Don't That Beat All? Spit-Shining in Seattle

[sandgk]

What is your favorite use for that old-fashioned purveyor of current affairs and car ads - the city newspaper?

The fellow in this story, Michael Williamson has consistently used a folded or rolled up edition of the local rag as a cover while he spanks his monkey on the Seattle transit - in the article cited there are some classic lines.
According to Seattle Detective DiTusa that paper has more use than just covering up public self-gratification, marijuana concealment and adjustment of a hernia are all good applications of the Seattle Weekly. (Williamson's cover story of choice it seems).

When arrested at his home on Airport Way South last month, the 49-year-old Williamson said he's indeed a regular newspaper reader?or at least newspaper user. "He uses it to hide his pelvis when he has to scratch inside his pants, push on his hernia, or hide his marijuana," wrote Ditusa. "All of which he must do on the inside of his pants. He may at times have to unzip his pants to do so." (Full disclosure: Williams said in his statement that the Weekly was his paper of choice.) He's being held in King County Jail on a charge of felony indecent exposure.

Williamson began his obsessive sperm-spattered road to public masturbator #1 with big goals in mind.

Like many traditional lovers of newsprint, Williamson shows an unwillingness to alter lifelong habits. At age 14, he says, he picked up masturbating in the hopes of increasing his genital size?"I was trying to get this huge thing to make me a tough guy"?and has hardly had a break since. "I have this compulsive disorder," he says. "I can't stop."

Thankfully Seattle Weekly most faithful abuser can lean on some common sense legal advice from an earlier conviction, as he approaches trial.

His lawyer's advice in that trial, as Williamson recalls it in his appeal, was to keep his hands on the stand when giving testimony. That way, the lawyer told him, "the jury would not think that I was trying to touch myself."

Of course you may want to know if Williamson is still eager to get some undercover action when released, or is he a spent force?

Williamson says now that being jailed for a month has killed his sex drive, and proves it by looking disinterestedly at two women sitting in the visiting room. "A couple months ago, that's all that would be on my mind," he says. Now, "I'm in jail, but I'm free."

Well, there we have it, Williamson is now officially a stand-up guy! :tongue2: