CCI
Metal Rules
i found this at a place I visit, soIi thought I'd share and get some feedback. Some I agree with and some I don't.
Shannon Elizabeth in American Pie
"To me, playing a character who was that in control of her sexuality was the challenge," Elizabeth said about sexpot Nadia. Um, we're pretty sure she wasn't cast so she'd have a chance to stretch her acting muscles. The main qualifications to play the Czechoslovakian exchange student were a hot bod and the willingness to show it off, scantily-clad style. That she also enjoyed horny Jim's stash of naughty girlie mags? Just icing on the bimbo cake.
Best quote by this bimbo: "More, more, you bad boy!" (Again, Elizabeth wasn't hired for her ability to deliver a well-crafted quip.)
George Clooney in
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
It's not easy to make something that purdy look this goofy. Convict Ulysses Everett McGill escapes from a chain gang with his equally hapless pals to pursue the ill-gotten goods from a robbery, but Everett's real goal, aside from his adventures with a crew as bumbling as the Apple Dumpling Gang, is reuniting with his ex-wife before she marries another. And to do that, every hair follicle must be tamed, which, in his mind, means a heapin' helping of his favorite pomade, Dapper Dan. Oh, and he's in a band called the Soggy Bottom Boys.
Best quote by this bozo: "I don't want Fop! I'm a Dapper Dan man!"
Alicia Silverstone
in Clueless
What's better than a hooker with a heart of gold? A bimbo with brains, that's what. Silverstone's Cher Horowitz fits that bill as a Beverly Hills rich teen who seems to care about nothing more than making sure her Rodeo Drive wardrobe sets off her long blond locks. But the duds and her incessant hair-flipping belie her SAT-ready vocab and a surprisingly dead-on ability to read people (not counting the time she fell in love with that "disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand-ticket-holding friend of Dorothy").
Best quote by this bimbo: "Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for 40 minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum."
Bill Murray in Caddyshack
Carl Spackler experiments with a new grass that would not only blanket the Bushwood Country Club golf course but one that he could also smoke to get "stoned to the bejeezus," and that spells bad news for the Gopher. As Spackler becomes unhinged in his quest to rid Bushwood of the "Varmint Cong," Murray unleashes comedic faves like his improvised Cinderella-story moment with the mums to his classic play-through scene with Chevy Chase. Not to forget the speech about caddying for the Dalai Lama ?
Best quote by this bozo: "I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."
Jessica Simpson in The Dukes of Hazzard
It was the role she was born to play, and if most critics had their way, her acting career would have stopped there. Yes, Simpson's Daisy Duke-wearin' performance as the sexy country bumpkin character who inspired the moniker for the iconic short shorts was everything it needed to be: short, sassy and scantily clad.
Best quote by this bimbo: "You know what's gonna happen. They're gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I'm gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out."
Ben Stiller in Zoolander
Stiller's characters are often predicated on their self-branded ?ber-attractiveness (unsubstantiated, unfortunately). No different is Derek Zoolander, an internationally famous male model whose good looks impress no one more than they impress Derek himself. His IQ, however, is inversely proportional to how good-looking he thinks he is, so even when he tries to do something other than walk down the runway, the best he can come up with is the Center for Children Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good, Too.
Best quote by this bozo: "Are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am? A eugoogoolizer ? you know, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?"
Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places
Ophelia is the quintessential hooker with a heart of gold, taking in newly bereft rich-cat Louis (Dan Aykroyd) when the prank she's paid to pull helps leave him unemployed, homeless and broke. Ophelia is also a hooker with brains. Though she tramps around with short, tight, flashy outfits and wigs, she stashes her hard-earned cash in T-bills, which she hands over to Louis as seed money for the revenge scheme that will put both of them on easy street.
"Stay classy, San Diego," Ron Burgundy says in his nightly Action News sign-off, but classy he is not. No one's convincing Ron otherwise, though, just like no one's convincing him he isn't the very picture of sexiness and masculinity. Ferrell's biggest talent is in fully committing to the most outrageous aspects of the characters he plays, and stuck-up, stuck-on-himself pig Ron is among his most obnoxious, over-the-top characters ever ? until a broken heart reveals bozos have feelings, too. Awww.
