GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job interview...that is,
without using a plain can cozy.
2. Always identify people in your yard before
shooting at them.
3. It's considered in poor taste to take a cooler to
church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, its time to change
the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in
the will, its still considered tacky to drive a U-HAUL
to the funeral home.
DINING OUT
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold
it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and scraps on the floor as
the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be
anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter
how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a
job that should be done in private using one's own
truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant
is just a waste of money.
DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially
on the first date.
2. Be aggressive! Let her know you are interested:
"I've been wanting to go out with you since I read
that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is
expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might
say, "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the
man's responsibility to get her back to school on
time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's
appearance, such as, "Ya sure don't sweat much for a
fat broad."
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding
gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get
you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure
suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can
create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes
for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even
if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with
the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct
tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas
can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle,
especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while travelling in a funeral
procession
1. Never take a beer to a job interview...that is,
without using a plain can cozy.
2. Always identify people in your yard before
shooting at them.
3. It's considered in poor taste to take a cooler to
church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, its time to change
the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in
the will, its still considered tacky to drive a U-HAUL
to the funeral home.
DINING OUT
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold
it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and scraps on the floor as
the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be
anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter
how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a
job that should be done in private using one's own
truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant
is just a waste of money.
DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially
on the first date.
2. Be aggressive! Let her know you are interested:
"I've been wanting to go out with you since I read
that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is
expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might
say, "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the
man's responsibility to get her back to school on
time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's
appearance, such as, "Ya sure don't sweat much for a
fat broad."
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding
gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get
you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure
suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can
create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes
for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even
if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with
the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct
tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas
can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle,
especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while travelling in a funeral
procession
