OSUBasketballJunkie
Never Forget 31-0
ABJ
Ineptitude downright offensive
By Tom Reed
Things I would rather do than watch the Browns offense on any given Sunday:
Hang drywall. Rake leaves. Answer Donald Rumsfeld's fan mail. Sweep the chimney. Match wits with Paris Hilton. Be the North Korean lackey who tells Kim Jung Il, ``Your Excellency, those glasses and hairdo make you look like a woman.''
Find Waldo. Solve algebra story problems. Sit in the living room of Terrell Owens' publicist each night and ask, ``Honey, how was your day?''
Is there anything more exasperating on the Cleveland sports scene than the Browns offense? I'm one Lawrence Vickers' halfback pass away from spending my Sundays watching Lifetime. Man laws be damned.
The Browns have the NFL's best overall special teams. The defense, its ravaged secondary aside, is deserving of at least two more wins (Carolina, Baltimore).
The offense, however, has made sure the Browns have earned their 1-4 record heading into the bye week. The Browns are ranked second to last in total NFL offense, behind only the Oakland Raiders.
Here is the most frustrating aspect. There is no single reason for this ineptitude.
Offensive coordinator Maurice Carthon is bad. The offensive line is worse. Quarterback Charlie Frye is courageous and athletic but prone to big mistakes. Dennis Northcutt needs to make a guest appearance on Nip/Tuck and have his Quincy Morgan surgically implanted hands removed.
Coach Romeo Crennel said Monday that lineup changes are possible. He also didn't rule out tinkering with his coaching staff.
``We're going to evaluate that, and we'll see what happens,'' Crennel said.
Demoting Carthon and allowing assistant head coach Jeff Davidson to call plays would meet little resistance from this corner, or likely many in the Browns' locker room.
Carthon's latest bolt of genius had the Browns running a third-quarter halfback pass for their rookie fullback Vickers on a third-and-inches from the Carolina 21. The pass intended for Kellen Winslow fell incomplete and drew a holding penalty. They settled for a field goal when a touchdown was needed en route to a 20-12 loss.
Poor Vickers also was involved in several bizarre play calls in the opening-day setback to the New Orleans Saints.
I'd tell the maligned Carthon to return to his drawing board, but I fear it's in Wile E. Coyote's cave.
Crennel's loyalty to his second-year assistant is admirable. What about Crennel's responsibility to his players, however? Isn't he supposed to give them the best possible chance to win? Curious play calls and questionable personnel groupings (Where was Joe Jurevicius on Sunday?) compromise the players' trust in the coach.
Of course, the best offensive minds in football might struggle to find the end zone with the current blockers. Teamsters' picket lines are more impenetrable than the Browns' offensive line.
Is it Carthon's fault the Browns can't keep Frye upright in the face of a four-man rush? Only Daunte Culpepper (21) and Jon Kitna (19) have been sacked more than Frye (16). And who's ultimately in charge of the offensive line? Jeff Davidson, the man we want promoted to coordinator. Ugh.
Frye hardly escapes blame. You love his guts, tenacity and overachieving story, but is the University of Akron product the long-term answer at quarterback? It's hard to know. Several of his league-high nine interceptions are the result of dropped passes such as the one to Northcutt that resulted in a Panthers' first-quarter touchdown.
The second-year quarterback is guilty of holding the ball too long and occasionally forcing plays that are as outlandish as some of the ones called by Carthon.
Frye didn't enjoy the benefit of a preseason working with Winslow and Braylon Edwards, who were rehabbing injuries. Winslow and Edwards are the Browns' best playmakers since the franchise's 1999 return, but they have committed their share of mistakes.
Add it all up and you have an offense deserving of its dubious ranking. Now if you'll excuse me, I have leaves to rake.
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