Uses For Fruitcake (the gift that keeps on giving)

[Taosman]

Got the usual horrible fruitcake from my Mom. (I guess it's her expression of love) So. Now that I had to bring the fruity brick of love home;
What to do with it? :(
I think it could be useful as a door stop in one of the baths. (The cat wouldn't bother it, she's no dummy)
I could put it in the Toyota as extra weight for winter traction. And in a survival situation, I could burn it as fuel!
Curious that the airport people didn't inspect what was in the brown paper wrapper? (maybe they just know about such things and don't want to be held responsible?)
But. What I usually do, in the holiday spirit, is give a slice to all my BP friends!
So who gets the first piece?
Since CCI i and LadyB are a family now, it's only fair that they have to share the first bite(they'll thank me later, I'm sure):tongue2:

Lots of good people are given fruitcake by some misguided soul, so what use do you have for it?

 

[Best Buckeye]

You could give it to BKB because like cheese , it makes his poop hard.

 

[Taosman]

Ryn and BKB are on my fruitcake list!
So are you BB!

 

[Best Buckeye]

Thanks but I can't eat it , Bad heart ya know. :tongue2:

 

[Taosman]

Thanks but I can't eat it , Bad heart ya know. :tongue2:

That never stopped you from having brats and beer!

 

[Taosman]

Fruitcake Poem
Social satirist and amateur fruitcakeologist F.R. Duplantier says it's nearly impossible to unload the "spice-baked albatross" once you've accepted delivery. Duplantier sums up the situation neatly in a lighthearted holiday verse entitled, appropriately enough, "Fruitcake."

Fruitcake

A fruitcake came one day
And I sent it on its way.
The next day, then,
It was back again,
But here it cannot stay.

I sent it to one brother,
Who sent it to another.
It eventually
Came back to me,
In a package from my mother.

I sent it to a friend --
At least, he was 'til then.
He sent it back
With a caustic crack
And we never spoke again.

I sent it to my boss
And signed it "Santa Claus."
My name he guessed
And readdressed
That spice-baked albatross.

I sent it to a client,
Who proved to be defiant:
It seems the space
In his office place
Is fruitcake noncompliant.

I picked someone at random
In hopes that he could stand 'em.
It was returned:
Somehow he'd learned
I was the Fruitcake Phantom.

If a fruitcake comes today,
I think I'll let it stay.
It's crystal clear
Its place is here --
And I must move away.

 

[Best Buckeye]

That never stopped you from having brats and beer!

I can eat those because I don't eat fruit cake, D'uh

 

[NFBuck]

Burn it on your couch after we win the National Championship. Boomer Sooner.

 

[Taosman]

NF keeping warm in Colorado Springs!

 

[elliemae]

Save it for the big game next November & throw it at a *ichigan fan or player or coach!

 

[Taosman]

elliemae, a big slice of love is coming your way! :tongue2:

 

[Buckeyedynasty]

Jeffcat says old fruitcake can cure STD's. Just rub it on the affected area.

 

[Taosman]

I heard a story of 3 Mexican fishermen in a lifeboat surviving on nothing but dryed, old fruitcake for a month at sea!
It even kept the sharks away!

 

[Taosman]

Tim Tebow once threw a fruitcake 80 yrds on his knees! :tongue2:

 

[elliemae]

elliemae, a big slice of love is coming your way! :tongue2:

Well Thanks Taos!!