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gregorylee
I'd rather be napping!!
Sardo telling me that Al Mascarpone didn't payoff Robiola Lombardia to lose the Sage Derby?
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Taosman
Your Cousin In New Mexxico
This thread stinks......... <TABLE style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" borderColor=#111111 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=2 border=0><TBODY>[FONT=verdana, geneva, helvetica]<TR><TD align=middle></TD></TR><TR><TD align=middle></TD><TD align=middle>
Gas Mask Cartman
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Gas Mask Cartman
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Taosman
Your Cousin In New Mexxico
Fast cheese? <TABLE height=39 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=717 align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD align=middle width=336>
</TD><TD width=381>[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]Terry LaBonte's No. 5 Chevrolet carved from 3,500 pounds of yellow cheddar cheese for the American Dairy Association at the Nascar race at Richmond International Raceway.
The car measures 5 feet high, 12 feet long and 6 feet wide.[/FONT]
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The car measures 5 feet high, 12 feet long and 6 feet wide.[/FONT]
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Taosman
Your Cousin In New Mexxico
Cheesus! <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=700 align=center bgColor=#ffffff border=0><TBODY><TR><TD colSpan=8>
<MAP name=Map><AREA shape=POLY coords=590,101,630,92,665,96,691,112,687,137,682,184,613,184,591,171,581,116 href="mailto:[email protected]"><AREA shape=POLY coords="" href="#"><AREA title="back to the Black Table" shape=POLY target=_self alt="back to the Black Table" coords=1,55,526,5,698,2,698,76,1,144 href="index.html"></MAP></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top><TD class=bodycopy width=150></TD><TD class=bodycopy width=5></TD><TD class=bodycopy width=190></TD><TD class=bodycopy width=5></TD><TD class=bodycopy width=5></TD><TD class=bodycopy width=190></TD><TD class=bodycopy width=5></TD><TD class=bodycopy width=150></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top><TD width=150 height=2></TD><TD class=topheadline colSpan=6 height=2>YOUR OWN PERSONAL JESUS TOAST.</TD><TD width=150 height=2></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top><TD width=150 height=2></TD><TD class=byline width=200 colSpan=3 height=2>By Eric Gillin </TD><TD class=byline width=200 colSpan=3 height=2>
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</TD><TD width=150></TD></TR><TR vAlign=top><TD width=150 height=2336></TD><TD class=bodycopy colSpan=6 height=2336>We all know the story by now. Ten years ago, a jewelry designer named Diana Duyser made a grilled cheese sandwich while working on some drawings. She took a bite, marvelled at its cheesy goodness, then had an epiphany: Her sandwich looked like the Virgin Mary!
Duyser, presumably no longer hungry after her brush with the Virgin Mother, hid the sandwich in a box for a decade, where it miraculously grew zero mold. Eventually, for reasons only known to Duyser, she unveiled it to the world, which went crazy for her little Grilled Cheese effagy. So crazy, in fact, that the Antigua-based casino GoldenPalace.com, best known for drawing its name on the backs of sweaty men who pummel the shit out of each other, bought it for $28,000 on eBay.
That's a lot of money for a grilled cheese sandwich. To level the playing field, an enterprising man named Christopher Curry is selling his Blessed Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Creation Kit on eBay ... with a bid of $3,500.
Since we here at The Black Table know that you lack $28,000 for a randomly occurring piece of religious sandwich, or even $3,500 to recreate the miracle in the privacy of your own home, we conducted a test to make our own. Here's how we did it.
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12.02.04
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Duyser, presumably no longer hungry after her brush with the Virgin Mother, hid the sandwich in a box for a decade, where it miraculously grew zero mold. Eventually, for reasons only known to Duyser, she unveiled it to the world, which went crazy for her little Grilled Cheese effagy. So crazy, in fact, that the Antigua-based casino GoldenPalace.com, best known for drawing its name on the backs of sweaty men who pummel the shit out of each other, bought it for $28,000 on eBay.
That's a lot of money for a grilled cheese sandwich. To level the playing field, an enterprising man named Christopher Curry is selling his Blessed Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Creation Kit on eBay ... with a bid of $3,500.
Since we here at The Black Table know that you lack $28,000 for a randomly occurring piece of religious sandwich, or even $3,500 to recreate the miracle in the privacy of your own home, we conducted a test to make our own. Here's how we did it.
Step One: Get Bread, Get Butter, Get Crazy.
