Engaged now

[Merih]

She says that now.... wait until her girlfriends start in on it.... trust me.. if it doesn't mean much to her, when your ready just buy a small nice one...it will prevent a lot of things...

as for TDunk - first congrats, second just stay outta the way and let her do her thing, this is the thing most girl dream about since they were very little, so unless you have some financial stake in the wedding, just stay outta the way.

:( just realized how naive my post was

 

[AuTX Buckeye]

:( just realized how naive my post was

Not naive.... Trust me, I've seen it a few times in my life, she maybe telling you the truth... but just get her a ring anyways

 

[jwinslow]

Seriously though, not all females do this:

Let her do her thing...it's amazing how something small of wedding prep can turn into an argument/fight.

If she asks which thing you like, it's a trap. If you say one thing, they will say the other thing and then get upset why you chose the other.

.
2) She wants to discuss every little detail of the wedding, but she doesn't want your input, just to agree with her. The hard part is she will ask you a question and not let you know that only one answer is correct. If you can find a way to get her to let you know what she thinks before you give an answer you will save some time. If there is anything that you really want you can stick up for it, but you'll probably have to give in to pretty much everything else..

As for planning, most guys don't really care that much or want to do all of that legwork so why not just accept a back seat and help where you can?

My advice, on top of getting married outside of sports season to avoid annual rate conflicts....

Don't skimp on the photography. You enjoy the flowers, food, decorations once. You look at the photos for a lifetime and many couples fill their houses and their relatives houses with them. They also make great presents for poor newly weds .

So many couples pay for feasts for a king and then have some pal or relative snap some photos. Now all of us got started like this but for those who have the option that is very backwards.

There are lots of photographers out there that will sell you their time and a CD of photos with few or zero prints. They will still charge a premium for it as you are paying for their time, time slot, equipment, talent, editing and lost photo sales by providing the originals. However it is an absolute chore to edit a wedding gallery and some photographers prefer to not spend all week editing. Some go as far as to only offer a photo CD, no prints.

You don't have to spend four thousand to get good photos but understand that a thousand is definitely bottom dollar unless you have a seasoned pro who is your best bud or close relative. The camera bodies run 2-3k each. The lenses are 1k or more and you need many. Then there is the lighting equipment, the 1.5k computer to edit them, another 1k in editing software not to mention the value and length of his time. If it is affordable, there is probably a reason.

Take a more active role in planning the honeymoon. Unlike the one day party most ladies do not get too hung up on minute details for that. If you pick a great trip you also may be setting up return vacations.

 

[jwinslow]

Not naive.... Trust me, I've seen it a few times in my life, she maybe telling you the truth... but just get her a ring anyways

Get her something you will be proud of in ten years. It doesn't need to be over the top but it should be a quality lifetime investment. Most of all get a great stone. Size is a judgment call but you want her to enjoy making the light dance on her finger as she plays with it.

It is also the one piece of jewelry she can almost always wear. My wife rarely has settings in which to wear her fancy necklace but always has her nice ring.

Another way to set the ring apart is to have a more stylish or ornate wedding band. So many people get a gigantic engagement ring and then add a basic band to it. Some omit the band altogether. I decided to get matching wedding band which interlocked with the engagement ring.

 

[Merih]

Get her something you will be proud of in ten years. It doesn't need to be over the top but it should be a quality lifetime investment. Most of all get a great stone. Size is a judgment call but you want her to enjoy making the light dance on her finger as she plays with it.

It is also the one piece of jewelry she can almost always wear. My wife rarely has settings in which to wear her fancy Pearl necklace but always has her nice ring.

Another way to set the ring apart is to have a more stylish or ornate wedding band. So many people get a gigantic engagement ring and then add a basic band to it. Some omit the band altogether. I decided to get matching wedding band which interlocked with the engagement ring.

Fair enough...thanks. I'll archive this for later (if it all works out).

 

[NewYorkBuck]

Get her something you will be proud of in ten years. It doesn't need to be over the top but it should be a quality lifetime investment. Most of all get a great stone. Size is a judgment call but you want her to enjoy making the light dance on her finger as she plays with it.

It is also the one piece of jewelry she can almost always wear. My wife rarely has settings in which to wear her fancy necklace but always has her nice ring.

Another way to set the ring apart is to have a more stylish or ornate wedding band. So many people get a gigantic engagement ring and then add a basic band to it. Some omit the band altogether. I decided to get matching wedding band which interlocked with the engagement ring.

I agree on this. I came here for some advice when I got engaged and got some great advice. See a post in said thread from LordJeffBuck - great stuff.

 

[FCollinsBuckeye]

My advice, on top of getting married outside of sports season to avoid annual rate conflicts....

Don't skimp on the photography.

Nice try, Professional Photographer.