Best quote by this bozo: "I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science."
Kim Basinger in Blind Date
Sure, because of Basinger's tipsy Nadia, Bruce Willis' Walter gets canned, beat down, shot at and thrown in the slammer. But to be fair, Walter was warned that Nadia was a lightweight when it came to imbibing, and what a lovely lush she makes ? so lovely, in fact, that despite all her alcohol-imbued misdeeds, uptight, nerdy Walter falls in love with her at the end of their booze cruise. The best kind of bimbo gets 'em wrapped around her little finger easy-boozy, er, breezy.
Best quote by this bimbo: "I just have this chemical imbalance almost like an allergy to alcohol. It just makes me crazy!"
Best quote by this bimbo: "By the way, food and rent are not the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch."
Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite
What makes Napoleon not just a geek but a bozo? The fact that he refuses to acknowledge his inner (and outer) geek. Instead, insists that he's got skills. Skills that girls like. Like "nunchucks skills, bow-hunting skills, computer-hacking skills." His real skills are pretty much limited to scarfing Tater Tots, drawing "ligers" and getting grumpy with his uncle. That is, until he tries to win school-election votes for Pedro with a "sweet" choreographed assembly performance. Oh, he's still a bozo (check the hair), but he's a bozo with slick moves and an unflappable streak of self-confidence.
Best quote by this bozo: "My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance, but she couldn't 'cause she's doing some modeling right now ? I took her to the mall to get some Glamour Shots for her birthday one year."
Goldie Hawn in Private Benjamin
Judy Benjamin wants to be all she can be, but in her rich, spoiled Upper East Side world, that means marrying an equally rich doctor and living, well, not quite happily, but at least contentedly, ever after. And all systems are go until Judy's hubby, Yale, dies on their wedding night ? um, in the middle of their wedding night celebration. Distraught and lost, Judy has a "blonde moment" while listening to a radio talk show and decides the army will give her the structure and direction she needs. And it does, though the wacky widow is gonna go through several toothbrushes scrubbing latrines to find that out.
Best quote by this bimbo: "See, I did join the army, but I joined a different army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms."
Vince Vaughn in The Wedding Crashers
Ah, the smooth cad who eventually has the tables turned on him when he falls in love ? a movie classic, or a clich?, depending on your POV, and it's a character Vaughn has mastered on the big screen. Here, he's Jeremy, a slick matrimonial attorney who spends painstaking time and effort getting himself and his pal invited to strangers' weddings, just so he can meet and bed sundry bridesmaids. Vaughn's good looks and charm imbue him with the sincerity to make his tomcattery seem charming, but it's still pretty sweet when the tables are turned and he's the one who falls for cute but crazy bridesmaid Gloria.
Best quote by this bozo: "Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bull's-eye."
Isla Fisher in The Wedding Crashers
Fisher's Gloria is a virgin when she meets Vince Vaughn's Jeremy when he crashes her sister's wedding. So what turns this chaste bridesmaid into a lusty bimbo? Maybe it was love at first sight ? no, definitely obsession at first sight, and Gloria lets Jeremy know in no certain terms that what he thought was a one-night stand is, for her, the beginning of something more. The only thing that scares him more than the fact that his screwy new girlfriend drops the L-word on him the day they meet: that despite her recent de-virginization, she's even randier than he is!
Best quote by this bimbo: "Jeremy, I am so ready to take it to the next level ? Do you want to watch me with another girl? How about those Brazilian twins we met at the ball game?"
Jim Belushi
in About Last Night
Is there a bozo gene in the Belushi blood? Must be, for what brother John was to Animal House (read on), Jim was to About Last Night: an obnoxious, hedonistic lout, prone to, nay, committed to, saying the exact wrong, inappropriate thing at exactly the wrong, inappropriate time. Drunken Bernie is best pals with Rob Lowe's sensitive Danny, which begs the question of why the two opposites would be friends in the first place. Then you realize, it's because, insufferable as Bernie can be, he's also just so much fun.
Best quote by this bozo: "Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what? Ah, what the f---, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading."
