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If you created a real-life Jurassic Park, how would it be different from the movie?

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Zurp

Zurp

I have misplaced my pants.
First, I'd re-name some dinosaurs. I think the big ones (brachiosaurus, maybe?) would be named Orlando Pace-suarus. Tyranosaurus would be Woody Hayes Rex. Stuff like that.

Second, the movie didn't show enough naked or topless women. My park would have naked or topless women working there.

Third, the cages wouldn't be simple electrified chain-link fences. They'd be good steel cages.

Fourth, I might name one of the dinosaurs Lloyd Carr. It would be a little wimpy dinosaur that would be fed to the Jim Tressel dinosaur (I don't know which one that would be).
 
Yeah, Dern's character would have to be played by a sopping wet Scarlett Johansson. And Sam Neill's character would be played by...ah...her breasts? Yes, yes. Her breasts. Jeff Goldblum would be replaced by a bucket of sex toys, and the movie would have a lot less to do about dinosaurs, and a lot more to do...okay, it would essentially be pornography.
 
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Mine would be built around reality show. Except in my show people would choose from a bunch of deuchebags (very similar to regular reality shows) the biggest deuchebag would be voted off and thrown into a stadium with a couple of T-Rexs and eaten alive. Sort of like a Jurassic Running Man.

I would also recreate from DNA "Chaka" from Land of the Lost, and probably some Sleestaks too.

And as others have mentioned, obviously I would include plenty of naked titties.
 
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Sounds like most posters envision scenes where large amounts of a gooey substance aren't from a dinoasur sneezing.

Sounds like a sticky situation.
 
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BB73 said:
Sounds like most posters envision scenes where large amounts of a gooey substance aren't from a dinoasur sneezing.

Sounds like a sticky situation.
Click to expand...

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. A climactic battle between the T-Rex and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man at the edge of a cliff or chasm before the people get off the island is exactly what that movie needed.
 
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I'd make it based on the Nintendo game Caveman Games...

No plot, no actors/actresses, just cavemen beating themselves with clubs.

caveman_ugh-lympics_07.gif
 
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