BuckShots
Banned
Hello Buckeye Friends and Family-<O:p</O:p
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So, after a much needed week of detox and brain cell rest- Its time again for the weekly rant…So, I thought I would cover a bevy of topics since we had a bye week. First of all, 4 fumbles by Troy Smith and we still put up over 500 yards in total offense? Are you freaking kidding me? I mean don’t get me wrong, I know nothing about being a quarterback…..For that matter I know nothing about being a black athlete. Ya’know except for not smiling when I get my picture taken. However, I will tell you what I do know for sure- I have always wondered what it would be like to have the powers of a Wonder Twin. (Form of Eva Longoria’s bra) Anyway- back to the game- Our linebackers and defensive fronts made the Iowa offense look more confused than a class of deaf/mute students playing Marco Polo at the Gahanna Public pool. Honestly- I thought that the clitoris was Nature’s Rubik’s Cube, but after seeing the multiple shifts and blind coverage, OSU Defense wins the title!
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So, on to the blessings that we saw- besides, of course, the fellowship that we shared on Saturday with our friends and family. By “Fellowship”, I am not talking about aptly named Gay Bar in German Village. It would be just a little odd to thank the lord for a nautically themed gay bar. However, if that is your bag- you may run into that new sports caster from channel 10- Dan Fronczak! That boy is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents from his childhood. Hey- not trying to be a basher here! Except for the fact that they have turned our Navy into a floating joke and ruined names like Lance, Todd, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had!!! Also- I am not trying to take a right-winged religious tone here. Seriously- the bible is an amazing read- lions eating Christians, hookers getting stoned, magic tricks, people nailing each other to 2x4’s… Seriously, you thought those Harry Potter books were great books. Hey look- I am not a bad guy here- I work hard, love my son and give to charity-Why should I spend half my Sunday listening to how I am going to hell. Besides, my friend Seth is working the door and my friend Bill is the Cruise Director.<O:p</O:p
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Ok- Ok I suppose I should move on to a different topic. I am spending the week getting ready to make the journey to Happy Valley, PA to watch our beloved Bucks hammer the Penn State Nittney Lions. Ahhhh Pennsylvania- The place where they think sexy lingerie is a flannel nightie and tube socks. Hey look, on a normal weekend I would just assume asphyxiate myself like that boy from INXS, than go to Pennsylvania- However, in this case I have absolutely no choice- 28’ brand new RV, a group of friends and a road trip….This should be more fun than the time I took 2 viagras, a percocet, drank a bottle of Maker’s Mark and thought that I was Larry from Three’s Company for a week. My poor sweet neighbors! Nothing worse than a guy running door to door in a bathrobe proclaiming to have two Swedish flight attendants in the hot tub drinking a bottle of bubbly- looking for a “good time”. (Which of course turned out to be my two dogs Cushman and Belle- please don’t call the Humane Society) On a good note- I made everyone’s favorite local HER realtor (T. Goodman) VERY happy that week. I have never seen so many red and white signs in my life. She has been asking me to move into different neighborhoods ever since!<O:p</O:p
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Back on track- Penn State under the fleeting leadership or Joe Pa- His program is kind of like all of the Police Academy movies….Just not that good at all, except for the guy that makes all the funny sound effects….oh that guy was awesome. “Bleep, Bloop, Grrrrrrr, squish, squish” …Where was I? Oh yea- Stay in school, don’t do drugs, and don’t trust Whitey! Ohio State 24-Penn State 20!<O:p></O:p>
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I leave you all with a quote Jeremy Grey from Wedding Crashers- “I apologize if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation called dating. I don’t like the feeling. Your always wondering, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, is she interested. When do I kiss her? Do I wait for the door? Do you do like the ass-out hug, not trying to get too close. All the time wondering when are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a game called “just the tip”. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or- ouch, ouch, you’re on my hair.”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
Go Bucks!<O:p</O:p
Coach D.<O:p</O:p
Aka Dennis J.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
So, after a much needed week of detox and brain cell rest- Its time again for the weekly rant…So, I thought I would cover a bevy of topics since we had a bye week. First of all, 4 fumbles by Troy Smith and we still put up over 500 yards in total offense? Are you freaking kidding me? I mean don’t get me wrong, I know nothing about being a quarterback…..For that matter I know nothing about being a black athlete. Ya’know except for not smiling when I get my picture taken. However, I will tell you what I do know for sure- I have always wondered what it would be like to have the powers of a Wonder Twin. (Form of Eva Longoria’s bra) Anyway- back to the game- Our linebackers and defensive fronts made the Iowa offense look more confused than a class of deaf/mute students playing Marco Polo at the Gahanna Public pool. Honestly- I thought that the clitoris was Nature’s Rubik’s Cube, but after seeing the multiple shifts and blind coverage, OSU Defense wins the title!