Jennifer Coolidge in Legally Blonde
She's not the blonde in the movie title, but Coolidge's Paulette, manicurist and quick BFF to Reese Witherspoon's blond rich chick, is Legally Bimbo, with a squeaky, Melanie Griffith-ish kitten voice and a penchant for wearing clothes a tad too tight, a tad too bright and a tad too ? too. Paulette's even got the loser ex-boyfriend who dumped her to move another bimbo into his mobile home. But in a twist on the movie-bimbo clich?, she's also rather shy and demure, which makes her clueless flirtation with the UPS man all the sweeter.
Best quote by this bimbo: "So, what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle-aged, high school dropout with stretch marks and a fat ass."
Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa
Bad Santa. Bad, bad, bad Santa. He smokes, he drinks, he curses, he urinates on himself, he falls down drunk, and he attacks a kiddie Christmas display ? and that's just the stuff he does while on the clock as a department-store Santa. Thornton's Willie is the extreme, R-rated opposite of the jolly fat guy you'd want your kid lap-surfing for a Polaroid picture, right? Like most movie bozos, though, even Bad Santa has something to get him a spot on the Nice List: a goofy, lonely kid who worms his way into Willie's heart simply by wanting to be his friend. Of course, that doesn't mean Willie is gonna stop grabbing his girlfriend's bum in front of the kid.
Best quote by this bozo: "I'm an eating, drinking, sh---ing, f---ing Santy Claus."
Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman
Part Cinderella, part hooker with a heart of 18K, Roberts' Oscar-nominated bimbo Vivian is also sweet, street smart, fragile and, surprisingly (or maybe not since this is a Disney-fied hooker tale) romantic; in true bimbo logic, she refuses to kiss her clients, even when they look like the perfectly coifed and tailored Richard Gere. But let's be honest ? she could be as endearing and sassy and well-intentioned in the romance department as she wanted to be, but the title isn't Sweet Woman or Sassy Woman. It's Pretty, and with Roberts' Best Actress nod should have come a Best Supporting Actress nod to her long, curly auburn locks, arguably the best female movie hair in history.
Best quote by this bimbo: "I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing."
Adam Sandler in Billy Madison
Sandler's become quite wealthy playing a bozo, and his Billy is his best. In order to prove to his corporate-biz father that he's not an idiot, which, of course, he is, Billy must go back and re-pass every grade, first through 12th. He slacked and bullied his way through the first time, which means the redo may be a challenge, especially when Billy falls in love with his new third-grade teacher, avoids the advances of his frisky maid and refuses to give up partying with his fellow bozo boozehound friends. At last, he sees the error of his party-lovin' ways, when too much imbibing leads him to trippy fisticuffs with a penguin ? and to almost lose his girl.
Best quote by this bozo: "Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out."
Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch
Monroe's bubbly character didn't even have a name ? she was known as The Girl ? which was appropriate, given that her role was that of a Girl meant to provoke thoughts of infidelity in a Manhattan man left alone in the city while his wife and child escaped the summer heat with a trip to Maine. Besides, even if she had been given a name, no one would remember it, because Itch will always be known for the Dress ? the white halter garment that flew up when Monroe stood atop a subway grate.
Best quote by this bimbo: "Hi. It's me, don't you remember? The tomato from upstairs."
John Belushi in Animal House
Party animal, indeed. Belushi's Bluto has been in college for seven years and has a 0.0 GPA, but he has become an expert at toga parties, starting food fights and pounding brews. It worked for him, though, as the end of the movie reveals that Bluto and uptight sorority girl Mandy eventually become Senator John "Bluto" Blutarsky and his Missus.
Best quote by this bozo: "See if you can guess what I am now (hits his cheeks and spits out a mouthful of mashed potatoes). I'm a zit. Get it?"
Mira Sorvino in Romy & Michele's High School Reunion
The movie is a bit of a contradiction ? the whole point is that bubbleheads Romy and Michele want to be judged on more than the superficial qualities that their snooty high school classmates judged them on in the past, yet both women are obsessed with how they look and caught up in arguing over which one is cuter. Sorvino's Romy may not be the cutest one (they never agree which one is), but she's a bit bimbo-ier, especially when she's cracking wise about trading sexual favors for a loaner car from her Jaguar dealership co-workers and leaving the class BMOC high and dry at the titular reunion.
