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- Thread starter Oh8ch
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scarletandgrey
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Dem japs sure put out some crazy things.
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ScriptOhio
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
A Blonde consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she suffered from excessive flatulence, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now.
So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while.
At the end, the Blonde says, "You see, Dr Smyth while I've been sitting here talking to you I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell."
At this point, the doctor scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the Blonde.
"What's this?" she asked, "some pills?"
"No", replied Dr Smyth, "that is a prescription for a hearing aid."
"Come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."
So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while.
At the end, the Blonde says, "You see, Dr Smyth while I've been sitting here talking to you I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell."
At this point, the doctor scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the Blonde.
"What's this?" she asked, "some pills?"
"No", replied Dr Smyth, "that is a prescription for a hearing aid."
"Come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."
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My favorite blonde joke:
The blondes are having a convention and a famous mathematics professor has been challenged to prove that blondes can learn math. So on the first day of the convention he picks a promising candidate and promises to return for the closing ceremonies.
At the appointed time a very frustrated professor comes to the stage with his subject. In front of a packed house he turns to his student and asks "What is the square root of 16?"
"Nine" she responds.
"Sorry" says the prof. I have failed.
But the crowd chants "Give her another chance."
So the prof asks "What is the product of 7 and 6?"
"Thirteen" is her answer.
The prof again shakes his head but the packed house of blondes chants even louder "Give her another chance!"
So the prof asks "How much is two plus two?"
The girl answers "Four."
And the crowd chants "Give her another chance!"
The blondes are having a convention and a famous mathematics professor has been challenged to prove that blondes can learn math. So on the first day of the convention he picks a promising candidate and promises to return for the closing ceremonies.
At the appointed time a very frustrated professor comes to the stage with his subject. In front of a packed house he turns to his student and asks "What is the square root of 16?"
"Nine" she responds.
"Sorry" says the prof. I have failed.
But the crowd chants "Give her another chance."
So the prof asks "What is the product of 7 and 6?"
"Thirteen" is her answer.
The prof again shakes his head but the packed house of blondes chants even louder "Give her another chance!"
So the prof asks "How much is two plus two?"
The girl answers "Four."
And the crowd chants "Give her another chance!"
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ScriptOhio
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Another Blonde Joke:
A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet . As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.
The sign says: 'SEX FROGS'
Only $20 each!
Comes with complete instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and STERNLY says:
'LISTEN TO ME BOB!!
I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE ... MORE .... TIME!!!'
A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet . As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.
The sign says: 'SEX FROGS'
Only $20 each!
Comes with complete instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and STERNLY says:
'LISTEN TO ME BOB!!
I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE ... MORE .... TIME!!!'
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0