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Who in God's name are you people? Are there no real Presidents anymore?

Well, that escalated quickly.

How can any of my peers watch 21st century debauchery and say nothing? Sure I'd rail Miss Lewinsky in her holiest of holies, not to mention Dolly, but...on second thought...God bless the 21st century.

Perhaps my support of the women's suffrage movement was a regrettable decision.

Don't you think it's beyond time for you to come out of the closet, James? We all know what a "bachelor" was in the 19th century.

There is a thread where I'm sure Mr. Tyler's achievement would be greatly appreciated by some, while mocked by others. The former Presidents for usernames.

I have found out in the course of a long public life that the things I did not say never hurt me. Perhaps you should've considered it before firing off that Zinger? Speaking of which, you may want to cut back on those while you can still squeeze into your corset.

Madison has been fantasizing about it for years but I never thought he'd actually do it. I figured it was just Chet's blow talking, or macho bluster to impress Dolly. Disgusting.

I've been busy not meddling in the economy and mentoring Ms. Lewinski. I suspect the others are stoned at Chet's house doing all sorts of vile things.

While Oregonian Wallace McCamant was the first to nominate me for President I owe my ultimate ascension to the Oval Office to Warren Harding's timely death. Go Bucks!

What are you going to do, Burr, shoot me? What's really funny is how guys like you and Tilden so desperately seek attention in a "former Presidents" thread, when the entire world knows neither of you held the office. Self promotion? I need none beyond 30th President of the United States of...

Just a reminder to my fellow former Presidents - and you too, Tilden - that my birthday is later this week. You don't turn 141 every day so I expect good presents and a party at Chet's place. Ms. Lewinski jumping out of a cake would be a nice touch as well.

Is that photo from when you were President? Oh, what am I saying? Of course not.

I suggest you all read this book and learn from my awesomeness. I will also have autographed prints of the cover shot available upon request.

Nonsense. Reagan and JFK would've never participated in your lemon parties, given your uncouth, foolish grammar.

On this my 140th birthday I am truly underwhelmed by the praise, respect, and good wishes afforded me by my peers, and interlopers of lesser caliber. May you all die horrible, painful deaths, except for Chet and his bong and, of course, Ms. Lewinsky.

For the sake of what's left of my country I sincerely hope you start using someone else's ideas. Egad man, you make Roosevelt look like a hardcore conservative with your interminable meddling and pie in the sky schemes.

Pray tell, what movie are you referring to now, interloper? For God's sake, little man, you've managed to make Tilden look big by comparison. Perhaps you should go visit your son and tell him how you're "winning" in your tiny, pathetic mind? He's probably hanging out with Chet.

Ahhh, Miss Lewinski, your timing is impeccable. Dear Gracie left me hanging the other day with another of her infernal headaches and I am in need of a woman with your talents. Care to lend a hand, my dear?

Some of us rise to Commander in Chief and President, others become cops and play make believe President on TV.