Best quote by this bimbo: "I have been trying this new fat-free diet I invented. All I've had to eat for the past six days are gummy bears, jelly beans and candy corns."
Jim Carrey
in Dumb & Dumber
What endears Lloyd Christmas to us? Is it the fact that he's (a) illiterate or (b) sells a headless, dead bird to a blind kid or (c) his physical prowess comes down to a chipped tooth and a haircut that looks like it was inspired by a Tupperware bowl? Oh, yes, it's all that and the fact that Lloyd, thanks to a willingness by Carrey to hold nothing back from his bag of slapstick comedy skills, is so gung ho in his bozo-ness. Who else would drive cross country with his dimwit best pal in a shaggy dog van (which he proudly trades for a moped), just to return a briefcase to a babe who barely said hello and goodbye to him?
Best quote by this bozo: "Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?"
Melanie Griffith in Working Girl
With that voice, it's always been tough for Griffith to play anything but bimbo characters. Here, it works to her advantage, setting her up as the hausfrau-in-training who wants to trade in her big hair, loud clothes and Staten Island accent for the life of a rising exec in Manhattan (and earning her an Oscar nod in the process). The breathy, baby voice also softens her Tess McGill character, but her street smarts and feistiness ensure neither her cheating bully of a boyfriend or her backstabbing beeyotch of a boss are gonna pull a fast one on her.
Best quote by this bimbo: "I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?"
Sacha Baron Cohen
in Borat
He's racist, sexist, homophobic, misinformed about nearly every culture and every subculture within those ? Borat is an equal-opportunity bozo. He has sex with his sister, thinks Jews are responsible for 9/11, presents his dinner hosts with an all-too-personal, um, gift and engages in a bit of yucky wrestling that leaves everyone who sees it with a case of the heebie-jeebies. But even Borat has his redemptive qualities, whether it be carrying out his stereotypes to such a ridiculous degree that he exposes some uncomfortable societal truths, or actually seeing his beloved Pam-e-lah Anderson as the picture of chastity.
Best quote by this bozo: "My neighbor Nushuktan Tulyiagby is still assholes. I get iPod, he get iPod mini. Haha! Everyone know iPod mini for girls!"
Shannon Elizabeth in American Pie
"To me, playing a character who was that in control of her sexuality was the challenge," Elizabeth said about sexpot Nadia. Um, we're pretty sure she wasn't cast so she'd have a chance to stretch her acting muscles. The main qualifications to play the Czechoslovakian exchange student were a hot bod and the willingness to show it off, scantily-clad style. That she also enjoyed horny Jim's stash of naughty girlie mags? Just icing on the bimbo cake.
Best quote by this bimbo: "More, more, you bad boy!" (Again, Elizabeth wasn't hired for her ability to deliver a well-crafted quip.)
George Clooney in
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
It's not easy to make something that purdy look this goofy. Convict Ulysses Everett McGill escapes from a chain gang with his equally hapless pals to pursue the ill-gotten goods from a robbery, but Everett's real goal, aside from his adventures with a crew as bumbling as the Apple Dumpling Gang, is reuniting with his ex-wife before she marries another. And to do that, every hair follicle must be tamed, which, in his mind, means a heapin' helping of his favorite pomade, Dapper Dan. Oh, and he's in a band called the Soggy Bottom Boys.
Best quote by this bozo: "I don't want Fop! I'm a Dapper Dan man!"
Alicia Silverstone
in Clueless
What's better than a hooker with a heart of gold? A bimbo with brains, that's what. Silverstone's Cher Horowitz fits that bill as a Beverly Hills rich teen who seems to care about nothing more than making sure her Rodeo Drive wardrobe sets off her long blond locks. But the duds and her incessant hair-flipping belie her SAT-ready vocab and a surprisingly dead-on ability to read people (not counting the time she fell in love with that "disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand-ticket-holding friend of Dorothy").
Best quote by this bimbo: "Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for 40 minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum."
Bill Murray in Caddyshack
Carl Spackler experiments with a new grass that would not only blanket the Bushwood Country Club golf course but one that he could also smoke to get "stoned to the bejeezus," and that spells bad news for the Gopher. As Spackler becomes unhinged in his quest to rid Bushwood of the "Varmint Cong," Murray unleashes comedic faves like his improvised Cinderella-story moment with the mums to his classic play-through scene with Chevy Chase. Not to forget the speech about caddying for the Dalai Lama ?