:p

 

[jwinslow]

Nice try, Professional Photographer.

:p

I was waiting for that. I do weddings pretty infrequently, but it kills me when I see friends and family dropping big bucks on all of the 1-day investments and then cutting corners with photographers. So many horror stories on that front.

We almost had our own, the photographer had a great portfolio and took good photos. He sent us a CD of originals to pick our favorites, then he fell off the face of the map. He never gave a single print to her parents (who paid big bucks for him). Six months later his mother was sending out letters to keep the lawsuits at bay, citing an accident, whiplash and depression as the reason for the delays. Thing was, he continued to do new photo shoots so clearly he was able to accept money for weddings. At least we had the CD to make copies with.

Looking back the food didn't matter at all. The decorations were nice but I was too busy to enjoy most of them.

A great location, dress & great photos were what made the wedding. The first two can be had on a budget as well. The decorations were very nice but the only ones I care about are the few big pieces that we brought home and still use in our house.

 

[Best Buckeye]

I agree with those who said to let her do all the planning. If she asks you which one you like tell her it's really hard to choose and "which one does she like" or
Something like " I like this cuz it's blue but I like the other one too".
If she asks if "this makes her look fat" then stuff your mouth full of food and start choking or have a long coughing fit.

 

[exhawg]

I agree with the photographer. Everyone that I know that saved money on the photographer went on to regret it. We paid a lot more that I wanted to, but loved our pictures.

Also make sure you get the copyright for the photos. Some places won't let you get prints unless you have that.

 

[jlb1705]

I agree with the photographer. Everyone that I know that saved money on the photographer went on to regret it. We paid a lot more that I wanted to, but loved our pictures.

Also make sure you get the copyright for the photos. Some places won't let you get prints unless you have that.

Definitely agree with this. This is the one thing that I really got involved with for my wedding, and I was prepared to spend top dollar on if necessary.

The photographer is the one vender that's going to be with you nearly from start to finish on that day. The right one will make a lot of things go much more smoothly. A bad photographer will not only leave you with bad photos or not enough of them, but they can also cause your significant a lot of extra stress the day-of. Hire somebody that will do a good job and that you can stand to spend several hours with.

Interview them, look at samples, and ask them precisely what the do and do not include in whatever packages are in your price range. Don't sign a contract for anything that doesn't release the copyright to you for all of the full-res digital images after a certain amount of time or after a certain amount purchased.

Beyond that - the biggest thing I feel like I did to help with my wedding is keeping my mother-in-law off of my wife's case. There were certain things that my wife wanted to include or exclude for the wedding or reception that my mother-in-law didn't like. A couple times that meant we paid for something small so her mom wouldn't play "I paid for it" card on her. Other times it was was just helping my wife gather courage to say no to something that her mom wanted.

 

[TDunk]

How old are the two of you?

I'm 33 and she's 26.

My advice, on top of getting married outside of sports season to avoid annual rate conflicts.... May in 2014. No conflicts.

Don't skimp on the photography. You enjoy the flowers, food, decorations once. You look at the photos for a lifetime and many couples fill their houses and their relatives houses with them. They also make great presents for poor newly weds . $2500 for a photographer she and her sister spent a month looking for. Her sister is an avid photographer and knew what to look for.

Take a more active role in planning the honeymoon. Unlike the one day party most ladies do not get too hung up on minute details for that. If you pick a great trip you also may be setting up return vacations.

That's something I will have an opinion on, good advice.

 

[Crump's brother]

I'm 33 and she's 26.

I only asked for a point of reference. When I was married, I was 31, my ex was 24.

The one thing I would do again is my suit. Instead of renting a tux, I had a black suit tailored. It ended up being about 150 more than a rental, but I figured I'd always need a nice black suit for formal events-other weddings, funerals, job interviews, Franz Ferdinand concerts...

 

[Fungo Squiggly]

Any and all advice with dealing with a woman who has marriage on the brain? We've been engaged for 3 months and she has been pretty good about not involving me in crap I don't care about. But I do want to stick a dildo up pinterests ass. Some weird ideas have come up, but she is rational with most wedding concepts.

Besides the "run" advice, any tips from seasoned vets?

Yes - ignore everything you've read here (except the photographer posts) and sit down with your wife-to-be and have an honest & open conversation about her expectations regarding the wedding. Find out what she wants and tell her what you want. Tell her what is important to you, ask what is important to her. Be honest.

If nothing else, it's great practice for future serious conversations you may have to have. :)

Everyone's relationship is different - don't define your relationship around what everyone else does. (Seriously, don't treat your wife like I treat mine - chances are, your wife isn't nearly as saintly & patient as mine is. )

Oh, and get a good photographer.

 

[Fungo Squiggly]

I only asked for a point of reference. When I was married, I was 31, my ex was 24.

Tammy I or Tammy II?