Misanthrope
Banned
I got this a couple years ago. Given the NCAA's decision, this seemed like a good time to revisit it. 
Ban 'em all!
By Dan Lewis
<O:p</O:p
I've been reading on another fantasy football
website how the nicknames "Redskins" and "Chiefs"
will not be used when describing the teams in
<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:State>Washington</ST1:p</st1:State> and <st1:City><ST1:pKansas City</ST1:p</st1:City>. It seems that the
"R" and "C" words are just too insulting to
American Indians.
<O:p</O:p
Well, I say it's about time! These team nicknames
ARE offensive. I can't believe the NFL even
allows such things! But we cannot stop by just
banning the Redskins and Chiefs. We need to ban
ALL of the team nicknames -- because each and
every one is an ugly insult to somebody or something.
"Come on," you say? "Not every team nickname is
offensive!" Oh contraire! And I'm prepared
to prove it.
<O:p</O:p
Let's take care of nearly half the league in
one fell swoop. Fifteen NFL teams are names
after animals. So what could be wrong with calling
yourself an Eagle, a Dolphin or a Seahawk? Plenty!
People for the Ethical Treatment of animals says,
and I quote, "that animals are not ours to eat, wear,
experiment on, or use for entertainment."
There you have it. PETA says we can't use animals
for ENTERTAINMENT. Football is entertainment.
So say goodbye to the following nicknames:
<O:p</O:p
Cardinals
Falcons
Ravens
Bills
Panthers
Bears
Bengals
Broncos
Lions
Colts
Jaguars
Dolphins
Eagles
Rams
Seahawks
<O:p</O:p
And what about the Packers? They honor the people who
slaughter and package some of these fine animals PETA loves
so much! Ban 'em!
<O:p</O:p
Speaking of slaughter, do we really need to be celebrating
rapists and pillagers? I say NO WAY! So it's time to ban
the Vikings, Raiders and Buccaneers.
<O:p</O:p
And then we have the Patriots. A bunch of white males who
cried "liberty and justice for all" while at the same time
disenfranchising women and minorities? What an insult! Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
The Cowboys? How dare they celebrate the very people who
slaughtered the Redskins in the first place? Ban 'em!
<O:p</O:p
The Saints? Can't believe Americans for the Separations of
Church and State ever let this team off the hook. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
The Giants and the Titans? They make short people feel bad.
And as far as <st1:State><ST1:pTennessee</ST1:p</st1:State> goes, any state responsible for
giving us 8 long years of having to listen to Al Gore ought
to suffer as much as possible. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
The Jets? These polluters of the air make most members of
the Audubon Society blanch. Can't have that. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
My beloved Steelers? Yes, they too must be banned. Steel
workers pollute the environment, just like the Jets. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
Now we come to the Chargers. Thought you might get me on
this one, didn't you? Nope. The Chargers might remind all
those poor people in <st1:State><ST1:pCalifornia</ST1:p</st1:State> that they have no electricity.
Can't make those crunchy-granola left-coasters feel bad! Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
The 49ers? People who raped the land in order to satiate their
greed for gold! That's a no brainer. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
Finally, we come to the Browns. I'm not sure what's so bad about
a Brown, but frankly anything coming out of <st1:City><ST1:pCleveland</ST1:p</st1:City> is an insult
to the rest of us. Ban 'em!
<O:p</O:p
And, my friends, we must ban 'em all soon! Next year, the
Houston Texans will enter the league. <st1:State><ST1:pTexas</ST1:p</st1:State> used to be part
of <st1:country-region><ST1:pMexico</ST1:p</st1:country-region>, and the Mexicans haven't forgotten it. Let's not
get an entire country mad at us. Ban 'em before they incite a
war with our neighbors to the south!
So there you have it. We simply can't stop with banning
the Redskins and the Chiefs. For the sake of the children,
every NFL nickname needs to go. Ban 'em all.