Best quote by this bozo: "I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."
Jessica Simpson in The Dukes of Hazzard
It was the role she was born to play, and if most critics had their way, her acting career would have stopped there. Yes, Simpson's Daisy Duke-wearin' performance as the sexy country bumpkin character who inspired the moniker for the iconic short shorts was everything it needed to be: short, sassy and scantily clad.
Best quote by this bimbo: "You know what's gonna happen. They're gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I'm gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out."
Ben Stiller in Zoolander
Stiller's characters are often predicated on their self-branded ?ber-attractiveness (unsubstantiated, unfortunately). No different is Derek Zoolander, an internationally famous male model whose good looks impress no one more than they impress Derek himself. His IQ, however, is inversely proportional to how good-looking he thinks he is, so even when he tries to do something other than walk down the runway, the best he can come up with is the Center for Children Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good, Too.
Best quote by this bozo: "Are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am? A eugoogoolizer ? you know, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?"
Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places
Ophelia is the quintessential hooker with a heart of gold, taking in newly bereft rich-cat Louis (Dan Aykroyd) when the prank she's paid to pull helps leave him unemployed, homeless and broke. Ophelia is also a hooker with brains. Though she tramps around with short, tight, flashy outfits and wigs, she stashes her hard-earned cash in T-bills, which she hands over to Louis as seed money for the revenge scheme that will put both of them on easy street.
"Stay classy, San Diego," Ron Burgundy says in his nightly Action News sign-off, but classy he is not. No one's convincing Ron otherwise, though, just like no one's convincing him he isn't the very picture of sexiness and masculinity. Ferrell's biggest talent is in fully committing to the most outrageous aspects of the characters he plays, and stuck-up, stuck-on-himself pig Ron is among his most obnoxious, over-the-top characters ever ? until a broken heart reveals bozos have feelings, too. Awww.
Best quote by this bozo: "I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science."
Kim Basinger in Blind Date
Sure, because of Basinger's tipsy Nadia, Bruce Willis' Walter gets canned, beat down, shot at and thrown in the slammer. But to be fair, Walter was warned that Nadia was a lightweight when it came to imbibing, and what a lovely lush she makes ? so lovely, in fact, that despite all her alcohol-imbued misdeeds, uptight, nerdy Walter falls in love with her at the end of their booze cruise. The best kind of bimbo gets 'em wrapped around her little finger easy-boozy, er, breezy.
Best quote by this bimbo: "I just have this chemical imbalance almost like an allergy to alcohol. It just makes me crazy!"
Best quote by this bimbo: "By the way, food and rent are not the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch."
Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite
What makes Napoleon not just a geek but a bozo? The fact that he refuses to acknowledge his inner (and outer) geek. Instead, insists that he's got skills. Skills that girls like. Like "nunchucks skills, bow-hunting skills, computer-hacking skills." His real skills are pretty much limited to scarfing Tater Tots, drawing "ligers" and getting grumpy with his uncle. That is, until he tries to win school-election votes for Pedro with a "sweet" choreographed assembly performance. Oh, he's still a bozo (check the hair), but he's a bozo with slick moves and an unflappable streak of self-confidence.
Best quote by this bozo: "My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance, but she couldn't 'cause she's doing some modeling right now ? I took her to the mall to get some Glamour Shots for her birthday one year."
Goldie Hawn in Private Benjamin
Judy Benjamin wants to be all she can be, but in her rich, spoiled Upper East Side world, that means marrying an equally rich doctor and living, well, not quite happily, but at least contentedly, ever after. And all systems are go until Judy's hubby, Yale, dies on their wedding night ? um, in the middle of their wedding night celebration. Distraught and lost, Judy has a "blonde moment" while listening to a radio talk show and decides the army will give her the structure and direction she needs. And it does, though the wacky widow is gonna go through several toothbrushes scrubbing latrines to find that out.
Best quote by this bimbo: "See, I did join the army, but I joined a different army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms."
