzie%2DGuillen8200658%2Ejpg</td></tr><tr><td>
Ozzie Guillen is so mad, he could kiss someone.
</td></tr></tbody></table>“Hopefully, this gives some of the smaller market teams the chance to be on national TV,” he said, trying to deflect attention away from the fact that the Pirates are 29 games under .500. “I can’t even remember the last time we were on national TV.”
However, Bodenheimer quashed that possibility.
“We’re still going to maintain our current level of Yankees/Red Sox coverage on ESPN. After all, we’ve been extremely successful with it so far. Why would we change that?” <!--This bug indicates the end of an article. -->
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The mass media outside of these two states think it only pertains to football, however that is not the case. Basketball, Hockey, Baseball and any other varsity sport that the two schools compete in is always intense.