_____________________________________________
Fantasy Football Draft Sharks
Copyright 2001
Ban 'em all!
By Dan Lewis
<O:p</O:p
I've been reading on another fantasy football
website how the nicknames "Redskins" and "Chiefs"
will not be used when describing the teams in
<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:State>Washington</ST1:p</st1:State> and <st1:City><ST1:pKansas City</ST1:p</st1:City>. It seems that the
"R" and "C" words are just too insulting to
American Indians.
<O:p</O:p
Well, I say it's about time! These team nicknames
ARE offensive. I can't believe the NFL even
allows such things! But we cannot stop by just
banning the Redskins and Chiefs. We need to ban
ALL of the team nicknames -- because each and
every one is an ugly insult to somebody or something.
"Come on," you say? "Not every team nickname is
offensive!" Oh contraire! And I'm prepared
to prove it.
<O:p</O:p
Let's take care of nearly half the league in
one fell swoop. Fifteen NFL teams are names
after animals. So what could be wrong with calling
yourself an Eagle, a Dolphin or a Seahawk? Plenty!
People for the Ethical Treatment of animals says,
and I quote, "that animals are not ours to eat, wear,
experiment on, or use for entertainment."
There you have it. PETA says we can't use animals
for ENTERTAINMENT. Football is entertainment.
So say goodbye to the following nicknames:
<O:p</O:p
Cardinals
Falcons
Ravens
Bills
Panthers
Bears
Bengals
Broncos
Lions
Colts
Jaguars
Dolphins
Eagles
Rams
Seahawks
<O:p</O:p
And what about the Packers? They honor the people who
slaughter and package some of these fine animals PETA loves
so much! Ban 'em!
<O:p</O:p
Speaking of slaughter, do we really need to be celebrating
rapists and pillagers? I say NO WAY! So it's time to ban
the Vikings, Raiders and Buccaneers.
<O:p</O:p
And then we have the Patriots. A bunch of white males who
cried "liberty and justice for all" while at the same time
disenfranchising women and minorities? What an insult! Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
The Cowboys? How dare they celebrate the very people who
slaughtered the Redskins in the first place? Ban 'em!
<O:p</O:p
The Saints? Can't believe Americans for the Separations of
Church and State ever let this team off the hook. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
The Giants and the Titans? They make short people feel bad.
And as far as <st1:State><ST1:pTennessee</ST1:p</st1:State> goes, any state responsible for
giving us 8 long years of having to listen to Al Gore ought
to suffer as much as possible. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
The Jets? These polluters of the air make most members of
the Audubon Society blanch. Can't have that. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
My beloved Steelers? Yes, they too must be banned. Steel
workers pollute the environment, just like the Jets. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
Now we come to the Chargers. Thought you might get me on
this one, didn't you? Nope. The Chargers might remind all
those poor people in <st1:State><ST1:pCalifornia</ST1:p</st1:State> that they have no electricity.
Can't make those crunchy-granola left-coasters feel bad! Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
The 49ers? People who raped the land in order to satiate their
greed for gold! That's a no brainer. Ban 'em.
<O:p</O:p
Finally, we come to the Browns. I'm not sure what's so bad about
a Brown, but frankly anything coming out of <st1:City><ST1:pCleveland</ST1:p</st1:City> is an insult
to the rest of us. Ban 'em!
<O:p</O:p
And, my friends, we must ban 'em all soon! Next year, the
Houston Texans will enter the league. <st1:State><ST1:pTexas</ST1:p</st1:State> used to be part
of <st1:country-region><ST1:pMexico</ST1:p</st1:country-region>, and the Mexicans haven't forgotten it. Let's not
get an entire country mad at us. Ban 'em before they incite a
war with our neighbors to the south!
So there you have it. We simply can't stop with banning
the Redskins and the Chiefs. For the sake of the children,
every NFL nickname needs to go. Ban 'em all.
_____________________________________________
Fantasy Football Draft Sharks
Copyright 2001