Vince Vaughn in The Wedding Crashers
Ah, the smooth cad who eventually has the tables turned on him when he falls in love ? a movie classic, or a clich?, depending on your POV, and it's a character Vaughn has mastered on the big screen. Here, he's Jeremy, a slick matrimonial attorney who spends painstaking time and effort getting himself and his pal invited to strangers' weddings, just so he can meet and bed sundry bridesmaids. Vaughn's good looks and charm imbue him with the sincerity to make his tomcattery seem charming, but it's still pretty sweet when the tables are turned and he's the one who falls for cute but crazy bridesmaid Gloria.
Best quote by this bozo: "Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bull's-eye."
Isla Fisher in The Wedding Crashers
Fisher's Gloria is a virgin when she meets Vince Vaughn's Jeremy when he crashes her sister's wedding. So what turns this chaste bridesmaid into a lusty bimbo? Maybe it was love at first sight ? no, definitely obsession at first sight, and Gloria lets Jeremy know in no certain terms that what he thought was a one-night stand is, for her, the beginning of something more. The only thing that scares him more than the fact that his screwy new girlfriend drops the L-word on him the day they meet: that despite her recent de-virginization, she's even randier than he is!
Best quote by this bimbo: "Jeremy, I am so ready to take it to the next level ? Do you want to watch me with another girl? How about those Brazilian twins we met at the ball game?"
Jim Belushi
in About Last Night
Is there a bozo gene in the Belushi blood? Must be, for what brother John was to Animal House (read on), Jim was to About Last Night: an obnoxious, hedonistic lout, prone to, nay, committed to, saying the exact wrong, inappropriate thing at exactly the wrong, inappropriate time. Drunken Bernie is best pals with Rob Lowe's sensitive Danny, which begs the question of why the two opposites would be friends in the first place. Then you realize, it's because, insufferable as Bernie can be, he's also just so much fun.
Best quote by this bozo: "Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what? Ah, what the f---, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading."
Jennifer Coolidge in Legally Blonde
She's not the blonde in the movie title, but Coolidge's Paulette, manicurist and quick BFF to Reese Witherspoon's blond rich chick, is Legally Bimbo, with a squeaky, Melanie Griffith-ish kitten voice and a penchant for wearing clothes a tad too tight, a tad too bright and a tad too ? too. Paulette's even got the loser ex-boyfriend who dumped her to move another bimbo into his mobile home. But in a twist on the movie-bimbo clich?, she's also rather shy and demure, which makes her clueless flirtation with the UPS man all the sweeter.
Best quote by this bimbo: "So, what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle-aged, high school dropout with stretch marks and a fat ass."
Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa
Bad Santa. Bad, bad, bad Santa. He smokes, he drinks, he curses, he urinates on himself, he falls down drunk, and he attacks a kiddie Christmas display ? and that's just the stuff he does while on the clock as a department-store Santa. Thornton's Willie is the extreme, R-rated opposite of the jolly fat guy you'd want your kid lap-surfing for a Polaroid picture, right? Like most movie bozos, though, even Bad Santa has something to get him a spot on the Nice List: a goofy, lonely kid who worms his way into Willie's heart simply by wanting to be his friend. Of course, that doesn't mean Willie is gonna stop grabbing his girlfriend's bum in front of the kid.
Best quote by this bozo: "I'm an eating, drinking, sh---ing, f---ing Santy Claus."
Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman
Part Cinderella, part hooker with a heart of 18K, Roberts' Oscar-nominated bimbo Vivian is also sweet, street smart, fragile and, surprisingly (or maybe not since this is a Disney-fied hooker tale) romantic; in true bimbo logic, she refuses to kiss her clients, even when they look like the perfectly coifed and tailored Richard Gere. But let's be honest ? she could be as endearing and sassy and well-intentioned in the romance department as she wanted to be, but the title isn't Sweet Woman or Sassy Woman. It's Pretty, and with Roberts' Best Actress nod should have come a Best Supporting Actress nod to her long, curly auburn locks, arguably the best female movie hair in history.
Best quote by this bimbo: "I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing."
