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A Canadian replies................

15 Reasons Canada is better than your country

As a rule, none of the Cracked bloggers talk at great length about themselves. Sure we add a few touches here and there to make certain articles funnier or more relatable, but these items are almost always exaggerated, if not outright fictions. For example, reading many of Dan?s posts, you wouldn?t picture him as an elderly Chinese woman, which he most assuredly is. This policy was put in place long ago by our editors, partly to keep the blog relevant to as wide an audience as possible, and also partly due to a healthy fear of the stalkers and readers with lurking-themed criminal records who realistically make up the bulk of said audience.
As a consequence, most of our regular readers won?t be aware of the fact that I?m Canadian, and Cracked.com?s official ?Overseas Correspondent.? The reason I don?t talk about it much is because it honestly isn?t that amusing. It turns out that all of the funny Canadian jokes have already been told, and in retrospect, they weren?t that funny to begin with, e.g, we all say ?aboot,? we?re all unfailingly polite, and we all live in igloos, hur hur hur. Also, we unnecessarily add ?U?s to perfectly good words like colour, neighbour and couck-sucker.
I bring up my shameful northern heritage today because it?s Canada Day, our nation?s birthday. Canada Day is just like your Independence Day, except it?s about 3 days earlier, and we never had a movie made about it where Bill Pullman plays the President. (Nice one, Hollywood.) So, because I?ve been drunk all weekend and don?t know what else is going on in the world, and also to further Americo-Canadio relations on the Internet, here I present several facts about our country, which as far as I know, are basically correct:
___
Canada became a country in 1867 when we filled in the proper forms with the British government.
Our national animal is the beaver. It was chosen as a symbol of our country?s glory for its ability to soar majestically over the landscape on its wide tail.
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police is Canada?s national police force, which along with providing basic local law enforcement duties, also fulfills similar roles to all those American agencies with the letters, like the FBI, DEA and TGI Friday?s.
Due to the tilt of the Earth?s axis, and our northern latitude, during the winter months Canada actually travels backwards in time several days.
The Canadian accent is actually much milder than most Americans imagine, and many Canadians live and work amongst Americans undetected, constantly gathering hair samples.
Yes, hockey is still quite a big deal up here. You should really give it a chance sometime. It?s fast paced and hard-hitting and oh [censored] it? I can?t do it any more. Hockey sucks. We admit it.
You can not catch HIV from sitting on a Canadian.
Re: hockey. I?m not kidding. This past season I watched almost no hockey, and it was great. You know what?s better than watching hockey for three hours? [censored]ing anything.
Canada is a constitutional monarchy, which technically means we have to obey the Queen if she orders us to do something. It?s mainly a symbolic thing however, as she rarely exercises the privilege - the last time being in 1978 when she ordered us to execute Gordon Lightfoot.
Measured by landmass, Canada is the second most obese country in the world, after Russia.
The name Canada is derived from the native word ?Kanata,? meaning ?village.? This name was chosen over the protests of early explorer John Shortcock, who wanting to name it after his wife, lobbied strongly for the name ?Mrs. Shortcockland.?
The thing is we?re just no good at sports that involve balls. Football, baseball, soccer, golf, you name it, we suck at it. Anything involving something vaguely spherical in fact. Hot Air Ballooning? Don?t even [censored]ing talk to me about Hot Air Ballooning.
Canada is the home of many great inventions, like the electric light bulb, the television, the telephone, and intellectual property theft.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/15-reasons-canada-is-better-than-your-country/
 
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What? Canada doesn't have a military of it's own?
They have never fought in wars?
Sounds like some revisionist history. You need to do a little more reading on the facts there big boy. :tongue2:
 
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Taosman;1452676; said:
What? Canada doesn't have a military of it's own?
They have never fought in wars?
Sounds lie some revisionist history. You need to do a little more reading on the facts there big boy. :tongue2:

The fact is if anyone invaded either Mexico or Canada, they'd have to deal with the U.S., immediately. That's what's holding them back. Not Canada's "military". :lol:
 
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The facts speak otherwise.

