Okay, prior warning: This is going to be a reasonably lengthy diatribe mostly involving me whining, so if you're not into that, feel free to do something else for the next four or five minutes.
I got this job six months ago. Legal assistant/editor/whatever. I'm a glorified typist. It pays glorified typist kind of money ($26,400). I was hired on to be the primary word processing guy for a team of four (now five) lawyers who frequently have hand-edited documents, and sometimes have entire forms written in longhand. My 'special skill', if you could call it that, is being able to decipher the handwriting of the top banana which - by everyone's account - resembles sloppy Arabic. It looks a little like the picture at the bottom.
It took me about six weeks to get really good at reading it, and by really good I mean between 98-99% accuracy. Anyway, my first thirty days were a sort of a 'trial' period, after which they would evaluate the situation and see if they wanted me full time. Obviously, they did. I became the tenth person in the entire office--very close-knit group. Being the loveable chap I am, I made friends pretty quickly, and things had been (as far as I knew) hunky-fuckin'-dory ever since.
Now, in fairness to the opposition here, a condition of my hire was that I be here at 8am rather than 8:30am (like most everyone else) to facilitate the lead attorney's early morning document drafting jones. In my estimation, I was satisfying each of my responsibilities perfectly well, with the possible exception of the 8am bit. Also like most everyone else in the office, I didn't/honestly couldn't make it to my desk at the same moment every day. I would not have said my tardiness was an issue, and they didn't really either, until I received a letter (in an office of ten people) on my desk that contained basically this:
Okay, so that was a little over a month ago, February 2. To that point, I had missed five days of work in five months. I had definitely been late several times, but I can only recall three instances in which I was significantly late without having given notice. In any case, I liked the job, so I wasn't going to fight it. Decided I wasn't going to "abuse" work time and days off. In the past four and a half weeks, I've been very punctual. The only two exceptions have been two announced days out of the office. One was decided upon nearly a month in advance, taken so I could help take a very ill relative to the doctor. Another was yesterday, during which I slept and drank Robitussin to stave off what is probably my 1,705th head cold of this past winter.
Now, you need a little background. Right around the time of my hire, the big boss man decided to hire one of those crackpot (in my eyes, anyway) business consulting firms to "increase efficiency and productivity." If you're imagining these guys:
...you're probably not too far off. Anyway, if you're curious, the specific firm and their leader Sandor Kovacs can be found here. As predicted, it's all about gung-ho team-building rah-rah monkey shit, and it's gotten more pervasive with every passing day. But I played along. In any case, about two weeks ago, I had my meeting with the in-house Bobs--one of the underling attorneys and the office manager. Long and boring dialogue short, they told me they wanted to expand my position and essentially turn me into a paralegal. They asked how I felt about that, and I was honest. Told them I wasn't particularly excited about being a paralegal, but that I certainly wouldn't turn it down, assuming I didn't get into grad school. They asked me if grad school was going to be an obstacle in my commitment to the firm, and I said, "Yes, if I get in." After that, we came to a mutual agreement that it was probably best if I found something else, since the mere prospect of grad school (which would have started in September '06) was enough to scuttle the entire proposition. I agreed to resign effective April 3 (almost six weeks from that date).
Literally later that day, while still at work, I found out I had not been granted the teaching fellowship with Ohio State's English Graduate program for which I had applied. I immediately e-mailed the office manager and informed her of this, and that I would certainly take the previously offered position, were it still available. The answer went like this:
...hm. Alright. Now they're referring to themselves as "The Firm." Mind you, we're still only ten people at this point. But whatever. I take it in stride and continue looking elsewhere, despite how odd it seems that I'm being so swiftly ushered out the door.
Here's where it gets amusing. At the most recent staff meeting, boss man officially informs everyone that I'm leaving. He then officially expresses the need - I shit you not - for typing help. ...you know. Since I'm leaving. To accommodate the increased volume of work. This perplexed just about everyone. Everyone I spoke to, anyway. I remain the only person in the office who can truly read that handwriting, and one of only two who are even acceptably proficient. It should be noted that in an average week, 15-20 pages of that chicken scratch get churned out by the big fella, and it all runs through me. They couldn't keep me on as a typist, and now they need typists.
Again, I'm pretty certain I've done everything they've asked me to do.
Yesterday, I missed work. E-mailed the day before, because I knew I was getting sick, didn't want to get others sick, didn't want to make the cold any worse by being out in the cold, etc. Today, I receive this e-mail from the office manager:
So I guess it's been five months, not six...allllright. But keep in mind...I have eighteen (18) days remaining. Eighteen. So now, with eighteen days left, they're going to make me punch in and out, the only person in the office who will be doing so.
I'm not really looking for advice, and I'm not looking for job ideas, as I may already have something lined up (fingers crossed). Really, I'm just curious to know - taking all that information into account - what it is I did or did not do that provoked that kind of treatment. Clearly they've had enough...I just don't know of what. In any event, the most recent e-mail really tickled me, and I thought others may derive some pleasure from it as well.