Adam Sandler in Billy Madison
Sandler's become quite wealthy playing a bozo, and his Billy is his best. In order to prove to his corporate-biz father that he's not an idiot, which, of course, he is, Billy must go back and re-pass every grade, first through 12th. He slacked and bullied his way through the first time, which means the redo may be a challenge, especially when Billy falls in love with his new third-grade teacher, avoids the advances of his frisky maid and refuses to give up partying with his fellow bozo boozehound friends. At last, he sees the error of his party-lovin' ways, when too much imbibing leads him to trippy fisticuffs with a penguin ? and to almost lose his girl.
Best quote by this bozo: "Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out."
Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch
Monroe's bubbly character didn't even have a name ? she was known as The Girl ? which was appropriate, given that her role was that of a Girl meant to provoke thoughts of infidelity in a Manhattan man left alone in the city while his wife and child escaped the summer heat with a trip to Maine. Besides, even if she had been given a name, no one would remember it, because Itch will always be known for the Dress ? the white halter garment that flew up when Monroe stood atop a subway grate.
Best quote by this bimbo: "Hi. It's me, don't you remember? The tomato from upstairs."
John Belushi in Animal House
Party animal, indeed. Belushi's Bluto has been in college for seven years and has a 0.0 GPA, but he has become an expert at toga parties, starting food fights and pounding brews. It worked for him, though, as the end of the movie reveals that Bluto and uptight sorority girl Mandy eventually become Senator John "Bluto" Blutarsky and his Missus.
Best quote by this bozo: "See if you can guess what I am now (hits his cheeks and spits out a mouthful of mashed potatoes). I'm a zit. Get it?"
Mira Sorvino in Romy & Michele's High School Reunion
The movie is a bit of a contradiction ? the whole point is that bubbleheads Romy and Michele want to be judged on more than the superficial qualities that their snooty high school classmates judged them on in the past, yet both women are obsessed with how they look and caught up in arguing over which one is cuter. Sorvino's Romy may not be the cutest one (they never agree which one is), but she's a bit bimbo-ier, especially when she's cracking wise about trading sexual favors for a loaner car from her Jaguar dealership co-workers and leaving the class BMOC high and dry at the titular reunion.
Best quote by this bimbo: "I have been trying this new fat-free diet I invented. All I've had to eat for the past six days are gummy bears, jelly beans and candy corns."
Jim Carrey
in Dumb & Dumber
What endears Lloyd Christmas to us? Is it the fact that he's (a) illiterate or (b) sells a headless, dead bird to a blind kid or (c) his physical prowess comes down to a chipped tooth and a haircut that looks like it was inspired by a Tupperware bowl? Oh, yes, it's all that and the fact that Lloyd, thanks to a willingness by Carrey to hold nothing back from his bag of slapstick comedy skills, is so gung ho in his bozo-ness. Who else would drive cross country with his dimwit best pal in a shaggy dog van (which he proudly trades for a moped), just to return a briefcase to a babe who barely said hello and goodbye to him?
Best quote by this bozo: "Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?"
Melanie Griffith in Working Girl
With that voice, it's always been tough for Griffith to play anything but bimbo characters. Here, it works to her advantage, setting her up as the hausfrau-in-training who wants to trade in her big hair, loud clothes and Staten Island accent for the life of a rising exec in Manhattan (and earning her an Oscar nod in the process). The breathy, baby voice also softens her Tess McGill character, but her street smarts and feistiness ensure neither her cheating bully of a boyfriend or her backstabbing beeyotch of a boss are gonna pull a fast one on her.
Best quote by this bimbo: "I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?"
Sacha Baron Cohen
in Borat
He's racist, sexist, homophobic, misinformed about nearly every culture and every subculture within those ? Borat is an equal-opportunity bozo. He has sex with his sister, thinks Jews are responsible for 9/11, presents his dinner hosts with an all-too-personal, um, gift and engages in a bit of yucky wrestling that leaves everyone who sees it with a case of the heebie-jeebies. But even Borat has his redemptive qualities, whether it be carrying out his stereotypes to such a ridiculous degree that he exposes some uncomfortable societal truths, or actually seeing his beloved Pam-e-lah Anderson as the picture of chastity.
Best quote by this bozo: "My neighbor Nushuktan Tulyiagby is still assholes. I get iPod, he get iPod mini. Haha! Everyone know iPod mini for girls!"