For those of you who are new to Earth, this is a picture of bread and butter. You probably have this stuff in your fridge. It's all you need to make millions and millions of dollars making fake Jesuses.
For those of you who are new to Earth, this is a picture of bread and butter. You probably have this stuff in your fridge. It's all you need to make millions and millions of dollars making fake Jesuses.
Step Two: What Up Jesus? You My Home Slice.
This is a slice of bread, which, at some point must have been some kind of modern marvel, hence the phrase "greatest thing since sliced bread." This, clearly, makes absolutely no sense today and leaves you with a suspicious feeling about a society that placed such a high cultural premium on properly sliced bread.
This is a slice of bread, which, at some point must have been some kind of modern marvel, hence the phrase "greatest thing since sliced bread." This, clearly, makes absolutely no sense today and leaves you with a suspicious feeling about a society that placed such a high cultural premium on properly sliced bread.
Step Three: The Face of God, In Butter.
Carefully cut little slices of butter and arrange them to make the face of The Messiah, making sure to focus on the crucial beard/mullet areas. Inadvertenty note that "Jesus has a butterface" and immediately feel such tremendous guilt that you break down and pray. Very good, my son.
Carefully cut little slices of butter and arrange them to make the face of The Messiah, making sure to focus on the crucial beard/mullet areas. Inadvertenty note that "Jesus has a butterface" and immediately feel such tremendous guilt that you break down and pray. Very good, my son.
Step Four: Put Jesus in the Toaster Oven.
To go from "breakfast" to "breakfast miracle," slide Jesus into the toaster oven and flip the switch. This doesn't work as well in one of those old-timey, top-loadey toasters because Jesus catches on fire and burns down your apartment, which isn't the kind of "closeness to God" you had in mind.
To go from "breakfast" to "breakfast miracle," slide Jesus into the toaster oven and flip the switch. This doesn't work as well in one of those old-timey, top-loadey toasters because Jesus catches on fire and burns down your apartment, which isn't the kind of "closeness to God" you had in mind.
Step Five: Jeeee-licious!
It's Jesus on your toast! Sure, this could also be Johnny Damon or Rupert from Survivor, but that doesn't matter -- your toast has a Shroud of Turin mysterious iconic look about it that will get those eBay bidders freaking out.
It's Jesus on your toast! Sure, this could also be Johnny Damon or Rupert from Survivor, but that doesn't matter -- your toast has a Shroud of Turin mysterious iconic look about it that will get those eBay bidders freaking out.
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Taosman
Your Cousin In New Mexxico
Warning...Rerun!
My Fuzzy Blue Velveeta
<HR align=center width="25%">Tune: "The Great Ship Titanic" (Unknown)
The kids were all a-screamin' for some lunch -- or was it snack?
There was Dave and Pablo, Bob and Ray, Katherine, Jill, and Mac,
after whom chimed in the others: Suzy, Jacky, and Conchita,
So I went and got my fuzzy blue Velveeta.
A few adults and children are the only ones who're able
to stomach and survive a toasted whole-wheat pita
filled with my fuzzy blue Velveeta.
Perhaps it was the work of an engineered gene.
All we know is our enemies will always be defeata
if forced-fed my fuzzy blue Velveeta.
Classic!
My Fuzzy Blue Velveeta
<HR align=center width="25%">Tune: "The Great Ship Titanic" (Unknown)
The kids were all a-screamin' for some lunch -- or was it snack?
There was Dave and Pablo, Bob and Ray, Katherine, Jill, and Mac,
after whom chimed in the others: Suzy, Jacky, and Conchita,
So I went and got my fuzzy blue Velveeta.
(Chorus:)
We don't know how it was done,
'cause Velveeta doesn't spoil. (Not even in the sun!)
Those folks at Kraft are clever, they've really got it made
with cheese that doesn't ... biodegrade.
It's sealed tight in the fridge, with "Toxic" on the label. We don't know how it was done,
'cause Velveeta doesn't spoil. (Not even in the sun!)
Those folks at Kraft are clever, they've really got it made
with cheese that doesn't ... biodegrade.
A few adults and children are the only ones who're able
to stomach and survive a toasted whole-wheat pita
filled with my fuzzy blue Velveeta.
(Chorus)
Maybe 'twas a chemist with an enzyme never seen,
Perhaps it was the work of an engineered gene.
All we know is our enemies will always be defeata
if forced-fed my fuzzy blue Velveeta.
Classic!
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