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Help me exact my revenge...

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jlb1705

jlb1705

hipster doofus
Bookie
Ok, here's what happened earlier tonight:

I'm sitting here watching TV, when there's a knock at the door. It's one of my good friends. He says, "Hey, I was over at the bar and I had to take a dump and I didn't want to use their restroom..."

I think to myself, "I pay a healthy sum to have a comfortable place to take a dump. If you want that convenience, you should get a better job and move out of your mom's house." I didn't want to be a dick though, so I let him in.

He's in the bathroom for 5-7 minutes - he does his business, and then leaves.

About two hours later, I get up to go take a piss. The bathroom door is closed. I open the door, and HOLY JESUS IT STILL SMELLS LIKE SHIT, and sitting in the toilet is THE BIGGEST DUMP EVER CREATED BY ANY HUMAN BEING.

So, I flushed the thing (before it gained consciousness and took over the rest of my apartment), Lysol-bombed the bathroom, shut the door, and went and took a piss off my balcony instead (one of the many real-life skills I learned in college).

And now I'm left with designing and executing an appropriate revenge, and that's where I want YOUR help. Two factors to keep in mind:

1.) My friend is 6'7", 350 lbs. Any revenge I bring upon him cannot incur his violent wrath, as that would obviously be hazardous to my health.

2.) My friend still lives with his parents. That means I cannot simply "return the favor" because a.) I'd never have any reason to want to hang out at his place, and b.) I can't really show up at their front door and be like, "Hello, Mr. & Mrs. ___________! I'm here to take a wicked huge dump in your can - I kinda owe your son..."

With all that in mind, what should I do?
 
Subscribe to a gay magazine in his name. Have it delivered to his parents house. His name on the label. You get the picture.

Thump will have to help you with what magazine ... I have no clue. (Not that having a clue about such things would be wrong) :)

Of course if he is actually gay, this won't actually be of much use. :wink2:
 
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Here's a couple-
  • You know those Christmas cards that play jingles when you open them? You can remove the music chip from cards and affix it to the insides of door hinges. Every time someone opens the door, the jingle plays -- over and over. Also works well on the bottom hinge of a dark closet. Can take months to discover -- or run out of power.
  • Get a packet of instant milk and put it in his bed on a particulary hot night. In his sleep, he will sweat, and in the morning the milk will have mutated into sour, smelly milk. He'll stink for a week.
  • Get one of those industrial-sized rolls of plastic wrap, the kind they use to wrap up palettes of stuff in factories, and wrap his car in it. After you go around the car a couple of times, he won't be able to just grab it and rip it off. A combination of knives, teeth, and blow torches will be needed.
  • Hot sauce on the toothbrush. Only works if you use something strong like Dave's Insanity.
  • If you have friends that work in retail stores, have them collect a bunch of those security tags that are found on many of the more expensive items. If you break them open you will find what looks like a shiny white plastic strip. This is what sets off the sensors at the front of the store. Put a couple of those strips under the insoles of every pair of shoes he owns.
 
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Bucktastic said:
I was going to say, SUPER. :tongue2:
Click to expand...

Oh Jesuth Chritht

MisterSlave.jpg
 
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Mr. Incredible said:
Here's a couple-
  • You know those Christmas cards that play jingles when you open them? You can remove the music chip from cards and affix it to the insides of door hinges. Every time someone opens the door, the jingle plays -- over and over. Also works well on the bottom hinge of a dark closet. Can take months to discover -- or run out of power.
  • If you have friends that work in retail stores, have them collect a bunch of those security tags that are found on many of the more expensive items. If you break them open you will find what looks like a shiny white plastic strip. This is what sets off the sensors at the front of the store. Put a couple of those strips under the insoles of every pair of shoes he owns.
Click to expand...

brilliant!

inside1-guinness.jpg
 
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Mr. Incredible said:
Here's a couple-
  • You know those Christmas cards that play jingles when you open them? You can remove the music chip from cards and affix it to the insides of door hinges. Every time someone opens the door, the jingle plays -- over and over. Also works well on the bottom hinge of a dark closet. Can take months to discover -- or run out of power.
  • Get a packet of instant milk and put it in his bed on a particulary hot night. In his sleep, he will sweat, and in the morning the milk will have mutated into sour, smelly milk. He'll stink for a week.
  • Get one of those industrial-sized rolls of plastic wrap, the kind they use to wrap up palettes of stuff in factories, and wrap his car in it. After you go around the car a couple of times, he won't be able to just grab it and rip it off. A combination of knives, teeth, and blow torches will be needed.
  • Hot sauce on the toothbrush. Only works if you use something strong like Dave's Insanity.
  • If you have friends that work in retail stores, have them collect a bunch of those security tags that are found on many of the more expensive items. If you break them open you will find what looks like a shiny white plastic strip. This is what sets off the sensors at the front of the store. Put a couple of those strips under the insoles of every pair of shoes he owns.
Click to expand...

Remind me never to mess with Mr. I......:tongue2:
 
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If you have friends that work in retail stores, have them collect a bunch of those security tags that are found on many of the more expensive items. If you break them open you will find what looks like a shiny white plastic strip. This is what sets off the sensors at the front of the store. Put a couple of those strips under the insoles of every pair of shoes he owns.
Click to expand...
you don't need anything expensive.....these things are on every electronic device known to man. I stepped on one in KMart once and they wouldn't let me leave for 10 minutes.
 
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