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Favorite "Office Space" Quotes

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CriticalSteve

CriticalSteve

All-American
Favorite Office Space, the movie, quotes:
We like to email these around the office...

Drew: I'm thinking I might take that new chick from logistics. Things go well, I might be showin' her my O-face. Oh! Oh! Oh! You know what I'm talkin' about ... Oh!

Drew: Give her a ride on the ol' bone roller coaster! AAAAAAAAAAH! Hah!

Bob Slydell: We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.

Michael: We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to Federal 'Pound me in the Ass' prison!

Milton: I believe you have my stapler?

Milton: Well... I... I told Bill that if Sandra's going to listen to her headphones while she's filing, then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating.
Peter: Uh huh.
Milton: So I don't see why I should ...
Peter: OK.
Milton: ... have to turn down the radio.
Peter: Yeah, alright.
Milton: I enjoy listening to my radio at a reasonable volume.
Peter: Thanks... Milton.
 
It's been awhile since I've watched it, but I think the guy with the best lines is the neighbor Lawrence (I think it's Lawrence).

"Yeah, I'm doing the drywall down there at the new McDonalds."

"If I had a million dollars, I'd do two chicks at the same time"


...if I butchered these, forgive me....but that guy is genius.
 
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Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob!

Peter Gibbons: The most they would do is put us for a few months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. You know, they have conjugal visits there?
Samir: They do?
Michael Bolton: Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months.

Lawrence: [shouting through the wall from his apartment] Hey Peter, man, check out channel 9, it's the breast exams.

Milton Waddams: Excuse me? Excuse me, senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a pina colada, and I said no salt, NO salt on the margarita, but it had salt on it, big grains of salt, floating in the glass...
Mexican Waiter: Lo siento mucho, senor.
[Under his breath]
Mexican Waiter: Pinche gringo.
Milton Waddams: [as the waiter walks away] And yes, I won't be leaving a tip, 'cause I could... I could shut this place down. Sir? I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your nation's board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put... I could put... strychnine in the guacamole. There was salt on the glass, BIG grains of salt.

Peter Gibbons: You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael?
Bob Slydell: Oh yeah, we're bring in some entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal.
Bob Porter: Standard operating procedure.
Peter Gibbons: Do they know this yet?
Bob Slydell: No. No, of course not. We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.
 
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Pretty much everything the Bobs say.

That, and:

Peter: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?"

Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.
 
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Peter Gibbons: Lawrence, you awake?
Lawrence: Yeah.
Peter Gibbons: You wanna come over?
Lawrence: No thanks, man. I don't want you fucking up my life, too...
 
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Cornerback6 said:
"If I had a million dollars, I'd do two chicks at the same time".
Click to expand...

That whole sequence is great.

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
 
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I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven,


I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".
 
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