Defense Spending
Data Up to 2009;
CIA World Factbook; Wikipedia
.​
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]United States of America[/FONT]
united-states-of-america.gif
$515,400,000,000....
2009[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]France[/FONT]
france.gif
$61,571,330,000....
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]China[/FONT]
china.gif
$59,000,000,000....
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]United Kingdom[/FONT]
united-kingdom.gif
$53,148,770,000
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Germany[/FONT]
germany.gif
$45,930,000,000
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Japan[/FONT]
japan.gif
$44,300,000,000
2005[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Russia[/FONT]
russia.gif
$43,200,000,000....
2009[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Canada[/FONT]
canada.gif
$19,500,000,000
 
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Taosman;1452680; said:
The facts speak otherwise.

Defense Spending
Data Up to 2009;
CIA World Factbook; Wikipedia
.​
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]United States of America[/FONT]
united-states-of-america.gif
$515,400,000,000....
2009[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]France[/FONT]
france.gif
$61,571,330,000....
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]China[/FONT]
china.gif
$59,000,000,000....
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]United Kingdom[/FONT]
united-kingdom.gif
$53,148,770,000
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Germany[/FONT]
germany.gif
$45,930,000,000
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Japan[/FONT]
japan.gif
$44,300,000,000
2005[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Russia[/FONT]
russia.gif
$43,200,000,000....
2009[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Canada[/FONT]
canada.gif
$19,500,000,000

Seventh and eighth is sperated by 24 billion.
 
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Taosman;1452680; said:
The facts speak otherwise.

Defense Spending
Data Up to 2009;
CIA World Factbook; Wikipedia
.​
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]United States of America[/FONT]
united-states-of-america.gif
$515,400,000,000....
2009[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]France[/FONT]
france.gif
$61,571,330,000....
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]China[/FONT]
china.gif
$59,000,000,000....
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]United Kingdom[/FONT]
united-kingdom.gif
$53,148,770,000
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Germany[/FONT]
germany.gif
$45,930,000,000
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Japan[/FONT]
japan.gif
$44,300,000,000
2005[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Russia[/FONT]
russia.gif
$43,200,000,000....
2009[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Canada[/FONT]
canada.gif
$19,500,000,000

Taos, what "fact" are you supporting with this data. By my calculations, the USA spends $495,900,000,000 more on defense spending than Canada does.

Or put another way, it would take Canada about 26.5 years of defense spending at their current level, to equal what the USA spends in one (1) year.
 
Upvote 0
Taosman;1452680; said:
The facts speak otherwise.

Defense Spending
Data Up to 2009;
CIA World Factbook; Wikipedia
.​
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]United States of America[/FONT]
united-states-of-america.gif
$515,400,000,000....
2009[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]France[/FONT]
france.gif
$61,571,330,000....
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]China[/FONT]
china.gif
$59,000,000,000....
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]United Kingdom[/FONT]
united-kingdom.gif
$53,148,770,000
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Germany[/FONT]
germany.gif
$45,930,000,000
2008[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Japan[/FONT]
japan.gif
$44,300,000,000
2005[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Russia[/FONT]
russia.gif
$43,200,000,000....
2009[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Canada[/FONT]
canada.gif
$19,500,000,000

ItsATrap-Preview.png
 
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buckiprof;1452693; said:
Taos, what "fact" are you supporting with this data. By my calculations, the USA spends $495,900,000,000 more on defense spending than Canada does.

Or put another way, it would take Canada about 26.5 years of defense spending at their current level, to equal what the USA spends in one (1) year.

While our defense spending leads the world(our spending looks seriously out of wack), it is wrong to assume that Canada is dependent on the US for "protection".
The point your missing(or ignoring) is that in the world picture, Canada has one of the largest militaries.
 
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Taosman;1452893; said:
While our defense spending leads the world(our spending looks seriously out of wack), it is wrong to assume that Canada is dependent on the US for "protection".
The point your missing(or ignoring) is that in the world picture, Canada has one of the largest militaries.
Oh Bullsh it Taos the whole wrold has known for 50 or 60 years that the Canadians have had a smaller military and spent less just because we are so close
 
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