I got this job six months ago. Legal assistant/editor/whatever. I'm a glorified typist. It pays glorified typist kind of money ($26,400). I was hired on to be the primary word processing guy for a team of four (now five) lawyers who frequently have hand-edited documents, and sometimes have entire forms written in longhand. My 'special skill', if you could call it that, is being able to decipher the handwriting of the top banana which - by everyone's account - resembles sloppy Arabic. It looks a little like the picture at the bottom.
It took me about six weeks to get really good at reading it, and by really good I mean between 98-99% accuracy. Anyway, my first thirty days were a sort of a 'trial' period, after which they would evaluate the situation and see if they wanted me full time. Obviously, they did. I became the tenth person in the entire office--very close-knit group. Being the loveable chap I am, I made friends pretty quickly, and things had been (as far as I knew) hunky-fuckin'-dory ever since.
Now, in fairness to the opposition here, a condition of my hire was that I be here at 8am rather than 8:30am (like most everyone else) to facilitate the lead attorney's early morning document drafting jones. In my estimation, I was satisfying each of my responsibilities perfectly well, with the possible exception of the 8am bit. Also like most everyone else in the office, I didn't/honestly couldn't make it to my desk at the same moment every day. I would not have said my tardiness was an issue, and they didn't really either, until I received a letter (in an office of ten people) on my desk that contained basically this:
Okay, so that was a little over a month ago, February 2. To that point, I had missed five days of work in five months. I had definitely been late several times, but I can only recall three instances in which I was significantly late without having given notice. In any case, I liked the job, so I wasn't going to fight it. Decided I wasn't going to "abuse" work time and days off. In the past four and a half weeks, I've been very punctual. The only two exceptions have been two announced days out of the office. One was decided upon nearly a month in advance, taken so I could help take a very ill relative to the doctor. Another was yesterday, during which I slept and drank Robitussin to stave off what is probably my 1,705th head cold of this past winter.
Now, you need a little background. Right around the time of my hire, the big boss man decided to hire one of those crackpot (in my eyes, anyway) business consulting firms to "increase efficiency and productivity." If you're imagining these guys:
...you're probably not too far off. Anyway, if you're curious, the specific firm and their leader Sandor Kovacs can be found here. As predicted, it's all about gung-ho team-building rah-rah monkey shit, and it's gotten more pervasive with every passing day. But I played along. In any case, about two weeks ago, I had my meeting with the in-house Bobs--one of the underling attorneys and the office manager. Long and boring dialogue short, they told me they wanted to expand my position and essentially turn me into a paralegal. They asked how I felt about that, and I was honest. Told them I wasn't particularly excited about being a paralegal, but that I certainly wouldn't turn it down, assuming I didn't get into grad school. They asked me if grad school was going to be an obstacle in my commitment to the firm, and I said, "Yes, if I get in." After that, we came to a mutual agreement that it was probably best if I found something else, since the mere prospect of grad school (which would have started in September '06) was enough to scuttle the entire proposition. I agreed to resign effective April 3 (almost six weeks from that date).
Literally later that day, while still at work, I found out I had not been granted the teaching fellowship with Ohio State's English Graduate program for which I had applied. I immediately e-mailed the office manager and informed her of this, and that I would certainly take the previously offered position, were it still available. The answer went like this:
...hm. Alright. Now they're referring to themselves as "The Firm." Mind you, we're still only ten people at this point. But whatever. I take it in stride and continue looking elsewhere, despite how odd it seems that I'm being so swiftly ushered out the door.
Here's where it gets amusing. At the most recent staff meeting, boss man officially informs everyone that I'm leaving. He then officially expresses the need - I shit you not - for typing help. ...you know. Since I'm leaving. To accommodate the increased volume of work. This perplexed just about everyone. Everyone I spoke to, anyway. I remain the only person in the office who can truly read that handwriting, and one of only two who are even acceptably proficient. It should be noted that in an average week, 15-20 pages of that chicken scratch get churned out by the big fella, and it all runs through me. They couldn't keep me on as a typist, and now they need typists.
Again, I'm pretty certain I've done everything they've asked me to do.Yesterday, I missed work. E-mailed the day before, because I knew I was getting sick, didn't want to get others sick, didn't want to make the cold any worse by being out in the cold, etc. Today, I receive this e-mail from the office manager:
So I guess it's been five months, not six...allllright. But keep in mind...I have eighteen (18) days remaining. Eighteen. So now, with eighteen days left, they're going to make me punch in and out, the only person in the office who will be doing so.
I'm not really looking for advice, and I'm not looking for job ideas, as I may already have something lined up (fingers crossed). Really, I'm just curious to know - taking all that information into account - what it is I did or did not do that provoked that kind of treatment. Clearly they've had enough...I just don't know of what. In any event, the most recent e-mail really tickled me, and I thought others may derive some pleasure from it as well.
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