<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
So, on to the blessings that we saw- besides, of course, the fellowship that we shared on Saturday with our friends and family. By “Fellowship”, I am not talking about aptly named Gay Bar in German Village. It would be just a little odd to thank the lord for a nautically themed gay bar. However, if that is your bag- you may run into that new sports caster from channel 10- Dan Fronczak! That boy is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents from his childhood. Hey- not trying to be a basher here! Except for the fact that they have turned our Navy into a floating joke and ruined names like Lance, Todd, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had!!! Also- I am not trying to take a right-winged religious tone here. Seriously- the bible is an amazing read- lions eating Christians, hookers getting stoned, magic tricks, people nailing each other to 2x4’s… Seriously, you thought those Harry Potter books were great books. Hey look- I am not a bad guy here- I work hard, love my son and give to charity-Why should I spend half my Sunday listening to how I am going to hell. Besides, my friend Seth is working the door and my friend Bill is the Cruise Director.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
Ok- Ok I suppose I should move on to a different topic. I am spending the week getting ready to make the journey to Happy Valley, PA to watch our beloved Bucks hammer the Penn State Nittney Lions. Ahhhh Pennsylvania- The place where they think sexy lingerie is a flannel nightie and tube socks. Hey look, on a normal weekend I would just assume asphyxiate myself like that boy from INXS, than go to Pennsylvania- However, in this case I have absolutely no choice- 28’ brand new RV, a group of friends and a road trip….This should be more fun than the time I took 2 viagras, a percocet, drank a bottle of Maker’s Mark and thought that I was Larry from Three’s Company for a week. My poor sweet neighbors! Nothing worse than a guy running door to door in a bathrobe proclaiming to have two Swedish flight attendants in the hot tub drinking a bottle of bubbly- looking for a “good time”. (Which of course turned out to be my two dogs Cushman and Belle- please don’t call the Humane Society) On a good note- I made everyone’s favorite local HER realtor (T. Goodman) VERY happy that week. I have never seen so many red and white signs in my life. She has been asking me to move into different neighborhoods ever since!<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
Back on track- Penn State under the fleeting leadership or Joe Pa- His program is kind of like all of the Police Academy movies….Just not that good at all, except for the guy that makes all the funny sound effects….oh that guy was awesome. “Bleep, Bloop, Grrrrrrr, squish, squish” …Where was I? Oh yea- Stay in school, don’t do drugs, and don’t trust Whitey! Ohio State 24-Penn State 20!<O:p></O:p>
<O:p</O:p
I leave you all with a quote Jeremy Grey from Wedding Crashers- “I apologize if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation called dating. I don’t like the feeling. Your always wondering, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, is she interested. When do I kiss her? Do I wait for the door? Do you do like the ass-out hug, not trying to get too close. All the time wondering when are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a game called “just the tip”. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or- ouch, ouch, you’re on my hair.”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
Go Bucks!<O:p</O:p
Coach D.<O:p</O:p
Aka Dennis J.<O:p</O:p
??????? YET AGAIN. ???????? 
