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Anyone need a new router table? (funny eBay auction)

I don't know - this is real funny shit.

This table comes with no warranty from me. I never bothered to try to take it back, even though it was under warranty because I was so ticked off that I knew I would create a scene when I threw it through the front window of Home Depot. So it sat in my basement for a few months, and now you have the opportunity to own this piece of scrap. If someone had some time they could probably work on it a bit and make it into something that's functional. Like a doorstop or maybe a paperweight. But it will need some more work before it's that good.

I accept paypal, cashiers check or money order. Shipping quoted is parcel post. If for some reason you would want to receive your misery faster I can do that ask me for a quote.

ADDED 3/22/04 - I've received some emails, and yes I am willing to set it on fire, shoot it full of holes, etc. and mail pics/video to you. If the bid gets high enough to cover my ammo costs, I'd be willing to shoot it full of holes with your choice of the following: 12 gage slugs, 00 buck, or a 40 round mag from an AK. Then I can make a pile of the remains, douse it in gasoline, make the Wile-E-Coyote trail of gas dribbles for my safety, and light it on fire. The winning bidder would get pics if they so choose. Or I can ship it to you. I could even ship you the charred remains if you like. Hey man I just hate it. Let me know. Whatever trips your trigger.

ADDED 3/23/04 - Yes I can drive over it with something. I can drive over it with a Massey Ferguson 620 CI diesel powered tractor.

On Mar-24-04 at 09:06:41 PST, seller added the following information:

For those who are interested, the bottle does carry a $0.10 Michigan deposit, and it's pre printed for the other standard deposits for other states ($0.05). So yeah it's like a huge bonus, worth hundreds of times what the table is worth. Remember - I'm throwing that in for free!

On Mar-24-04 at 20:59:57 PST, seller added the following information:

Yes the beer bottle is a "double deuce" or a 22 oz ish beer bottle. Actually it's a Miller Lite 24 oz beer bottle, so that makes it extra rare. From what I hear there was only somewhere around 42 million of them made this year, so get yours fast! I suppose it has some additional extra value from a scrap weight aspect, but I think the deposit is the same. Collector's value had got to be in the hundreds if not thousands of Turkish Liras.

No unfortunately I don't know of any women that are willing to fire the guns naked and send you the pics. If I did I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this auction, that's for sure.

The tractor is basically a huge articulating tractor with dual wheels on each corner. It weighs somewhere around a gajillion pounds. It's about six times the size of the largest general motors product you can think of. It's big. It might take me a couple of weeks to get video etc but yeah I'll send it to you. Pics/video will be complete with firearms, Ryobi arson and all the profanity you desire, whatever you want. Again - for christ's sake the next bid is $0.02, and I'm willing to do all this crap for a penny - the video's got to be worth $5!!!!!! Bid and tell me what you want!!!!

On Mar-25-04 at 19:08:08 PST, seller added the following information:

I will ship free to France as long as they surrender. It doesn't matter who they surrender to, it could be Australia, Bruce Willis, or even McDonalds. But if they surrender before this auction ends free shipping to France!

Also- Free shipping to any US military base (Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Venezuela, Selfridge Air force Base, etc) upon the following conditions: The person receiving the router table send clear pictures/video back of the table being destroyed by superior force, i.e. tank shelling, hellfire missile attack, shooting sheet with an anti-aircraft gun, or some sort of awesome display of military power, or even a pic of their whole company dancing around a bonfire which contains the router table. Three Cheers to the US Military / Coast / National Guard! I'll drink to that.

On Mar-26-04 at 05:18:33 PST, seller added the following information:

Could I see a picture of it actually ripping something out of someones hand and tossing it to the other side of the room?
Or better yet an arm off or something?

Sure. Buy it, and have someone videotape you using it. Eventually someone's going to lose an appendage.
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